A Year and A Day
by Stariceling
Summary: Kross expects to be overlooked by even his closest neighbors. Having someone suddenly come into his life with relentless kindness seems outside the natural order, yet Kross finds he doesn't want Raguna to go away. Or: Raguna melts Kross's heart, one day at a time. Kross/Raguna, slow build
1. Spring - Season of Rebirth

This fic has been very much a labor of love for me. I started it about four years ago, and you would not believe how many times I've rewritten things since then. It's been a long time, but I'm glad I'm finally able to start posting. I sincerely hope you will enjoy this fic as well!

I did try to make things work within the constraints of the game, although you'll see some lines tweaked and some parts condensed.

Warning that this fic contains (or will contain) mentions of violence and symptoms of PTSD including flashbacks and dissociation.

* * *

 **Spring - Season of Rebirth**

 **Spring 2**

It was undeniably spring now. The hard freeze had lost its grip on the earth, allowing fields to be cleared out and tilled once again. Now if only the stillness of winter would lift from Kross's mind and free him from the desire to sleep though the season.

Nothing would change. He would tend to the two fields he had planted, donate what he didn't need to Stella at the church, and stay forgotten at the edge of town. That was what his life was now. Nothing would change, promised the little voice of his optimistic heart.

He heard the enthusiastic patter of footfalls on the dirt path first. Kross glimpsed a new face through the curtain of his hair as he stood out in front of his house, thawing in the spring sunlight.

The young stranger seemed ordinary enough as Kross looked him over. He was a few years into adulthood by Kross's guess. His build was not muscular, but still sturdy. He was dressed sensibly in a leather tunic over plain cloth, with pouches belted at his waist. Kross took him for a traveler, but not a threat with his lack of visible armor or weapon.

Kross fully expected the stranger to go charging by without ever noticing him. That was the way life was. That was familiar and safe. The last thing he expected was for the stranger to look around at him and come bounding up the hill to introduce himself and say he had just moved into the abandoned farmhouse down the road. He radiated a cheerful energy that made Kross want to retreat back into the house.

"You. . . don't need to know what my name is. The villagers always forget it anyway."

"Um. . . Are you Kross? Hello."

The old shapes of paranoia came rushing out from the crevices in Kross's mind to pile up on him. This newcomer was to all appearances harmless, but did that really mean anything? Was he confident or foolish to be revealing that he was here looking for Kross? "How do you know my name?!"

"Huh? It's written on your mailbox." Raguna answered, momentarily flustered by Kross's vehement reaction. He recovered all too quickly and added in a teasing tone, "Your writing is really cute, Kross." He was inviting Kross to laugh off the misunderstanding, but Kross wasn't in a mood to laugh.

"That isn't my writing. I'm sure the mailman just wrote it herself out of consideration." She needn't have bothered. There wouldn't be anything for her to deliver. Kross sighed. That had shaken him more than he had expected, after living here quietly for so long.

"Now then, I should get back to work," he added, before Raguna could interrogate him further. But. . . another person in the village might not be a bad thing if it allowed him more work. He had all kinds of plans drifting around his head for the neglected farmhouse Raguna said he had moved into. "Your name was Raguna, was it? When you need some help, don't hesitate to ask. Just come to me when you want extensions."

Raguna thanked him and left him alone, trotting away to inflict his cheerful self on the rest of his new neighbors. That night Kross marked off another day on his calendar. Spring still stretched out before him. He was looking forward to another year of living invisibly in the peace of this small town on the edge of the frontier. His only wish for the year was that once again nothing would change, new neighbors notwithstanding.

 **Spring 3**

"Good afternoon, Kross. How are you?" Raguna took advantage of him working in the front part of his field to come and greet him over the fence. He was smiling again today, although now he looked as though he had been roughed up a bit while fighting.

"It seems you've been to Whale Island." Kross had seen the stalk growing up to the island in the sky. It was easy to guess it had something to do with the new arrival.

"Yes. It's amazing. I've never seen anything like it."

Raguna neglected to mention that he had been attacked by monsters, even though there were still hints of acid burns around his knees from what must have been an encounter with angry ants. It seemed to Kross that rather than intentionally hiding the fact, he simply hadn't taken it to heart.

There was something about Raguna that Kross felt was better met with monster instinct than human reasoning. It might only be the impression that he was a straightforward young man. There was nothing predatory or suspicious in his body language.

He seemed to be the kind of person monsters would like. That was the only way Kross could explain it. He was reaching for the tool in the pouch at his waist before he was aware that he had made up his mind how to deal with Raguna.

"Do you know? You can make friends with monsters. If you pet them with something like this." Kross pulled out the pet glove he had carried for so long as a useless good luck charm, and held it out to Raguna over the fence. "If you can manage to communicate with them, they'll be your friends. But there is a chance that you'll be smacked around badly until that happens."

"That's amazing." Raguna accepted it easily and brushed his fingers over the short bristles. They were soft, so as not to catch in fluffy fur or scratch skin.

"If you can't talk to them, you just have to show them with your actions. It's crucial to be gentle even if they attack. Of course, there are monsters that will refuse to accept you no matter what."

It had been a long time since Kross had been able to be close to monsters. What would Raguna need to be told so he would be able to look after them well? "If you manage to befriend a monster, it won't stay with you without a place to live. I can build you one. . . Also you need to care for them, feed them and brush them once a day. I'm sure you can become better friends with that."

"Thank you, Kross!"

The sincere happiness in Raguna's voice startled Kross a little, even though that warm aura had been part of why he had feel compelled to give Raguna the pet glove in the first place.

"Thank you for this, and for the advice. I don't know what to say."

Kross didn't expect him to say anything. "Go ahead and enjoy your life with the monsters."

 **Spring 4**

Kross had never been inside a bathhouse himself. A lifetime ago he had visited public steam baths. He always came away feeling lightheaded, with his heart pounding out of control and his skin aching from the heat. If that was the way to rid his body of impurities then it seemed his body preferred to remain impure. Washing in cold water felt cleaner.

He didn't think it would be acceptable to mention any of that. Melody had been very enthusiastic that baths were good for the soul, although she didn't seem to mean it in a 'mortification of the flesh' sense.

While he might not have a personal interest in visiting, he did find the task of building a bathhouse extremely interesting. Smooth wood floors had to be sealed, anticipating constant contact with water. The tiles inside the baths must be fitted together neatly. The vaulted ceilings would allow steam to rise. Kross tried to envision a place to relax, determinedly leaving his own memories of the unpleasant weight of sweat and steam on his skin out of his plans.

"You should come back this afternoon when I open," Melody told him. "I think you could definitely use a bath to relax!"

Kross didn't answer. Once his work was done he put the offer out of his mind.

 **Spring 5**

By now Kross knew the sound of Raguna's footsteps, the same way he had learned to pick out the gait of every one of the villagers. If Raguna ever wanted to be stealthy he would have to learn not to run everywhere so eagerly. It was a fine arrangement for Kross, who hated having anyone sneak up on him.

He heard Raguna running by his farm on his way here and there a few times each day. He couldn't stop to check what was happening every single time he heard Raguna. Kross didn't look up when he heard Raguna hurrying by at the same pace as always.

This time, however, Raguna didn't run past. He ducked through Kross's house and into his field, stepping carefully between the rows of vegetables even as he kept up his quick pace. So far Raguna had only bothered him if he was standing out in front of his house, or in a part of the field where it was possible to talk to him over the fence.

"Good morning, Kross!" Raguna called happily. He moved to dig through his bag and pulled out a huge turnip, then offered it to Kross with a bright smile. "I wanted to give you something to thank you for welcoming me to the village."

Kross accepted the vegetable and stared at it for a few seconds in absolute confusion. Had Raguna actually brought him a gift? No one ever gave him gifts.

"Do you not like it?" Raguna asked, suddenly flustered. "I'm sorry. I should have asked first! Erik was upset when I gave him one, but I didn't think-"

Kross cut off his stream of words by biting directly into the turnip. The vegetable was dense and mild, with that robust taste of a fresh vegetable grown without the aid of potions. It didn't even need to be pickled or roasted to be delicious.

"This tastes. . . good," Kross managed. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. When was the last time anyone had given him something so delicious? He couldn't remember.

"I'm glad." Raguna answered.

His smile was almost blinding when Kross looked up at it. With tears already in his eyes, Kross lifted his gaze just a tiny bit more to see how Raguna's eyes warmed and gentled with the simple act of smiling. They were such a bright shade of blue. Kross had barely gotten even a glimpse of them so far, and he didn't allow himself more than a fleeting glance now before looking away to hide his overemotional reaction.

Those eyes were so blue, it was almost like looking into the expanse of the open sky. Kross couldn't remember the last time he had lifted his head to gaze openly at something so bright, and he didn't allow himself to do so now.

 **Spring 6**

Kross ran his fingers along overlapping shingles, feeling how they fit together as organically as scales. They contoured to the shape of the roof, individually carved and placed to hold together watertight.

With his own work solid under his hands, the sweet smell of sawdust clouding his head, Kross was content. He had built this roof, and when it was solid and useful then so was he.

"So, the north side?" Erik called up to him.

"There's no damage," Kross answered.

He had the building plan in his head. In fact, he had built this extension himself. He was crouched directly over the seed storage, so he understood Erik's concern. Erik was a farmer to his bones.

Once he had confirmed Erik's seeds were safe, he moved to the south side of the house where he knew there was a leaking chink in the roof's armor, over the living area.

He heard Raguna's footfalls on the path, recognized, considered, and dismissed them long before the cheerful call of, "Good afternoon!"

"Hey, young man," Erik answered before Kross could decide if he needed to react after all.

Of course Raguna was speaking to Erik. Yet Kross listened to their everyday pleasantries as he found the damaged area. He curled his fingers under each warped shingle and pried them free with a momentary longing for the sure precision of claws.

"Kross?" Raguna called up just as he started hammering the first replacement shingle in place.

"Don't mind him. He gets a little intense when he's working. If you need any repairs on your house you should definitely ask him."

Kross didn't pause in his work, but he slowed for just a moment to listen. He wanted the work. He had blueprints waiting for it, old ones from idle thoughts and new ones inspired by the new tenant. His hands often ached for the weight of wood and brick and stone.

"Did you come for more farming advice?" Erik asked. It was obvious he was eager to have a new student.

"You said you could sell me some seeds, so I wanted to ask what to plant."

They moved inside, words drowned out as Kross took up his hammer again. Raguna was still settling in. Of course getting seeds in the ground would come first.

He didn't need to hope greedily for a chance to work on Raguna's house. After this he still needed to go and patch up the roof of the clock tower. It was a good spring if he could steady his hands on work like this.

 **Spring 7**

The first holiday since Raguna had come to Trampoli, and Kross stopped to look over his farm on his way to the church. He wasn't surprised to see Raguna working, trotting to the stream or well to fill his watering can and then back to tend to his crops.

His crops were planted in neat plots of land scattered among the large stumps and stones that still littered his field. He had made an effort to clear out the weeds and stray branches, as well as some of the smaller rocks, but the worst of the mess still remained.

What did come as a surprise was that different types of shoots were peeking up from each tilled plot. Raguna had obviously decided to try planting every spring crop Erik could give him seeds for. In one corner Kross spotted the first signs of bushy fodder, which would soon become good food for monsters.

A bigger surprise was when Raguna lifted his head and called a happy greeting, pausing in his watering to come and pepper Kross with friendly chatter.

Without meaning to, Kross spent the whole morning there, watching Raguna work, head tilted down a few degrees to shield his face from that bright smile. When Kross moved on to the church at noon Raguna even went so far as to walk with him to the edge of the homestead and thank him for his company.

When he reached the church he found another new face. There was a young sister standing outside.

"Good afternoon," she greeted him when he approached the doors.

"Hi." The word came out startled and hoarse. He had hoped to slip by her like a ghost.

"My name is Lara. I'll be serving here as a sister and a nurse, so I'm glad to have a chance to meet eveyone. What's your name?"

She had a smile that made Kross feel like she was the one welcoming him, when it would usually be the other way around. He was about to tell her his name didn't matter, but thought better of it before he opened his mouth.

"Kross," he answered. He thought briefly of Raguna immediately becoming friendly toward him, and he supposed there were one or two of the villagers who remembered his name after all.

 **Spring 9**

Morning still came slow and cool, but this year Kross didn't worry about finding a late frost in his fields. His world had settled firmly into spring. He expected the new arrivals would settle in quickly enough. The routine of the growing season was comfortable enough for Kross to fit his life into. He knew the routine of the village and the crops both, and felt himself rooted in them.

He could hear Anette outside, talking to herself as she stopped at his mailbox for once during her daily rounds. "I always forget about this house when I do deliveries, I wonder why."

Kross opened his front door just enough to greet her, "Hello, Ms. Mailman."

"Did someone call me?" Anette's gaze flicked here and there, not focusing on where he lurked in the shadow of the doorway.

"Good morning."

"There's no one here but I hear voices. . . Is it a monster?" Now she was looking in entirely the wrong direction, back down the mountain path that led away from town.

Kross let out a sigh, but it was better to go unnoticed, after all. He didn't know now why he had spoken up in the first place.

In the moment before Kross retreated, Raguna trotted into his line of sight to exchange warm 'good morning's with Anette. She had no difficulty seeing him, and it was clear at a glance they were already friendly with each other. Of course they were. Raguna had been forward enough to introduce himself even to Kross.

Then Raguna turned slightly, looking up towards where Kross lurked, and raised one hand in greeting.

Kross closed the door before Raguna could attempt to call him out into the sunlight.

 **Spring 10**

Raguna had brought him another turnip yesterday. It had been late afternoon, almost when Kross was ready to lock his door for the night. Sometimes his body was numb to its own pangs of hunger, and he hadn't realized how empty his stomach was until he took that first bite under Raguna's hopeful gaze. The entire thing had disappeared in a few hungry bites, greens and all.

With that in mind, Kross didn't expect Raguna to offer him more than a passing greeting today. He lifted his head just enough to catch a glance at Raguna dashing by, but that was because it had been most of the day since he'd last heard Raguna. He only looked to confirm it was still his new neighbor, well and energetic as ever, even though he could already hear that.

To his surprise, Raguna approached him again, but this time he wasn't holding out a gift.

"Kross," he called brightly. "Can you really build me a barn?" He paused and rubbed at the back of his neck. "You were kind enough to give me the pet glove, but if there's a monster I want to tame I have nowhere to keep them and you said you could build me something, so. . . It doesn't have to be a big one. I don't have a lot to build with yet."

Kross knew he was giving Raguna an unreasonably good deal when he stated his price. He told himself he was only deducting the price of a handful of meals Raguna had brought him, and for such a small project he could supplement the lumber from the left-over scraps he had. There was a part of him that wanted to see Raguna able to take good care of the monsters he would tame.

"Are you sure? Well, then is there anything I can do to help?"

"Thank you for the offer, but this is my job."

It wasn't a large barn, just one room and enough space to be comfortable for a few monsters living together. That would be enough for Raguna to start with.

As he worked, Kross's mind cycled through quiet reflections one after another. He made the walls plain, the roof high and open, the floor rough with a natural texture of dirt and wood that would be more comfortable to monster feet than the polished smoothness in a human home. Any monster would be happy to live in this barn, he thought.

Why shouldn't they be happy? Kross already knew Raguna would tend them as lovingly as he did the messy fields he was restoring. He would give them as many tokens of kindness as he did his new neighbors.

Deep in Kross's heart there was a selfish little wish that opened and bloomed in the darkness. He wanted to be a monster here, in the sturdy peace of this barn.

 **Spring 13**

When Kross walked over the bridge to Raguna's homestead he noticed something rustling through the cucumber vines after Raguna as he made his rounds. He froze at the edge of the field, poised between the instinct to shout a warning and need to not alert whoever was stalking Raguna to the fact that they had been spotted.

Then Raguna moved from one plot to the next and Kross saw what was after him. A giant Ant was following at Raguna's heels, stopping when he stopped and scuttling after him when he moved. It made no move to bite or spit at him.

Raguna finally saw him and called to him with a friendly wave. On his way to meet Kross he picked one of the newly ripened strawberries and offered to let him be the first to taste them, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Somehow Raguna coaxed him to come sit on the bank of the stream for a few minutes while they shared strawberries fresh from his fields.

As Kross watched, Raguna shared morsels of his food with the tame Ant that was sticking adoringly close to him. He was glad to see the kind way Raguna looked after his monster companion.

"You've already made friends with a monster," Kross commented, surprising himself by breaking the silence. "It seems like you're getting along well."

"I hope so. I'm planning on going to get some things from Lute later, and I thought Annie would like to take a walk."

This was something Kross had forgotten to tell him, that he would be able to bond with monsters by taking them out for exercise and spending time with them. It seemed Raguna had discovered this by instinct. Kross was glad his own instincts had been right. Monsters would be happy under Raguna's care.

Kross kept a respectful distance between himself and Raguna's ant. He was sure it avoided him instinctively, keeping Raguna between them at all times. A monster's instincts must be given at least as much consideration as human ones, and to Kross they deserved more.

"Are you scared of monsters?" Raguna suddenly asked him.

"I'm not scared. I'm actually fond of monsters. They never lie to humans." Even when a monster was dangerous it was acting honestly in the only way it knew. Even after being tamed and learning to live with humans a monster would continue to be honest, never hiding its intentions or its nature.

Raguna was smiling at him. It was strange to think the declaration might be enough to make someone smile. It was natural to Kross.

If Kross thought about it, it seemed that humans were the ones to be afraid of. He had spent a lot of time thinking about that. He would like to be honest in the way that monsters were. He had never been honest before, and now it seemed impossible for him. He was still missing what he needed to be a monster. "I would like to live a free life like a monster. What do monsters have that humans don't. . . ? Tails. If only I had a Cat Tail, would I become like a monster?"

"You want to be more like a monster?" Raguna considered this for a moment before answering, "I remember you told me I had to show monsters my intentions if I wanted to befriend them. I think it would be good if people could be more open and communicate honestly with each other too."

Raguna didn't understand, but he had tried. Kross thought it must be that he still hadn't expressed himself honestly. Raguna would be better able to understand the monster he had bonded with than he could ever understand Kross.

It was ridiculous to feel something so petty as jealousy when he heard a contented rustle from the monster at Raguna's side. Kross had realized a long time ago that he was not fit to tame monsters anymore, or enough of a monster to be tamed himself.

 **Spring 14**

The sun was just coming up as Kross finished his work on the roof. He was left blinking for a moment in the light that suddenly spilled over his work. That first ray of sunlight struck him, like that was the moment his plans suddenly became a solid thing for the rest of the world to see.

Rosetta had been watching him build from the moment he started on the frame. She stood well out of the way, reserving judgement while he fixed the sign for her new store in place. At some point Danny had joined his small audience, standing out in front of his own store with his arms crossed.

Kross spared a moment to judge that everything was in place before he leapt from the roof. He was aware that both of them jumped back when he landed. That wasn't something he could help, he told himself, and silently went inside to finish the built-in fixtures. He ignored the conversation outside, all civil words and icy tones.

By the time he finished he had sweet-smelling sawdust in his hair. His hands were steady from the grounding weight of wood and brick. To take his plans and create something real made him feel more real himself.

Kross put something of himself into his work. He focused on how what he built would shelter people. A permanent shelter meant more than being kept dry and safe. Kross wanted to create a place to live. He made a wide open space for the shop, one that wouldn't feel uncomfortably crowded even with shelves and customers. The living space on the second floor was designed to be more cozy. That was a place to hide and sleep. Kross built those thoughts into the walls and roof and floors.

If what he built was appreciated, that was worth more than Kross himself being accepted and lasted long past his few struggling social interactions. His work made him useful, dependable, solid. With everything he built he became rooted here.

As soon as he was finished, Rosetta came in to open the windows and air out the dust. He watched silently as she assessed her new shop. She paused with one hand on the counter he had built for her, stroking the smooth wood.

"This is exactly what I need. I never imagined I could be in business this fast! Are you done upstairs too?"

While Rosetta went up to inspect the living space over the shop, Kross moved on to the next task. His head was still light from her praise.

Danny had disappeared back into his own shop and taken his disapproving stare with him. Kross went to the small pile of things waiting to be taken inside. He could still visualize the plans in his head. Rosetta had blocked out the interior layout she wanted, making sure there was room for everything she deemed necessary.

Kross preferred the work of actually building to moving, but it wasn't a difficult task for him. He started with the largest set of shelves and carried them carefully into place so he wouldn't risk marring the new floorboards.

He was halfway done bringing in display shelves when Rosetta came down again.

"What are you doing?" she demanded. "I never asked you to do that."

Kross froze with a sudden flash of panic. For a minute he gripped the sides of the shelf with his shoulders stooped, wanting to be small. It took him that long to realize what he had done wrong.

"This is part of my job." She had blocked out where the large furniture belonged, so he had assumed this was something for him to do as well.

Rosetta was charming and proud, and Kross could at least relate to the second half of that. He remembered showing her the plans. She had been so careful about the dimensions and the fixtures, forcing everything to fit within her budget. She was determined not to start her business in debt and at the same time wouldn't accept any discount. Kross understood that desire to live according to ones own rules.

Yet Kross still felt it would be irresponsible to walk out with the job unfinished. He was momentarily paralyzed, unsure how to proceed.

"Well, if you insist. I'll consider it a bonus," Rosetta told him, resolving the misunderstanding when he could not. "Thank you for all your hard work."

Kross kept his head down and refrained from saying that he needed no praise for his work ethic. All that mattered to him was that he had built something worthwhile.

 **Spring 16**

This time Raguna had brought him a cabbage, the often tasteless vegetable was fresh and crisp as Kross ate it one leaf at a time.

He was beginning to wonder why Raguna brought him one present after another. With this latest gift, Raguna had given him at least one of each of the spring vegetables he was growing. Raguna was at his farm almost every day to at least tell him hello, which was already more than Kross expected. The only days he didn't visit were holidays, when Kross stopped in the morning at Raguna's farm. Then Raguna did things like offer him strawberries fresh off the vine, every one of them warm and juicy and almost tasting of spring sunshine.

"You should remember to keep some of your produce for yourself," Kross told him. He liked the gifts, but the uneasy feeling of the unknown nagged at him to turn them away. He could easily twist that unease into paranoid fears.

"It's okay. I've been able to grow a lot. Erik thought it would be a good idea for me to try all different kinds of crops. Anyway. . ." Raguna shifted uncomfortably and half-turned away, as if something on the open hill opposite Kross's farm had caught his attention. Kross took the chance to lift his head and catch a glimpse of blue eyes while they weren't looking at him, only to have Raguna turn back and catch his gaze. "It seems like you're always happy if I bring you something, and that makes me happy too."

He had suspected Raguna was trying to butter him up to get a good deal when he needed an extension or something similar. Kross looked away, shame squirming in the pit of his stomach. Assuming the worst of people was a defensive mechanism that had taken him half his life to learn, and even under Stella's guidance he still resisted unlearning it. Yet the more he got to know Raguna the more foolish he felt when those assumptions were turned back on him.

Raguna hunched forward, the better to look up into his eyes, and surprised him with a warm smile. "Kross, it's okay if I bring you things once in a while, right?"

Kross gave a stiff nod, apparently unable to close his eyes against the invasion of bright, hopeful blue. Raguna was insistent on turning his expectations inside out with one small gesture after another, and he had no idea what to do about it.

 **Spring 18**

It had been raining the first day Kross arrived in Trampoli, just at the start of spring. Ever since that day the sound of the rain had always made him feel calm. The white noise of falling rain drowned out all the unwelcome thoughts at the back of his head, until he was even able to sleep deep and dreamlessly.

He wouldn't need to water his fields today. Kross went to church instead. The sound of rain would wash out the echos that even simple sounds made, until he could concentrate on Stella's voice.

Stella welcomed him. Her firm voice often seemed like a guiding hand. She had told him how to atone for his past sins, even when he couldn't name or explain them. Live a clean life and tend to his body and spirit. Put something good into the world. Care for his neighbors. Now and again she would remind him that he was isolating himself too much, and Kross accepted those reprimands coming from her even if he made very little progress in responding to them.

"It's good to see you being more friendly these days," she commented.

"I haven't done anything." Kross had not been more or less of anything. He did his work, came to church, spoke to Erik occasionally, and that was all. He avoided the business district and the affairs of his neighbors. Nothing had changed.

"I noticed you've been busy building for our new residents. Kanno certainly appreciated that you came to check over the repairs on the clock tower."

"That's my job." Kross enjoyed his work. Of course he had taken the opportunities offered to him. When he had gone back to the clock tower it wasn't because he didn't have faith in his own work. He simply wanted to be available in case Kanno or his granddaughters had found anything on the inside of the building they wanted repaired, or something they wanted improved. That wasn't worthy of thanks.

"And Raguna mentioned you have been very welcoming to him."

To that Kross could only let out a long sigh. He didn't know how such a misconception could have happened. Raguna was the friendly one, not him.

Just yesterday Raguna had approached him with another present, so eager about learning to cook that he wanted to share. The grilled trout he had offered Kross was toasted and succulent, and so fresh it flaked and melted on his tongue. Raguna had waited with a bright, hopeful expression simply to be told that Kross enjoyed it.

Kross wasn't trying to work himself into other people's lives. He was better off staying to the edges. As long as he could live doing his work and be left otherwise forgotten, he was content.

The smile that met his silent denial worried him, as if Stella knew something he hadn't figured out yet. Her voice tipped into the firm proclamation of the sermon. "You must reach out to your neighbors in times of plenty as well as times of need. Man is not meant to live alone."

He wasn't alone. No matter how independent he tried to be, he couldn't live without depending on others in some ways, for seeds or tools or whatever else he needed. Yet somehow he didn't think that was what Stella was trying to say.

 **Spring 19**

Kross was beginning to look forward to holidays in a way he never had before. He spent the morning watching Raguna in his fields, silent as a shadow as he listened to the cheerful young farmer humming to himself while he worked.

He wondered if Raguna stayed around to break up stubborn rocks and till the freshly cleared earth just for his sake. He got the idea that normally Raguna would spend half the day up on Whale Island, or in the Green Ruins.

No, how could he think Raguna was staying for his company? Even if he did stop to talk with Kross over his shoulder as he wiped sweat from his brow, Kross must be little more than a shadow at the edge of his field. This must just be a habit he had developed. While the rest of the village–apart from Lute–rested on their holiday, Raguna's idea of rest was to spend the morning at home in his fields.

As Kross turned to move on to the church, to spend his afternoon in cool silence, Raguna stopped his work and came hurrying up to him.

"Wait, I almost forgot! I found this on Whale Island and I thought you might like it."

The warrior's medal Raguna handed him was a simple thing, carved in a rough style that showed more enthusiasm than skill. Kross's hands shook as he accepted it.

"You seem to have gotten much stronger. Be careful, not to get injured severely," Kross whispered. He meant it, as deeply as he had ever meant anything. He wasn't surprised to see Raguna was already strong enough to be bringing back little trinkets from dangerous places, but he found he desperately didn't want to see Raguna injured. Not the young man who was, against all odds, kind enough to offer him a gift like this one.

"Um. . . Thank you, I guess? I just noticed you have a bunch of war histories and things like that," Raguna explained quickly. "So I thought you might like it."

Kross nodded silently as he tucked the medal safely away. He tried to say 'thank you.' He felt his lips form the words, but there was no breath behind them, no sound.

Raguna smiled and called after him to have a good day.

Kross moved off to the church with one hand pressed over the medal in his pocket. He could almost swear he felt a warmth radiating from it, from where it had rested in Raguna's hand.

All his life Kross had never been given recognition as a warrior. His victories were not his own. Dishonor and shame he could claim for himself, but victory was no more than what was expected. Fulfilling expectations was not worthy of comment, let alone praise. He had thought his heart was no longer hungry for such a thing.

How did Raguna know to give him such a present? His rushed explanation didn't seem strong enough to carry the weight of its importance. It almost felt like Raguna was telling him, 'You did your best. You did more than anyone could have expected of you.'

That night Kross took the medal from his pocket and cradled it in his hands once again before setting it beside the bed where its carved visage would watch over his sleep. The sense of recognition that came with that medal was precious to him, even if Raguna had no way of knowing what he was recognizing Kross for.

 **Spring 20**

Raguna had gone out to the lake early in the morning. Kross had glanced up at him on his way out, and now had to remind himself on the return trip that he was only looking every other time he heard Raguna. The sound of someone passing by didn't put him on alert (which was odd in and of itself), but left him almost with a feeling of curiosity. Which didn't make sense when he already knew what Raguna was up to.

Then Raguna stopped to talk, leaning his pole on the fence and calling Kross's name cheerfully, which took the decision out of his hands.

"I caught this, but I don't think I'm a good enough cook yet to do anything with it. Would you like it?"

The fish he was holding was a pond smelt, scales still glistening fresh. Kross accepted it. In two quick bites and a crunching of bones, it was gone.

"Kross, don't eat it! It's completely raw!" Raguna cried, even though it was already too late.

"It tastes good," Kross reassured him. Not as good as Raguna's other offerings, but good enough. He had learned long ago what it felt like to have all pickiness starved out of him.

"If you say so," Raguna sighed in defeat. "I promise I'll bring you something better next time, okay?"

Kross didn't doubt that Raguna would be kind enough to bring him another present soon. He couldn't even be surprised at himself for expecting so much of his neighbor.

"I'd like to go give some fish to Cinnamon, too," Raguna mused to himself. "Especially since she gave me the fishing pole in the first place. I still haven't found something nice to thank her with. Do you think she'd like a gift like that when she can catch her own?"

Kross had met the two red-haired sisters who had moved into the clock tower, but he hadn't exchanged more than a few words with either of them. There was little he knew about them, but he had seen Cinnamon pass by on her way to fish in the lake.

"People always want more of what they like," he told Raguna, although he immediately doubted he was qualified to give advice. He didn't know how to offer a gift, while Raguna could do it in such a way that even he accepted without thinking.

"Oh, have you met her already? I guess there have been a lot of new people moving into town this year. Do you like having lots of new neighbors?"

He liked having so much new work, but he didn't think that was the answer Raguna wanted. Stella had recently reminded him yet again that he could not live alone. It seemed most people responded well to having some sort of community. He remembered being that way once himself, although the village he had grown up in seemed like part of someone else's life now.

"I don't mind her. She's quiet."

Raguna burst out laughing. It was a joyous sound, and the sudden peal of it made Kross flinch. "I should have guessed!" Then Raguna paused and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Wait, are you trying to tell me I'm too loud?"

"No." Kross wanted to pause and consider, but his answer was already out. He supposed it didn't matter. Even if there were more people settling in Trampoli, he found he didn't mind any of them, and that included Raguna. Any connection between them was built on little more than a few words and Raguna's unabashed generosity, but Kross decided he could adapt to that. Once he adapted to the presence of his new neighbors his life would be consistent and comfortable once again.

 **Spring 22**

His roof didn't need any real repairs, but Kross still found it soothing to inspect and tighten up his work on a quiet morning like this. The wind brought familiar, wild smells down from the mountain path and blinded him with his hair while he tried to work.

He didn't need to see the road below to know who was hurrying by his house, but he shook his hair back into place to look anyway.

"Raguna," he called down.

He thought he might not be loud enough to be heard, but Raguan stopped and turned to look up at him. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry, but could you get that nail by your feet?"

"Sure." Raguna looked around the area in front of Kross's house. "Um. . . Where is it?"

"I thought I put it there." The wind had been making his nails roll down the slope of the roof, so Kross had wanted to make sure they stayed put.

Kross jumped from the roof to look for himself. Raguna jumped back at having Kross land in front of him so suddenly, but Kross turned his eyes down, pretending not to notice.

"That's strange. . . Oh, it was in my pocket." It had made sense at the time. Kross didn't know how he had forgotten putting the nails there for safekeeping. "Sorry for calling out to you."

"That's fine! You can call out to me any time. I'd be happy to come help if I can."

Kross wasn't sure what he could have expected to see on Raguna's face other than a sincere smile. The only response he could find for that was a simple, "Thanks."

 **Spring 23**

Kross didn't give a discount on the first official extension, but Raguna didn't bat an eye about the price. He had been saving up for it and had collected enough lumber that Kross would have no problem doing his best work. Rather than discussing the price or the lumber, Raguna was more interested in asking what sort of kitchen Kross thought would be best.

Kross didn't want to answer. He was afraid Raguna wouldn't like the plans that he thought most suited both the old farmhouse and its occupant, but in the end Raguna somehow picked out the plan that Kross was the most proud of.

When he arrived to do his work, Mist was out in front of the house, humming to herself as she looked out over Raguna's fields. She crouched down to give the leaves of a nearby turnip plant a friendly pat, not even noticing Kross until he started the work of opening up the wall so he could add a little more space.

"Oh! You startled me! Hello," she greeted, stepping closer. Her feet hardly seemed to fit to the dusty ground as she drifted over to meet him.

"I. . . sorry." Kross answered, breathing in the familiar smell of wood shavings and dust that accompanied construction. He already didn't know how to speak to others, but for Mist his usual discomfort was compounded.

Mist looked to him like she belonged under moonlight, or perhaps runelight, not in the reality of dust and sunshine. Even her eyes had the color washed from them, leaving them paler than the sky or the sea. Except Kross suspected he only saw her that way because of the impression of the distant eyes of a dream-walker. Kross got a feeling that no matter where she was or what she was doing, at the same time she was also listening to something else far away.

He had known people like that, once. They had been sorcerers so powerful that they could be looking through the veil at any moment, so that they barely had attention to spare for anything that moved around them in the everyday world. Although, in Mist's case there wasn't a single drop of the careless cruelty Kross remembered. If she truly sensed some ethereal power beyond the world Kross knew, it didn't sap her empathy. It simply left him far more lost than usual as he fumbled with how to speak to her.

"You must know Raguna very well, to visit him at home." Kross didn't know why he was babbling uncomfortably. Or at least as close as he got to babbling. Most people who made him uncomfortable could easily be met with silence. Besides, he barely knew Mist. At most he would pass her on holidays as she finished her morning prayers at the church.

"I'm not sure. Raguna gave me a pickled turnip earlier. I don't think that's very nice to do to the poor little turnip." Mist pursed her lips into a little pout.

Kross had no idea how to respond to that. He tried to focus on his work, letting the noise of it drown out his own indecision, but all too soon he had finished. The shape of the enlarged kitchen grew smoothly out of the house as if it had always belonged there. It could have been built right into the original designs. Kross ran one hand over the finished boards, permitting himself a wistful shadow of a smile. He had always been a terrible cook, while Raguna was gaining skill so fast that he already needed a bigger kitchen to practice in. This, at least, he could do with his own hands and be satisfied with his work.

"What's wrong?" Mist wanted to know. She shifted until she was looking up through the protective curtain of hair. It was a move he was already getting used to Raguna using on him, but having someone else do it made him pull back in surprise.

"I think Raguna likes to offer gifts to the people he cares about," Kross said. He would pretend that she hadn't asked about him, that they were still talking about Raguna.

"You're right." Mist closed her eyes when she smiled. Her face lit up brightly, and the otherworldly quality momentarily vanished. "He really is kind, and I know he wouldn't give someone a gift he knew they didn't like on purpose, so it's okay!"

Kross retreated to tell Raguna that his extension was done, head down as he thought. Was there anything he wouldn't accept now if it was Raguna offering it to him?

 **Spring 25**

The field Raguna had adopted was smooth and well-tended now. Not every inch was tilled, but he cleared the debris daily until only the largest rocks remained.

Kross could have offered to get rid of those last few rocks for Raguna. He watched Raguna automatically dodge around one on his way from one strawberry patch to the next, and reminded himself that Raguna hadn't asked for his help.

If he was honest, Kross thought he would rather not see Raguna's reaction to his strength. His first spring in the village he had pushed a boulder much larger than those scattered remnants out of Erik's field. Erik had thanked him profusely, but his shock had been all too clear. He had been expecting to lose a day or more trying to find someone with a monster strong enough to move it, not to find that his new neighbor was as strong as a monster himself.

Kross told himself he would rather see Raguna proud of his progress and enthusiastic about his future plans. Raguna was happily carving out a home for himself without Kross interfering.

"How do you like your barn?" Kross asked. Perhaps soon Raguna would tame a wonderful, strong monster and then he would never need Kross's help.

"It's beautiful! It feels like the monsters are so happy living there. I was trying to keep a close eye in case they didn't get along living together. I tamed a Buffamoo and she's very, uh. . ."

"Opinionated?" Kross remembered Buffamoos fondly. He felt that fondness clogging his voice, not quite like tears.

Raguna laughed. "That's a good way to put it! I love her. I'm relieved she's getting along with Annie."

"Monsters usually don't fight among themselves. As long as they're happy and feel safe, then even if they're from different places they should get along."

"Oh. That makes me feel a lot better. I really should have thought to come ask you first! I'm surprised you don't have a barn of your own."

"I'm not the type of person who can tame a monster and keep it happily." Kross sighed and directed his gaze away from both Raguna and the barn.

"But you even had the pet glove. I. . . would you need it back?" Politeness couldn't kill the honest feelings in Raguna's voice. He didn't want to give it back. He wanted to live with his monsters and keep them happy.

"I was only holding it for a man who left a long time ago. It would be better in the hand of someone who cares for monsters. I thought you would be that person."

Kross found that he truly believed that. It wasn't just what he wanted. If the dead could speak his judgement of Raguna would still ring true. It was something right in the world.

"Then I promise to always take good care of them."

Kross dipped his head in a shallow nod, accepting the promise.

"Kross, do you mind if I ask you about monsters sometimes? It seems like you know a lot about them and how to keep them happy."

"If you want to."

It seemed that Raguna truly was eager to learn about monsters. He was thinking about taming a Wooly next. Kross had grown up with Woolys, and found he was happy to share what he knew with his surprisingly eager audience.

The time until noon, when they usually parted, seemed to rush by in minutes. Kross realized his throat was starting to feel rough. He was completely unused to talking this much. Before he could turn to go Raguna stopped him with a gift.

"I have to go see Lute this afternoon and get more kitchen things installed, but I was able to make this. Since you liked the raw fish before." There was a hint of teasing in Raguna's voice, but the gift he offered wasn't a joke. It was squid sashimi, sliced and arranged neatly. "I think something like this would taste better, right?"

Kross wouldn't argue against the gift Raguna had prepared tasting good.

He thought of Raguna cooking in the newly expanded kitchen, and to his surprise he felt warmed with pride knowing the addition he had built into Raguna's home was being used. It appeared there were things he could do for Raguna that would be welcome after all.

 **Spring 27**

Kross was so accustomed to feeling at peace in the rain, it took most of the day for him to admit that something felt off. Something was nagging at him, leaving him dissatisfied and uneasy, and it took several hours of cycling through troubled thoughts before he realized what was bothering him.

Rain meant he wouldn't see Raguna today.

When had he become so used to Raguna's presence that missing one visit gnawed at him like this? He wasn't lonely. He had spent most of the day at church with Stella, and his world was briefly calm even though there was no work for him. He didn't need Raguna's company the way he needed the untroubled sleep the rain would give him.

Just as Kross was convincing himself that he didn't even like the sky, he wanted it covered with clouds, and he definitely didn't need to see a flash of that same endless blue in anyone's eyes, Raguna was at his door.

Raguna hadn't come to visit him at the last few rainy days, though Kross knew he went out running here and there in spite of the weather. Yet here he was, just wanting to step in long enough to say a quick hello. For once Raguna didn't come bearing a gift, and he was dripping water on Kross's floor, but Kross hardly noticed.

He didn't admit it to himself until after Raguna had gone, but seeing Raguna was a gift in itself.

 **Spring 29**

"Kross!" A happy call came from over the fence, and Kross lifted his head, as always, just enough to catch Raguna waving and smiling at him. He didn't pause in his work until Raguna had stepped carefully through his field and was right beside him, obviously intending to talk.

"Oh, you're harvesting too. It feels like suddenly everything is ready all at the same time, doesn't it?"

Kross nodded, not sure what to say. They had all been counting down the last days of the season when they planted their last cycle of crops, after all.

"Even the seeds from Rosetta's shop are all blooming now. And Eunice was handing out flowers to everyone this morning. She's so thoughtful."

Kross remembered the innkeeper's daughter being shy and polite. To him it seemed like a very outgoing gesture, but he knew that for someone who enjoyed being close to people it was easier to express that sort of kindness.

He wasn't surprised that he hadn't been given a flower. He preferred to be forgotten, even by his nearest neighbors. He didn't know how to express this to such a kind idealist as Raguna, and so he murmured the first thing that came into his mind, a few words about growing dead grasses. It was nearly the end of the season, after all. Soon enough the spring crops would be nothing but dead and dry grass, and flowers would be irrelevant.

"Did you not get one?" Raguna interrupted. "Here, Kross." He held out a yellow flower. It was a cheerful little thing, even as it looked almost bleached out under the strong sunlight.

Kross accepted it, because Raguna was handing it to him, but he didn't know what he was supposed to do with it. He touched the plant delicately, finding soft petals that bruised easily between his fingers and leaves that were no more than thin salad greens. Kross had never had space in his field to set aside for growing decorative flowers, but he did encourage the few herbs and flowers that could grow in the narrow planter in front of his house. As far as he was concerned the final goal of those flowers was the same as any other crop.

"This tastes good," he offered to Raguna, same as with any other gift of food that had been placed into his hands.

"Kross, don't eat it!" It was too late for that. Raguna laughed and shook his head. "That can't taste as good as vegetables. You really will eat anything, won't you? But you could've used it to brighten up your house or something."

Why on earth would he need flowers for decoration when he had his blueprints spread out over the table? Besides, even if the petals were bitter and the leaves were limp, he had tasted far worse.

"It used to be very difficult to grow crops here without potions and expensive aids. Even then, many of them would wither before they could ripen." Kross had subsisted on weeds and the withered remains of his dead crops in those times. He would never waste offered food.

"I'm sorry, Kross. I wish I could have been here then. Maybe another pair of hands would have helped."

Raguna reached out and laid one of his work-toughened hands on Kross's shoulder, and Kross froze at the touch. If Raguna had wanted his attention, he certainly had it now. Kross was motionless, hardly even paying attention to what Raguna said. "Next time I'll bring you something good to eat, okay?"

The hand was lifted, and Kross's own hand rose to cover the same spot, feeling as if an impression of Raguna's hand had been left behind on his shoulder.

"Oh, that's right! Erik keeps reminding me about not planting anything now because there won't be enough time left to grow it, so it's time for us to get summer crops ready. What do you like to grow in summer? I'll make sure to grow something different to share with you, okay?"

It took a minute for Kross to drag words out. Even now that he was well aware of Raguna's generosity the idea that he would choose his crops with the intention to share was so confusing.

"Pumpkins and corn," he finally managed. He had bought the seeds already. He liked corn. It would keep producing all season as long as he tended it. Stella had mentioned needing a few pumpkins herself, and he always liked the untamed way the pumpkin leaves splayed out and the vines coiled along the ground. He had enough seeds for the whole season.

"Okay. I'm going to buy some seeds from Erik. I'll see you tomorrow, Kross!"

With that Raguna was gone. He didn't touch Kross again. He didn't have to. The unfamiliar echo of being touched once, with no hint of malice, stayed with Kross for the rest of the day.


	2. Summer - Season of Fire

I didn't mean to take so long with this update. I promise it won't take me a year to finish! (This will be 5 chapters long when complete. Four seasons plus a little extra)

Summer is a hard season for Kross, both for the heat and the memories.

* * *

 **Summer - Season of Fire**

 **Summer 1** (Beach Opening)

The first day of summer had dawned bright and hot as anyone could wish. Kross went about the familiar work laid out for him, but it was hard to not think about one thing that had changed in the last season. Now he spent his holiday mornings at Raguna's homestead, watching his hardworking neighbor and talking with him whenever he took a moment's break. He was even becoming more comfortable with the possibility that Raguna would pick something fresh from his field and offer it as a gift.

Today Raguna's fields were filled with neat plots sprinkled with new seeds, and here and there even the first tiny shoots of plants Raguna had seeded the night before were poking their way up through the soil. Kross entertained a brief fantasy that they were growing faster just for him. The air around Raguna's fields was thick with the colored lights of runeys, and even Kross could sense how much living energy was in that field.

As Kross approached the farm, Raguna was busy cutting fodder for his monsters and carrying armfuls of it up to the barn. He paused just long enough to smile at Kross and call a happy greeting before hurrying to finish the chore.

It seemed unfair that after daring to shake up Kross's world, actually making him change his schedule and leaving him eager to see another face, Raguna had built his own regular schedule. He kept humming to himself as he worked, apparently comfortable in Kross's company.

That was why he reminded Raguna to hurry along to the beach, Kross told himself. As for why he ran interference with Erik, allowing Raguna a little time to shine on his own as all the young people in town celebrated the start of beach season, Kross had no answer even for himself.

His head ached mercilessly from the heat. He would blame the heat for making it difficult to think.

It was only a few minutes after he had retreated to the peace of Stella's church that Raguna found him. He smelled of summer sun and salty ocean spray, his face glowing with a wide smile as he came to ask why Kross hadn't joined them at the beach that morning. He immediately began trying to tell Kross how much fun it had been with everyone.

When he'd laughed about the idea to play melon pinata (softly, he was still mindful they were in a church), Kross felt his own mind skip right over the summer game. It was the heat that did it to him, the overpowering summer heat that baked the senses out of his brain. It didn't matter how cool it was in the shade of the church. It had to be the heat that was making him smell that old miasma of sweat and blood and choking dust.

"I hate watermelons. . ." Kross murmured. His voice crawled from his throat in a slow slide of gravel. His lips were dry enough to crack from shaping the words. There was no water, only dust. "The red won't wash off. No matter how much I wash my hands, the red of the watermelon won't wash off. . ."

The sound of a melon splitting under a hammer blow was too familiar to him. Kross didn't have to hear it to have it echoing in his head. It was the wet crack of a skull being crushed, so vivid he shocked himself with the memory.

Kross wrung his hands together to get rid of the sticky paste of blood and dust. There was no water to wash them. He could taste the dust, his tongue grating dry against the roof of his mouth. Everything was choked in dust and heat and the stench of rot. There was no water anywhere.

"Kross?" Raguna grabbed for his hands and he jerked away from the sudden movement. "I won't give you any watermelon if you don't like it," Raguna was promising him, words pattering so fast they fell over each other. "It's okay. I won't give you anything you don't like. You don't have to have anything to do with it if you don't like it."

Kross wasn't sure those words applied to what was happening here and now. He could barely hear over the scream of cicadas ringing in his ears. He didn't want to hear anything happening beyond that noise. He knew what kinds of human noises they drowned out.

"Stella, what's wrong with him? What should I do?" Raguna cried, his voice rising with a fear that made Kross lift his head in search of the threat. The tension of fight-or-flight coiled in his muscles, winding up so tightly it made them slow to respond. He seemed to be breathing very quickly. It was difficult to get enough air yet he struggled with shallow breaths to keep the smell of carrion from settling in his lungs.

Following Raguna's gaze, he could only that see Stella had stepped out from behind the pulpit. She moved slowly enough for his eyes to track. He could see stained glass behind her through the heat haze. That was something he could focus his eyes on, bright colors not dulled by dust. That bright tapestry of glass didn't belong in hell.

"Kross," she called. Something about her steady voice could only belong to one tiny fragment of his life. "Do you need to rest? You can rest here at the church. It's Lara's day off, but we can take you to the infirmary."

The words helped orient him. Kross focused on the sound of her voice and the space of the church around him. He knew this sanctuary. He knew the wood itself where he had repaired it. "Yes," he acknowledged. This was a place he could stay.

"Will you let Raguna help you?" Kross's head was heavy but he thought he must have nodded. Raguna's shoulder wedged under his arm to support him. An arm pressed hot across his back as Raguna guided him forward.

Raguna was strong. Not strong enough to force him if he'd wanted to fight back, but more than strong enough to handle his weight and half-carry him through the church and into the infirmary.

With Raguna's coaxing, Kross perched on the edge of the bed. He didn't want to lie down, even if the person standing over him wasn't a threat.

Raguna was sent away from his side to find water. Kross was sure there was no water. The whole world was dry and dead.

Except then somehow there was water. Raguna held the cup until his hands could clutch it, then coaxed him to drink when he was unable to believe it was real long enough to tilt it against his parched lips.

"Can you rest now?"

The taste of dust was washed out of his mouth. Kross ran his tongue behind his teeth and then over his lips. The life wasn't wrung out of his world after all, but making his way back to a place where he could find water had left him disoriented.

"You are here to heal. You have to rest and let that happen."

This was Stella, he remembered. Her voice was a lifeline he used to pull himself away from the sound of cicadas. Kross lay back, holding his breath at first, but all Stella did was turn on Raguna again, making him fetch her clean cloths and more water. She was so close he could smell the lotion she used on her hands, something green and sweet like a flower he couldn't name. That smell could only belong in the peaceful life of a farmer, and Kross finally allowed himself to breathe deep, no longer afraid of the sickening reeling that familiar smells would bring him.

"What happened? Is he sick?" Raguna asked. His forehead puckered and his eyes were soft with concern. Kross couldn't believe Raguna was wearing that face for him. There must be something wrong. What was he good for if he couldn't at least get rid of whatever was wrong?

"It's just heat stroke. We always have some of our foolish farmers overworking themselves in the sun until they keel over this time of year. The first day of summer is a record, though. You should be proud, Kross." Stella paused her lecture to bathe his face with the cool cloth.

Raguna knelt beside him. His hand came to rest near Kross's hand. Kross wasn't sure which one of them made the last move, but their fingertips touched together. Kross stared down at the alien sight of a hand touching his. Not trying to stop him or harm him or do anything to him. Just fingertips touching fingertips.

"He'll be all right, won't he?" Raguna wanted to know.

"Of course." Stella's eyes also went to the meeting of their hands, but she didn't comment. "Will you do me a favor and look after him until Lara comes back this evening?"

"Of course! I'd be glad to stay with him, if it will help at all," Raguna answered.

Cool water slowly eroded away the idea that Raguna's concern must be for deadly horrors in the shadows, until it was no longer urgent that he somehow get up to fight them off. Once he was laying quietly, firmly grounded in Trampoli where he belonged, Stella left him to Raguna's care with a set of strict instructions to keep him cool, make him drink, and remind him where he was if he became delirious again. It seemed to Kross like an unnecessary burden to place on anyone for his sake.

It was a few minutes after Stella left them alone that Raguna spoke again. "Sorry," he whispered. "I was playing at the beach while you were. . . I'm sorry."

"You don't owe me anything," Kross reminded him. "And I don't expect anything."

"Yes, but. . . I had hoped we were becoming friends. Friends look after each other, right?" Raguna smiled at him, and something inside Kross's chest clenched up tight. He didn't know how to fight off Raguna's well-meaning naivety.

"You don't need to look after me. I've always recovered quickly."

When Kross sat up there was a hand ready to help him. He tried to ignore it and said, "I need to follow my normal schedule."

"You would be in the church now, right? It wouldn't be so different to stay and rest."

Raguna was right about that. There was also a chance that if he went into the church now Stella would only order him to rest.

Kross stayed where he was. He could just reach to touch the wall. It was solid under his fingertips. There were some things that he had learned to use to focus himself. The feeling of wood or stone under his hands was the most reliable. He had successfully separated himself from the heat-haze of memory, but he still loved the texture of smooth-sanded wood.

"You can go, if you want to. I'm fine," he said, because Raguna was still here. Perhaps he needed Kross release him.

Raguna sat down next to him. Out of the corner of his eye Kross caught that smile still warming his face.

"I'd rather stay with you, if you don't mind my company. It's nice to spend time with you."

It felt nice to have Raguna here with him.

"If you really want to stay."

"I really want to stay," Raguna confirmed. "Is there anything you'd like to talk about? Do you have any plans for the summer?"

Raguna didn't seem to mind being told 'no' when Kross couldn't think of anything good to say about summer. He didn't mind sharing silence.

Kross didn't mind having him there. Once he thought about it, he found he welcomed Raguna's company.

 **Summer 2**

"You built that overnight, didn't you?" Raguna demanded. He was pointing at the Sainte-Coquille mansion that now dominated the landscape, situated on a small hill to better catch the eye of passers-by. "No one else could do that!"

Kross looked up at the mansion, found it exactly as he had intended it, and lowered his eyes again to the task at hand. "Yes, I built it." He had meant to build it overnight, but there had been the task of clearing out his field for summer crops first. Technically he had done it in the space of a few morning hours before he had gone to visit Raguna, but that was close enough.

"But how did you build it so fast? Is that how you exhausted yourself so much you collapsed!? Kross, don't do things like that!"

Kross raised his gaze enough to look at Raguna, regarding his agitated neighbor with dull frustration. "It's my job." He only felt at peace when he was building, crafting, or working in his fields. Why would Raguna ask him to stop?

"Well, yes, but. . . I worry about you if you take on too much all at once." Raguna admitted.

His face flushed an unexpected shade of red. As Kross watched, Raguna darted a look at him and then away. Kross didn't even have to point out that Raguna was just as bad as him, if not worse. Running from field to dungeon and trying to do every last task all by himself.

"Never mind." With that, Raguna dashed off to meet his new neighbors.

 **Summer 5**

Kross glanced up even before the patter of Raguna's footfalls slowed, and ended up watching Raguna approach him. For just a moment Raguna stood with his shoulders squared as if preparing himself for something serious.

"I wanted to make up for last time," Raguna informed him as he handed over a plate of fish. "It's better cooked properly, right?"

It was a plate of pond smelt. The small fish had been gutted, salted, and cooked until their skin was crispy.

Kross agreed that it was good, watching as Raguna's face relaxed into a smile.

"It took some practice before I could cook this," Raguna admitted.

There were tiny cuts and burns on Raguna's hands. All of them had closed up cleanly this morning, but they were proof he had been up cooking long past when he was too tired to pay attention properly and had started to hurt himself.

Kross felt an unexpected urge tell Raguna to slow down, to make it clear that he didn't need to push himself so far that it hurt. It wasn't his place to tell Raguna what to do, so why did he suddenly want to take Raguna's hands in his and make sure all of the damage had healed?

 **Summer 7**

Kross decided that all heat-sick irritability aside, he was happy with a routine that involved watching Raguna work on his holiday mornings. Raguna certainly seemed happy to have his company.

The mostly one-sided conversation was comfortable, at least until Raguna veered onto an unfamiliar topic. "Have you had a chance to meet Bianca and Tabatha yet? They're spending the summer in the mansion you built. I actually met them before I came to Trampoli, so I was surprised to see them here."

"I haven't been there since I finished my work."

He was grateful Raguna knew him well enough not to protest that they were right next door, but then Raguna had to say something confusing instead. "I hope you get a chance to meet Tabatha properly soon. She's a very kind person, and she likes monsters, so you have something in common!"

"That's good." Kross wasn't sure what to say to that. He didn't think it had anything to do with him, but it was good that she liked monsters.

"You would like her. She's very kind, and she's an easy person to be around, like you."

Why was Raguna praising her? Kross didn't understand, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. Raguna liked everyone, so why did this feel different?

When he didn't respond Raguna finally said, "I think you would get along, but since neither of you are very outgoing I wanted to say something."

"Don't worry about that."

Kross wasn't sure why, but the explanation made him feel better. He should be annoyed that Raguna was meddling, however unsuccessfully. Instead he felt relieved. He allowed himself to be distracted by the glimpses of what Raguna thought of him. 'An easy person to be with.' It seemed like extravagant praise to him.

He was in the cool sanctuary of the church when he happened to see Tabatha. She greeted him politely, but then allowed a comfortable silence to fall between them. Kross was grateful.

It wasn't until they both left the church and ended up walking in the same direction that she spoke to him again.

"I wish to thank you. The summer home you built is very comfortable. I know that Miss Bianca is pleased with it as well."

"I'm glad. You can come to me if you need any extensions." Kross found it easier to talk about his work than anything else. He couldn't imagine needing to add anything onto a house like that, unless the small area serving as a barn needed to be expanded. Raguna had said she liked monsters, but he hadn't seen any so far.

"Have you been able to tame any of the monsters here?" he asked, and immediately felt foolish. What was he going to do if she confessed she was having difficulty? Raguna would be the one to ask for help, not him.

"No. I'm afraid Miss Bianca is still a little reluctant to share the house with monsters." There was a real sadness in Tabatha's voice, enough that even Kross picked up on it. When he glanced at her, her face was as serene as ever. "I do hope to see a day when people will live side-by-side with monsters."

Like Raguna, Kross thought. Like many beloved people who were now lost to him. Even like himself, although he could never make it happen.

"In the village where I grew up there were many monsters that lived peacefully alongside us. My father built our barn against the house so we could look after them even during the worst winter storms." That was almost as much as he had told Stella about his past before, a shocking amount.

"That sounds wonderful. I would love to visit your village someday."

Kross could never forget that he could never go home again.

He was silent too abruptly and too long, because Tabatha eventually said, "I apologize. I won't ask again. I confess I'm not sure if I will ever go home myself."

Perhaps Raguna was right about them having some things in common, and about Tabatha being easy to be around.

"I hope you will enjoy living in Trampoli." It felt like an awkward thing to say and an awkward way to say it, but Kross felt something needed to be said. He had found his happiness here. Couldn't he wish the same for others?

"Thank you. I'm sure it will be a wonderful summer."

 **Summer 9**

Outside the wind was howling, clawing at the door and lashing the windows with rain, but it couldn't find even a crack to crawl into Kross's sturdy house.

The first spring he spent in Trampoli had been unusually stormy. He had helped patch up Erik's house, but Erik's constant concern was what the storms were doing to his fields. It had been all they could do to clear and replant them before the next storm hit.

Alone in his own house, Kross didn't worry so much. There was nothing he could do about it until the storm passed. Then he would be back in his field again.

The sound of rain and wind was comforting to Kross. It reminded him of winter storms when he was a child, when they might be trapped inside for days. Back then there was always something to be done during those long hours. Kross remembered the sound of his mother's loom, his father humming as he worked, his sisters' voices. They were small sounds that could have existed under the wind, but Kross's home was too empty for him to imagine them.

Now Kross worked quietly by himself. He mended his tools, made a few small crafts, and found himself being drawn into working on his blueprints. He kept designing new plans for how he would expand Raguna's house, if Raguna came to ask him again.

Raguna wouldn't come visit today, of course. Kross caught himself looking at the door from time to time anyway. He would see Raguna again soon, he told himself. He only needed to sleep, to sleep deeply without dreams, until the storm passed.

 **Summer 10**

Hot risotto was perfect for a damp, rainy summer evening. Kross had never known that before. It was far beyond his skills to cook successfully.

Raguna brought him some when he came to visit. Kross thought his heart lifted to see Raguna more than for the savory smell of the food he had brought. He didn't seem to mind the rain still falling gently after yesterday's storm, which was enough to soak any traveler to the bone.

"I promised I would plant some of the crops you weren't growing so I could share with you. Would you like to eat this with me? You can tell me if it's any good."

He couldn't tell if Raguna was teasing him. He would always say any food Raguna brought him was good, and this was no different.

They ate dinner together. Kross even cleared his precious blueprints to one side for the occasion. The sound of rain outside washed away the rest of the world and left the evening calm and safe. Kross felt peaceful looking across the table at Raguna's kind face.

Stella's sermon for the day came back to his mind. (It was more like a lecture from a great-aunt, one who had shed any patience she'd once had for childish nonsense.) She had talked about self care. As he was loved and cared for by others, so must he learn to love and care for himself. Kross had willfully pretended he didn't know what she meant, but she knew how Raguna treated him. She knew he had that example to learn from, and she knew he knew it.

If there was some logical reason underlying Raguna's kindness, Kross couldn't guess it. That bothered him much less than it once had. He thought that Stella meant for him to care for himself even when he didn't have a clear reason why he deserved it.

His self-deprecating smile at the thought was met with a positive ray of sunshine from Raguna. Maybe it wouldn't kill him to try.

 **Summer 12**

As he worked it was easy to forget that he wasn't alone with his materials and his tools. He was focused only on the smooth sturdiness of wood and stone in his hands. The act of creating something, of bringing his sketched designs into reality, was meditative. While he was working everything else faded away into the distance. Even the oppressive summer heat couldn't touch him.

It wasn't until he had put the final touches on his work that he was aware of Raguna watching him. More accurately; openly staring at him. Kross braced one hand on the wall of the extension he had just finished. He already knew there was no fault to find in his work, only in him.

"Even watching you work I can't believe you can do it so fast!" Raguna moved to touch the expanded wall as well, his hand coming to rest close alongside Kross's. "Yet even I can tell it's perfect. I'm really impressed."

Kross felt the uncertain curve of a smile tugging at his mouth, hearing praise for the work he had put all of himself into. He could even imagine that Raguna was happy in a home improved by his hands. "I'm glad you are pleased with it."

"You must be really thirsty after that. Give me a minute and I'll get you something."

"That's not necessary."

"But you worked so hard building this for me! I can at least give you something cold to drink."

"This is my job," Kross reminded him once again. "You already paid for the extension. You don't need to give me anything."

"It's not that. I'm worried about you overworking yourself again, especially in this heat. Just a minute!"

What could Raguna possibly see in him that he spent energy worrying? It felt like he was tricking Raguna to allow the little gestures of kindness to continue, and yet he accepted Raguna's concern in the form of a glass of cold juice. It was easier than trying to explain, he told himself.

It was unexpectedly pleasant to stay there even after his work was done, drinking fresh orange juice with Raguna and breathing in the sweet scent of sawdust.

"Is there anything you don't like?" Ragina asked. When Kross didn't answer right away Raguna gave him a sheepish little smile and added, "I keep managing to give people the one thing they really don't like. Everyone's been nice about it, but I don't want to make anyone unhappy. I don't want to do anything like that to you, Kross. That's why I'm asking," he trailed off, looking away after his confession.

Kross was silent for another minute more, but he had already had the chance to think about if there was any gift he knew he didn't want.

"I really don't like curry powder and flour," he admitted in a low voice. "I can't cook myself, so someone might find out."

"Is it bad if someone finds out?"

"A man's weaknesses should be a private matter."

"I guess so," Raguna answered. He looked down at the orange juice that he had just made and then up at Kross again. "Does it bother you if I bring you things like this?"

"I like your cooking," Kross admitted. His throat seemed suddenly hoarse, his voice coming out more softly than when he had confessed his own weakness. Raguna's smile gave him no doubt that he was heard.

 **Summer 13**

Raguna wasn't in his fields when Kross arrived. Instead Lute was in front of the house with a cart piled high with metal fixtures. He looked up with a bright smile and waved.

"Good morning, Kross! Are you going to help me install this?"

Kross froze, not used to being greeted with such energy by anyone but Raguna. Lute was Erik's friend, so he knew the optimistic painter in passing, but that barely went beyond an awareness of Lute's routine presence.

"You don't have to do anything," Raguna interrupted. "I just have to get this all inside first, and then we can take a break together."

This was the new equipment for the expansion Kross had built for his forge. Installing fixtures was outside of Kross's normal work, but he moved to help unload the cart in spite of Raguna's protests that he had done so much already. He felt uncomfortable sitting idle while they finished his work.

"It's fine," Lute reassured Raguna. "Kross might look like a stick, but he's so strong it's scary."

After that Kross kept his head down and his ears closed as he worked hauling everything inside. Raguna moved each piece into position so Lute could do the actual installation. Lute chatted happily with Raguna while he worked. He kept directing comments at Kross with a cheerful tone that didn't penetrate past the words already echoing around his head.

It didn't take long with the three of them working together. Lute called goodbye to them on his way back to the central square. Kross turned to make his way on to church, hours earlier than usual, and felt Raguna's hand on his arm.

"Are you all right?" Raguna wanted to know. "I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to do all that work on your day off. Are you angry? Is there anything I can do to make it up. . . ?"

Kross kept walking. He refused to stop for the small tugs on his arm, even if he couldn't bring himself to shake Raguna's hand off.

Raguna kept pace with him long enough that he realized there was nowhere he could run to knowing he would have to use force to keep Raguna from following. He stopped on the hill beside Raguna's barn.

The moment he looked back at Raguna he felt he had been defeated in one blow. He allowed Raguna to urge him to stay, so that they ended up sitting side by side on the dry grass.

"I'm not angry." Kross finally said, the words dragged slowly out of him.

Raguna was silent for a minute before trying to explain. "Lute was praising your work this morning, you know. He's right. Everything you build is beautiful. I like living in a house that has your touch in it, and I know the monsters love the barn you built for them."

Kross couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. Raguna thought about the work he had put into those extensions. Raguna was happy living with his work.

"I'm going to tell Lute to apologize," Raguna decided. "He can't tease you so much just because you don't respond."

Raguna moved to stand up, and Kross grabbed him by the arm before he could think. He barely tugged and Raguna fell back into the grass beside him. He let go immediately as Raguna raised his other hand to rub his shoulder.

The words Lute had said as an innocent jest echoed around his head. 'So strong it's scary.' He could hurt Raguna with nothing more than a lapse of judgement.

"Are you all right?" Raguna asked again. As if Kross was the one who might be hurt.

Kross moved to stand, only to have Raguna grab his arm and pull. He found himself yanked back to the ground, shocked by the strength he only half realized was contained in Raguna's body. Kross raised one hand to rub his own shoulder, although there was only a vague memory of what he should have felt rather than actual discomfort. He forgot sometimes that Raguna was strong too. He only showed his kindness.

"I like spending my holidays with you," Raguna reminded him. "I like your company."

There were moments when Kross himself wasn't sure there was anything more to him than frightening strength, but Raguna acted like he saw more than that.

A guilty gnawing feeling deep inside wanted to be the person Raguna was seeing, the one he was smiling at so encouragingly. If only he could grow into someone else, just being tended by Raguna's hands.

 **Summer 14**

An unexpected commotion outside interrupted Kross's early morning. There was the sound of a great number of running feet and familiar squeaking sounds that he couldn't quite place.

He opened the door in time to see Anette shoot by in a cloud of dust, sprinting towards Raguna's farm without stopping. He only needed to take a step outside to see why she had been in such a hurry. A small flock of Woolys had been chasing her, right up until they spotted him. They tripped over one another trying to stop.

Kross didn't have to do anything. He didn't have time to do anything. The Woolys fled back the way they had come.

This was the normal reaction when Kross encountered monsters, now. This was how things were.

It still hurt.

His mother was always the best in the village when it came to taming monsters, and she had raised him and his sisters to love and respect monsters just as she did. She was the one who tamed and cared for several powerful monsters that helped everyone in the village when it came to removing rocks or tree stumps, as well as keeping her own flock of Woolys. As a child he had snuck into the barn with them when he couldn't sleep. Many times she had found him still there in the morning, asleep in the straw in the middle of the flock.

Kross started the day with a painful hole gnawed under his breastbone. That empty place had been there for years, but some days hurt more than others. He usually tried not to think about the monsters too much, or about his childhood.

Now he remembered how gentle and fearless his mother was. He could see her, bruised and stubborn and yet with endless patience. He remembered how she would coo nonsense to them, as she had when his sister Emery was still a baby. It had felt like a secret language. He had asked her about it once.

"Monsters don't understand words, sweetheart. You have to show them your intentions for them to understand you. If you can show them you are trustworthy then they will trust you."

Kross supposed that now when monsters saw him they understood right away that he was not something they could trust. The distance at which this happened seemed to be growing greater, too.

Bianca and Tabatha were out taking their new monster for a walk when Kross next looked up. Bianca had one hand resting delicately on Francoise's shoulder, and no attention to spare for anything else. Tabatha looked over to nod at him as a little bit of courtesy.

Francoise was more honest, giving a brief snort and a stamp before trying to speed up to get past his farm.

Usually if Kross was contained within his fence he didn't unsettle monsters that passed by. He retreated into his home to wait until Francoise passed back the other way.

He didn't want to be a frightening thing.

As he was waiting someone came to knock on his door, someone much more difficult to scare away.

"Kross? There you are. Is everything okay?" Raguna called as he let himself in.

"Do you need something?"

"No, I just wanted to see you. Are you feeling sick from the heat again? Do you need water?" Raguna reached out as if to steady Kross, though he stopped short of touching him.

Kross closed his eyes for a moment. Raguna was so close Kross could smell him. The scent of a well-tended monster barn clung to his clothes, the musk and muck and the dusty-dry scent of fodder. Today those smells made it difficult to breathe.

"Kross?"

"I'm sorry, but if you don't have work for me than please leave."

"But. . ." Raguna withdrew his hand. Kross noticed how he didn't step back until he had checked that there was water close at hand. He still worried too much.

Kross almost asked him to stay. Raguna's kind hands and the scent on his clothes were as close as Kross was ever going to get. Raguna wouldn't run from him. Being human dulled that instinct.

"You probably want to rest, right? I'll be in my field if you need anything."

"Thank you."

Kross almost reached out and grabbed for Raguna's arm when he tuned to go. He only stopped himself at the last second, and luckily Ragina didn't see the unconscious movement of his hand. He needed time to empty out his heart and make peace with himself. He needed to be alone.

He didn't want to be alone.

 **Summer 16**

Midsummer, and the sun beat down so mercilessly Kross could have believed the pain in his temples came from the edge of a heat axe. There was no time to tend to imagined wounds. He had spent the morning on his roof, tightening up his hurried repairs after the last summer storm, before moving to tend to his field.

Today Raguna came bounding down from the Lava Ruins on his way to visit. He ducked though Kross's house and into his fields with the ease of familiarity.

There were singe marks on his clothes from fighting. There were raw, fresh burns on his skin. The sight of them made something deep inside of Kross turn over, like a heavy rock with something nasty living underneath.

"Are you still working hard, Kross?" Raguna asked him. Even with bruises and burns, Raguna still had energy to be friendly. "Don't forget to take a rest every once in a while. It's gotten really hot this summer."

Summer was always like this. "I don't have any good memories of summer. The choking dust. . . monsters attacking. . . that year was certainly hell."

There had been no water. The crops would have died in the fields. There had been no chance to grow anything. No, that summer had been nothing but fire, drought, and destruction.

Kross bent his head under the relentless force of the sun, and for a moment he was in a haze of heat and dust. The wooden handle of his hoe felt wrong in this place. He tried to fix his eyes on green, but now it made more sense to see his crops as dead things beaten down into the mud.

There was no water. Mud was only found where blood flowed thick enough to hold the dust down.

"Kross?"

The sound of a human voice jolted Kross sideways. He knew Raguna was there but he didn't expect him to approach. He watched Raguna pick his way closer and tried to put him in context. Armor of mis-matched cloth and leather was the mark of a scavenger. His eyes were wide enough to betray fear, but he hadn't taken his weapon in his hands.

Raguna stopped within range of the hoe Kross was clutching but not close enough to touch Kross himself. Kross was afraid his body would wield the tool he was holding in a way for which it was never intended. If the weapon didn't work there was always his hands. Kross tightened his grip on the wooden shaft. His hands seemed more dangerous. He didn't want to hurt the boy standing before him.

He could read fear in every line of tension. Why wasn't the boy running? He was burned. It was only a glancing blow, his skin not charred black by magic fire, but he was burned. There must be worse things than Kross here, but he couldn't hear them over the scream of cicadas.

"It's the heat," Raguna said. His voice became firmer with each word. "Kross, you're feeling sick from the heat. Come cool down, Kross. I'll get you something to drink."

"There's no water," Kross mumbled around the dryness of dust in his mouth. No water, and everything was dying slowly even if they didn't help it along. The smell of carrion-churned mud was so powerful his other senses seemed to fade.

"At least come rest in the shade. Will you let me help you, Kross?"

The name Raguna kept calling cut into his sun-soaked confusion and jarred with the racket of cicadas. The man who belonged to that name wasn't here anymore. The man who had taken that name belonged to another life now.

Raguna didn't belong here, stranded halfway to Hell. Kross dropped the hoe and trusted Raguna to take his arm and guide him until they were standing in a tiny sanctuary of shade that fell along the wall of his house.

Kross slapped his hand flat against the wood, spreading his fingers to touch as much as possible. He knew these walls. He had built this house with his own two hands. He knew the grain of the wood. He knew every joint and nail. Kross sank down, pressing his forehead against the wall. It was something solid to pull himself back to.

"Here," Raguna coaxed. "Drink this."

It wasn't water, but the energy potion was almost as good. It was cool in his mouth and had the slight bitterness of over-steeped tea. Raguna regulated him to small sips at first, while Kross tried to mentally compare the care with that of a medic. He was still grasping for a frame of reference that would fit Raguna properly. It was a small relief when Raguna stopped hanging over him and moved back to allow him to nurse the bottle until it was empty.

"Do you need to see Stella?" Raguna asked him.

Kross shook his head in refusal, but it still helped to hear her name. Stella belonged to Trampoli the same way his house did. Even Raguna's presence was something he could hold on to if he focused on Raguna's voice and avoided looking at the burns on his arm and the side of his face. Raguna only belonged to this part of his life.

When he lifted his head his fields were full of green, growing things. The soil was still damp where he had watered. A glint of metal among the pumpkin vines caught his eye, but it was only his hoe. He had dropped the tool, believing he could use it in the wrong way. He had halfway forgotten that the magic on it would prevent it from harming Raguna.

"Do you need to go to infirmary and lie down?"

"I'm fine."

"You can at least rest inside."

"I'm fine," Kross repeated, as deadpan as the first time. He forced his way to his feet, lifted his head, and found his headache was all but gone. He turned back to his field, back to his work.

"You should rest for a little while, Kross. I've finished everything I need to do today, so I could help."

"I've always recovered quickly," Kross said.

Twice now Raguna had tried to help him, and it felt strange. At least once each summer Kross managed to work himself into collapse under the sun, but it had never mattered before. Usually he was left alone, reeling through his heat-induced delusions until he came back to himself on his own time.

There had been one time Erik had found him and tried to take him to Stella for help. Apparently Kross had actually taken a swing at him with his hoe. He didn't remember clearly. Erik had not approached Kross during his bouts of heat sickness since.

"Please, at least rest for a little longer. You scared me."

"I need to be in my fields." His fields were home. They were the one place he belonged in this world. The green smell of them, the wind rustling through the corn, he could hold on to those things now. Even in the heat of the summer, he would ground himself here.

"I understand," Raguna answered. When Kross looked over at him he was startled once again by the gentle smile he found. "Kross. . . you have to take care of yourself. You know you can always ask if you need anything at all, right? I'll bring you something cool to drink tomorrow too," he promised.

Raguna didn't lurk along the edges of his field, but he didn't go far, either. Until the afternoon cooled into evening every errand seemed to take him by Kross's field, and every time he passed Kross heard his footsteps slow and pause for a moment.

When Kross finally retired for the night he found Raguna had left another energy potion and a plate of gyoza for him. The gyoza had sat out long enough to cool, but the mix of garlic and onion was strong enough to make his eyes water with gratitude. This time he didn't have the chance to thank Raguna for the food. He didn't have to find words to express how important it was to have something good grown from the summer heat.

Raguna must think that those little tokens were all the help Kross would accept. He wasn't wrong, but at the same time it was so much more than Kross could ever ask.

 **Summer 18**

Raguna came to visit bright and early. Kross was so used to his cheerful greeting by now the moment of hesitation before he answered had almost faded from existence.

When Raguna leaned on his fence Kross realized he had one hand hidden behind his back. His faintly sheepish smile left Kross curious, but not wary.

"These remind me of you," Raguna said as he took his hand from behind his back and held a flower out to Kross over the fence.

It was a pink cat, one of the few flowers Kross could name. The petals pinched together into a rough approximation of a cat's face, with pointed ears and stamen for whiskers.

Kross silently accepted it and looked down at the little cat face. The scent was more musky than sweet. For some reason he liked the idea that this particular flower had reminded Raguna of him.

He decided to start with the ears.

"Kross!" Raguna protested, laughing. "Does it taste good?"

Kross paused and plucked one of the petals, making sure to choose one that was unbruised by tooth marks. He offered it to Raguna.

Raguna hesitated, but took it. He looked at it with more seriousness than it could possibly warrant before putting it in his mouth. Almost immediately he made a face.

"It's kind of weird. I guess it doesn't taste bad."

This was a fair assessment. The leaves were rough and unpleasant and the stem was bitter, but the petals tasted how they smelled. The musk lay heavy on the tongue, but not unpleasantly so.

"Are there any flowers you like? Even if it's just because they taste good. Actually, it would be interesting if there's one that's good to eat."

Kross couldn't think of anything. Some crops had flowers, but the flowers weren't the point. Even the sunflowers he was growing were there so he could eat the seeds.

"What about roses? Like in the song."

"The song?" Kross asked, momentarily off balance.

"The one you shared with me." And then Raguna sang in a warm tenor, "Oh please tell me, monsters. Where, oh where, have the lovely monsters gone? Aren't there any monsters that I can relate to, where I want to stick a blue rose into their fluffy fur?"

For just a moment Kross was reminded of another voice that had sung to the monsters every morning and evening. The voice had sounded nothing like Raguna's. It was full of growly, scratchy notes, as if the singer were a monster himself. He had been human enough to understand how much Kross missed the monsters. It was one of those memories that was painful only because it was gone. Kross tried not to look at it as he pushed it away.

"Kross?"

"I didn't expect you to remember," Kross said.

"The monsters love it. It's a sad song, but I think it helps tell them how much I care about them."

"I know," Kross murmured. Yes, the monsters had always loved it. "I think they would know your feelings anyway."

"Maybe you're right, but I think it's best to be clear. I think if you care about someone it's good to let them know every day if you can." Raguna seemed flustered. He was picking at the top bar of the fence as if searching for splinters. "For example, I really want to see you tomorrow. I thought we could maybe. . . I mean, I enjoy seeing you on holidays. I look forward to it."

"That's why the monsters come to care for you and trust you," Kross told him. He chose not to answer Raguna's comment about wanting to see him. He wanted to see Raguna too, of course. He thought he could understand how the monsters felt, but he wasn't about to say that out loud.

 **Summer 19**

Raguna had already finished most of his farming chores when Kross arrived. He was putting away his watering can and pulling out his fishing pole even as he came to greet Kross. Once again he had a monster trailing along behind him, an Elefun that took advantage of his pause to investigate nearby crops. Kross moved carefully so that Raguna was between him and the monster.

"Hello, Kross! I was going to go down to the lake to fish. Would you come with me?"

It was the first time Raguna had invited him anywhere. He tried not to get stuck on that fact, but apparently he took too long to answer.

"I could fish here if you want to stay, but I thought we could cool off at the lake."

Did that mean Raguna's plans hinged on if he wanted to go? Kross was not sure how to respond to that. He knew the monster would be happier if Raguna led it on a nice walk, although he wasn't sure he should be going with them.

The Elefun was not behaving as if he was a threat, or even interesting. Perhaps Raguna's presence was adequate protection.

"Fine," Kross agreed.

He trailed after Raguna like a second monster on the way back past his farm and up along the mountain path. It took several minutes to be sure, but Raguna's Elefun wasn't shying away from him at all. It showed more interest in the things that grew along the side of the path.

It was strange. Kross almost wanted to hold his breath, so as not to ruin the moment. Wild monsters still fled from him. The Elefun that now lived with Bianca and Tabatha never came near him, but the one Raguna had lovingly tamed trotted calmly beside him.

As they crossed the bridge he saw Stella on the grassy slope leading down to the lake. Raguna called good morning to her and hurried forward, pulling a small white flower out of his bag to present to her.

She accepted the toy herb and thanked him in a warm voice before asking, "Have you been growing these on Whale Island?"

Raguna nodded. "Since it's too hot down here now. I asked the Whale about it first."

"I would expect you to be so polite." She smiled at him, and then at Kross. Her knowing smile seemed to imply she expected to see him following at Raguna's heels. "You two enjoy your outing."

Raguna didn't seem to see anything amiss. He escorted Kross down to the dock with a bit of gentle teasing, "I don't have one for you because you ate the last one."

Kross didn't mind. Raguna had already given him the same flower on the last day of spring. It had tasted like mint.

Near the dock there was a grassy area that sloped down into soft mud with a few water weeds. Raguna led Kross here and gave him a smile, as if waiting for his approval.

His Elefun charged ahead of them into the shallow water.

"Edgar, you're going to scare all the fish away!" Raguna followed into the water to rub affectionately behind the monster's ears. The Elefun swished its trunk in the water, splashing Raguna and making him laugh.

Kross stopped right at the water's edge, not wanting to intrude on the beautiful scene. He let out a soft sigh that was almost a laugh.

"What? It's a dignified name." Raguna protested, misinterpreting the fond sound. He looked mildly offended on his monster's behalf, although he then turned to the Elefun and said, with a tone of utmost affection, "Even though you aren't dignified at all, are you? No, you're silly."

Raguna was splashed again and added, "Did you want to cool off?" before splashing back.

Kross knew Raguna wasn't in danger, but he moved without thinking. He put himself between Raguna and his monster the moment before Raguna would have been sprayed in retaliation. It was only cool lake water, and it wasn't sprayed hard enough to do the tiniest bit of damage. The only consequence was that he was soaked.

"Kross!" Raguna cried. He parted the wet curtain of hair so Kross could see again. He was fighting not to smile. "Are you all right?"

"Fine." It hadn't even been an attack. Kross knew he had overreacted. "My body moved before I remembered you were playing."

The smile won, and settled warm on Raguna's face. He pushed back the hair that had fallen over Kross's left eye, fingers smoothing the strands all the way down to the tips. Kross hardly dared to breathe, as if he could be still enough to hold on to the fleeting sensation of having his hair stroked.

It wasn't until Raguna laughed and turned away that Kross dropped his gaze again.

"Edgar, that was rude," Raguna said, though his tone was warm, not scolding at all. "Here, make up with Kross."

To Kross's surprise the Elefun followed Raguna's hand with its nose. The monster couldn't understand his words, but he had learned to lead with his body language. Kross felt he was responding to Raguna with the same instinct. He lifted one hand even before Raguna touched him, and let the tip of the monster's trunk inspect his palm.

Raguna watched over both of them with a smile until his monster got bored with Kross and turned to him again. Raguna happily gave it attention, petting it and cooing kind words until it nuzzled him almost hard enough to knock him over and made him laugh again.

Feeling he was being allowed to witness something good and right with the world, Kross stepped back again. He clenched his hand where he had been gently touched by a curious monster. That touch alone was so rare and precious it verged on impossible.

Kross was glad to sit in the grass and watch the two of them. Edgar wallowed and pulled up water weeds while Raguna attempted to fish. Except then Raguna looked back and caught his eyes.

"Have you ever fished?"

"Once or twice."

"Would you like to try?" Raguna offered him the pole. "Although I don't think there are many fish around now."

"I've only fished with a net."

"Do you mean like pulling a net across a river?"

The river Kross knew from his childhood ran cold and fast, and if anyone had ever tried to fish it with a net he knew nothing about it. The boy who lived on the other side of the river had shared fish with him sometimes, but never offered to teach him.

"It was at a lake like this one. A man I knew a long time ago taught me to cast a net." It was a memory with a flavor like sun-heated metal. Memories of summer were rarely safe to hold.

"How do you do it?" Raguna was waiting with innocent curiosity, winding up his line as he looked to Kross for more.

Kross let out a long sigh. He dragged his hands in the thick grass and knotted it around his fingers. The world wasn't dry and dead. There was water here. He could smell it. His damp hair was cool against his face.

When he looked at Raguna he thought those blue eyes were so much more welcome than the hard summer sky. The sound of cicadas was very far away, somewhere in another life.

There was no net to teach with, but Kross could explain a little about throwing the weighted net so it would flare wide and sink. When they pulled it in again it drew closed to trap their catch.

That net had brought in finger-sized silver fish for them to toast over a weak fire and eat hot. He had said when he was a child those little fish would be bait for hand lines so they could bring in something really big, but at that time. . .

"There wasn't anything else to catch," Kross sighed. "We weren't able to fish together long."

The shallow lake had dried up into cracked mud and the little silver fish had disappeared. The heat had taken away all water and life, that summer.

"Was he a friend of yours? The man who taught you to fish."

It didn't fit to call himself 'friend' to the one who had tamed and guided him through that time, but perhaps there was no other word for it.

Small memories set off others. He remembered that familiar face with stunning clarity, that rough voice, the brash smile that made both of them brave, and eyes the blue of deep water.

"We had some things in common," he finally answered.

Raguna didn't push him for more answers, but came to sit in the grass beside him. Kross was able to enjoy his company, with his memories staying quiet under the peaceful moment he was living.

"I brought something for lunch," Raguna finally said.

He had brought grilled blackfish to share. (When he brought it out he laughed at his failure to catch any more fish that afternoon.) It was cool now, but no less delicious for it.

Edgar quickly perked up and left the water to inspect their lunch. Raguna folded his hand bracingly around Kross's and coaxed Kross to hold up a bite of their food for the hungry monster. He found Edgar needed no coaxing to accept it.

For a moment Kross felt overwhelmed, with a lump in his throat that made it difficult to tell Raguna it was delicious. He wanted to be honest in his intentions the way a monster was. He felt like this was the moment to say something, but he didn't know what.

It was a little bit after the sun peaked overhead that he finally brought himself to stand. He still wanted to keep his habit of visiting the quiet sanctuary of the church.

Raguna only smiled up at him and said, "I'm glad we could come together today."

"I am too," Kross agreed, and he didn't shy away from the warmth of Raguna's smile.

 **Summer 21**

Rosetta might have complained of a draft in her room when she lived here, but she had moved out and into her own place too quickly for anyone to mention it to him. Having Anette move into that old room seemed to have jogged Mist's memory, so that she came out to fetch him without knowing where, exactly, the problem was.

Kross started by inspecting the oldest patches he had put in place. To him they were glaring eyesores, obviously the work of hands unused to carpentry, but they had held fast for many years now.

"Stella said you used to live here too. Was this your room?"

Kross didn't know what he expected to find when he glanced back. Mist only gave him her usual daydreamer's smile. The thing that made him uncomfortable about Mist, he had realized, was that she was in no way being polite. She was _kind_. If she asked about someone's life it was because she genuinely wanted to know. He should be used to kindness by now. He had started his life here because Stella had taken him in, after all. It was just that the otherworldly feeling he got from Mist made it startling when she noticed him.

"Yes. I lived here until I could build my own house," Kross finally answered. "The carpenter who built the church and this house left a long time before I came here." He was grateful they had left a space for him to fill. He had even built extensions to the church, for the infirmary and Stella's living space, which had left this house vacant for the next person who needed it.

"That's funny. It's strange to imagine the village without Kross in it," Mist commented.

Kross was struck dumb as Mist wandered away and left him to his work. He could hear her humming to herself in the other room.

He wouldn't have expected the other villagers to think like that, even if he did have his role to fill. Being acknowledged by Mist wasn't just surprising. There was an unexpected joy lifting his heart. He had a niche to fill here.

He finally identified the problem, a place where the boards didn't fit together quite right. He had fallen asleep many nights thinking he would fix it, then in the morning found he had too much to do to work on some flaw that wasn't causing trouble yet.

There honestly wasn't much for Kross to do once he knew where the problem was. When he was done it was impossible to tell the flaw had existed at all.

 **Summer 23**

Raguna was watching his face as he looked back and forth between the possible blueprints for an alchemy lab extension. Kross tilted his chin down, hiding his expression behind his hair. Raguna was looking for a tell, trying to discover which one he personally wanted to build, and he couldn't allow that. What if Raguna hated those plans? Raguna had already picked his favorites for the other extensions, but what if he had picked those out the same way? Then his preference meant nothing.

Finally Raguna sighed, laying the plans down. "I don't know. I like all of them. Which one would you pick?"

"You should choose. It's your house. If you don't like them I can draw up more."

"I know, but I like them all. I like having your best work. I mean. . . you know these plans best. So I want to have the extensions you would choose for me."

Raguna was always like this, thinking more of him than he deserved. "You're the one living with them."

"That's why I want to have the one you would choose. I think whatever you choose for me would be best. After all, you're always thinking of the people who will live in the place you're building. Even with the barn you built, I can tell how much you wanted the monsters to be happy there. I'd like you to build something like that for me. Is that selfish?"

It must be selfish. The sentiment was so selfish Kross had no recourse but to pick his best plan out of the pile for Raguna to consider. It was selfish the way Raguna smiled at him and agreed immediately to what Kross wanted to build.

Kross thought he must be even more selfish. He was so happy to build the extension into Raguna's house. He was happy to go to sleep knowing that there was another scrap of himself, his plans and the work of his own hands, built into the place where Raguna lived.

 **Summer 25** (Ganesha Cup Boat Race)

Raguna must be looking forward to the boat race. Kross couldn't have said how he could tell, since every holiday that he visited Raguna's farm saw him running back and forth, so full of energy that the air around him practically hummed. He had mentioned his interest in competing yesterday, of course.

"Oh, Kross!" He greeted happily. "I'm almost ready to go! Do you want to come too?"

Kross shook his head slowly. He didn't join in these kinds of things. He preferred to stay out of the way, on his own little patch of land. "This year's boat race will be exciting," he sighed to himself.

"Really?" Raguna looked up at him with curious eyes that Kross would have once turned away from. Now he answered them with a wistful fraction of a smile.

"Heh. . . You're the reason why." This was the first time Kross had been interested in the outcome of the race. Every year since Ganesha had started holding it Erik had won easily, often bringing in double the second place score. This year he was in a more competitive mood than ever, making it clear that he was determined to win no matter what.

But Raguna was a wild card, young and strong and almost as competitive as Erik, and with something special to him besides. Kross wanted to see how this would play out.

"Oh. . . okay! I'll do my best to make a strong showing, then!" Raguna promised, before heading off at his usual eager trot.

Kross did want to see, enough that he followed a moment after Raguna. He avoided the rest of the townsfolk gathered at the lake's edge, but stood on the other side of the bridge to watch Raguna's masterful run.

He didn't need to attend the awards ceremony to know who had won, so he made his way back to Raguna's farm out of sheer habit. This was where he spent his holiday mornings, even if Raguna was too busy accepting prizes and praise to be here tending his fields.

While he watched, Raguna's Ant came out of the barn and scuttled across the field to begin harvesting crops. It didn't even seem to notice him standing there. Nothing else in the world might have existed around it. Kross understood, and at the same time he felt jealousy clawing out a little hole in his chest. This Ant had been tamed by Raguna's care. Raguna had asked it to harvest so harvest it would, rain or shine.

As he was watching, Raguna came trotting down the road from the business center. "Oh, you're still here. Guess what? I actually-"

"Congratulations," Kross interrupted. He suddenly didn't want to look around at Raguna. "Who will you give your prize to?" One of the girls in town, surely, though Kross didn't know which one Raguna had his eye on. He'd seen Raguna going to visit Bianca and Tabatha in the huge mansion across from his house to make them feel more welcome, and walking back from the lake in quiet companionship with Cinnamon, and. . . Kross didn't even know about what went on away from his house, with all of the others.

"If you'd like, you can give it to me. . ." Kross heard the words slip out before he'd even realized he intended to say them. No, how could he have ever intended to say them? "I mean, nothing. . ." he sighed. How foolish could he be? Even Raguna wasn't so kind as to offer a gift like that.

"Oh, if you'd like it, you can have it," Raguna answered, to his surprise. "Here you go!"

Kross accepted it without thinking, and stared down at the band holding two perfectly pointed ears. Cat's ears. Not quite as good as a cat tail, but almost close enough, and Raguna had given it to him. "Thank you. . . I will gladly accept it," Kross whispered. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes in the bright light of Raguna's smile, even as he felt his own mouth soften into a smile to answer Raguna's kindness.

"Would you have wanted to be my partner, Kross?" Raguna asked him suddenly as he considered trying the cat ears on right there. "I would have asked you, but I didn't realize that we were supposed to have partners! Turner really kicked up a fuss about me not having one, even though no one else had one, either."

Kross didn't want to tell him. He considered not saying anything as he watched Annie harvest the last of the day's crops and go to Raguna for a few kind words and a pat before scuttling back up to the barn. Raguna might be kind to him, but he wasn't even Raguna's monster. He wasn't Raguna's anything. There was no reason not to tell him.

"You're supposed to have a girl you're dating for your partner," Kross explained.

"Really? Then I guess the two of us couldn't be partners after all. Since we're not. . ." Raguna looked away, fidgeting. "Sorry for misunderstanding. I haven't offended you, have I?"

"No." How could he possibly be offended by Raguna's offer? If it were possible, he would have accepted being Raguna's partner.

 **Summer 26**

Erik was a good neighbor in every way Kross could think of. He was friendly without being too nosey and trying to dig into Kross's life. He was hardworking, competent, and sold the most excellent seeds. When Kross had first come to live in Trampoli Erik had even gone out of his way to offer him not only advice, but a few seeds to start with. Without Erik, he probably would have starved before he learned to grow anything but weeds. Now Erik's first recommendations were the same crops Kross grew every year without fail. If he had to be tied to other people by buying his seeds from someone, Kross could live with buying them from Erik.

Of course, Erik was definitely not perfect. If Kross had to point to one fatal flaw, it would have to be his competitiveness. That was the real reason behind the soft groan and thump he heard that morning just before noon, carried to him on a weak puff of summer breeze. He investigated and found Erik had collapsed in his own fields.

Kross ignored Erik's complaints that it was just a little cold and lifted the farmer in an undignified bundle. He still owed Erik for a lot since he had come to Trampoli, and expanding his house didn't come close enough to repaying that debt for Kross's stubborn scraps of pride.

"See," Erik complained as they passed though Raguna's homestead, "He's not laying around." It was true. Raguna had already finished tending his fields for the day, leaving them tidy and watered before running off on whatever adventure had captured his attention.

Did Erik realize how transparent he was? Raguna had finally beaten him at something, and awakened a fierce pride that Erik couldn't ignore. It wasn't hard to guess when Kross had seen how it happened. Erik had been in such a rush to compete with Raguna's score during the boat race that he had fallen in. Thanks to that he had run out of time with his score far short of even third place. Erik wasn't used to having competition, and even less used to looking like a fool. So he immediately turned his energies to trying to outshine his supposed rival at the one thing he knew best, farming, and quickly overworked himself until he collapsed.

"He doesn't have a cold," Kross pointed out, but he couldn't keep from holding a secret smile to himself. Raguna's fields really were tended beautifully. Erik should be even more proud of that than Kross was. He had been the one dispensing advice and mentoring Raguna at every opportunity, after all.

Erik was silent for a few sulky seconds, and then, "You're smiling. Oh God, put me down before the sky falls because _Kross is smiling_."

Kross wondered if Erik realized he might be the only one alive, other than Stella, who could get away with that kind of teasing without wiping the smile right off of Kross's face for the next year. How long had it been since he'd last smiled? A season or two. . . ? No, he suddenly realized, it was only yesterday. Raguna had made him smile yesterday. Raguna was always trying to tempt smiles out of him.

"Well, at least you're happy to see our new neighbor thriving," Erik decided. It put him in a better mood about Raguna's success, at least until they reached the church and he was distracted by something else. "Look, don't take me into the infirmary like this. I'll give you some money for cold medicine or something, just leave me outside."

Kross had never been as good a neighbor as Erik. He carried Erik into the infirmary under Lara's worried gaze.

"What happened? Oh, dear. Lie down and rest a minute and I'll get you some medicine!" The young sister stood up so suddenly she knocked several medicines off of the shelves and had to gather them up in a rush.

Erik tried to glare at him while Lara's back was turned, but he wasn't able to sustain his anger when she moved to check on him.

"I told everyone to be careful and not fall in during the boat race, didn't I?" Lara scolded. She lifted one hand to Erik's forehead to feel for fever and paused for a moment with her face as pink as his. She didn't have the excuse of fever to blame it on.

Kross knew well enough to step out of the infirmary and let the pair recover on their own. Hopefully Erik would figure out that he didn't need to compete with Raguna so much.

Of course, if Raguna knew Erik had collapsed he would be terribly upset. He had taken to bringing Kross something cool to drink and reminding him not to overwork himself not just when he asked for an extension, but on any particularly hot day. Kross didn't think Erik's competitive streak could stand up to Raguna worrying about him like that.

 **Summer 28**

Since the boat race Raguna had taken to hurrying up the mountain path and into the lava ruins early in the morning, not returning until well after Kross had retired from his work for the day. Kross would have let him in if he stopped to knock, but now he was too busy even for that.

It didn't make sense to feel alone without Raguna's visits. As long as Kross chose to live this way, he wouldn't be able to avoid being tied to other people. He still depended on Erik for seeds, after all. As the afternoon heat eased and he finished his work for the day it seemed like the proper time to tend to that chore so he would be ready for the coming autumn.

Today Erik wasn't alone tending to his shop. Lute was leaning against the counter with a disassembled seed maker spread between them, discussing replacement parts. Kross hesitated in the doorway, trying to be invisible until they had finished.

"Hey, neighbor." Erik's cold and the accompanying petulance both seemed to have been effectively cured by a stay in Lara's infirmary. He didn't allow Kross to lurk, leaving his conversation with Lute to fetch seeds from the shelves. "Same order as last year?"

Kross approached the counter. "Yes."

His subdued response didn't deter Erik in the slightest. "The seed yams will only need to cure for another day or so. Plant each one in a mound about two hands tall and three times that across, then as far as watering. . ."

Kross nodded silently in acknowledgment. Erik's advice was often vague, changing with growth patterns and weather, yet when pressed he always seemed to have an explicit answer. When Kross had questioned his measurement system he had clarified it as 'the width of _your_ hand, held flat, including your thumb,' as if the advice was precisely tailored for Kross.

By now Kross had a general idea of what Erik was going to tell him about the coming autumn. This was part of living in Trampoli, another step in the schedule of the seasons. It was familiar, at least until something extra slipped into the stream of advice.

"And remind Raguna when you see him, the season is almost over. He needs to pick up his seeds."

"Worrying about your protégé?" Lute asked, long before Kross had any idea how to respond. It was a small reprieve as he diverted Erik's attention. "I'm glad you're looking after him. He's nice."

"You like anyone who gives you chocolate."

While Lute was laughing at that, Kross managed to respond, "I doubt I'll be able to tell him." He probably wouldn't even see Raguna until the next holiday, if then.

"He stops to talk to you every day, doesn't he? Just remind him."

Kross didn't know how they had gotten the idea that Raguna was so close to him, but he couldn't seem to convince them otherwise. As he left, carrying his necessary seeds but more weighed down with confused thoughts, Lute called after him to take good care of Raguna. Kross could have sworn he meant it.

 **Summer 29**

It was late afternoon and a cool breeze was sweeping down from the mountain when Kross lifted his head at a trudging, unfamiliar gait approaching from the mountain path. He expected to see a stranger, perhaps someone seeking Turner's inn. Instead he found Raguna standing in the road, momentarily doubled over to pant for breath. Scorch marks decorated his leather gloves and tunic. A raised welt ran down the exposed skin of one arm. The dirt smeared across his forehead and cheek was mixed with blood.

Kross moved faster than he could think, rushing to Raguna's side and catching him by the shoulders when he startled and stumbled.

"Kross?" In spite of his wounds, a smile flitted easily across Raguna's face. "I did it, and look what I found!"

Raguna might think the stone tablet he had recovered was worth days hunting through the Lava Ruins, but Kross was more concerned with the blood still oozing from a wound the cut across his forehead. Raguna's battles deep in the ruins had left their marks, and that was all Kross could focus on.

"I should talk to Stella. She might know what this is. I'm sure it's important for something."

Raguna straightened himself up again, but Kross wasn't going to let him walk away still bleeding. "I warned you to be careful, and now you're injured anyway."

"I'm not injured. I'll be fine."

The excuse was so clumsy Kross couldn't even call it a lie. The sight of Raguna's injuries didn't knock him off balance the same way it had when he was already sick from the heat, but the wrongness of it still chewed on his nerves.

"Let me help you." That was what Raguna had said to him before, and he was relieved to find Raguna was willing to listen to the request.

When he pulled Raguna's arm over his shoulders he didn't even get a token protest. Raguna leaned his weight into Kross and allowed himself to be supported into Kross's house.

Caring for Raguna took all of his attention. He bandaged the wound on Raguna's head after a careful inspection. He washed minor cuts and burns with energy potion to numb them and speed the healing process. He even went so far as to feed Raguna. A few days ago he had cut the sunflowers he grew in front of his house and hung them to dry, just in time to have seeds ready to offer Raguna. (Raguna was delighted by this, not only regaining his stamina but perking up happily at what was apparently a brand new treat for him. Any other time Kross would have basked in that happiness.)

Raguna thanked him, offering the words again and again in response to each small effort, yet he wouldn't stay in Kross's care. He wouldn't even let Kross run his errands once Kross reminded him that it was nearly the end of the season. He would have fetched the seeds Raguna needed from Eric, even if it meant reenforcing that mistaken impression that he was connected with Raguna.

The need to care for Raguna was unfamiliar and yet came to him naturally. He wanted to return the favor for the times Raguna had looked after him. More importantly, he found he needed to see Raguna safe and well.

That didn't explain why he couldn't stop his hands from shaking once Raguna had left him. He kept feeling Raguna's hair between his fingers, stiff and sticky with drying blood. He knew the next time he saw Raguna the blood would be washed away. He knew, and yet he didn't think he would be able to rest until he saw it for himself.

 **Summer 30** (Pumpkin Festival)

"Kross, aren't you joining in the pumpkin festival?"

The vision that confronted Kross was one he had never thought to see. A pumpkin-headed monster in his fields, when monsters were too afraid to come near him.

Kross had to draw in a sharp breath, not knowing what to say. What could he possibly say? Raguna was here pretending to be a monster. He felt his cheeks heating in a blush of confused pleasure. "D-do you want to build e-extensions?" he mumbled, because what other skills did he have to offer?

Raguna removed the pumpkin head. "It's just me! I didn't scare you, did I?"

No, he could never be scared by something like that, but it was certainly something he'd never dreamed.

"No. It looks good on you. . ." Kross whispered.

Raguna made a face at him. "I guess I should take that as a compliment? Even if you think I look better with a mask."

It didn't matter if his face was covered or not. It didn't matter that Raguna wasn't really a monster. He was here, whole and safe, and that was the most important thing. Kross might have explained, but he doubted either of them could hear over the sound of his pounding heart.


	3. Autumn - Season of Memory

Autumn comes, Brodik appears, and Kross finally realizes just how badly he's falling for Raguna. (Me while writing summary: It takes them 30,000 words to kiss. That counts as slow build, right?)

Spoiler warning here that this will eventually cover all of Kross and Brodik's storyline.

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and I hope you enjoy the new chapter! I should have the last 2 chapters up before the end of April!

* * *

 **Autumn - Season of Memory**

 **Autumn 1**

Kross woke earlier than usual on the first day of Autumn to a commotion outside of his home. He couldn't make out words, but he placed Raguna's mild voice easily. The louder voice was unfamiliar, but since Raguna did not sound alarmed Kross allowed himself to take that as a good sign.

When Kross left his house he was immediately accosted by a rough stranger.

"I was told you're the only carpenter in town. I want you to build me a house as soon as possible."

Kross recognized the voice that had shouted at Raguna earlier, but his brain was busy scrambling with other details. He knew the shape of that tattoo. It was the mark adopted by a select few special agents of the Zzyzx empire. He had seen it on sword hilts and armor, and once blazoned blood-red on a banner, but never inked into skin.

"Are you listening?"

"I have a previous engagement." Kross pulled away from himself, leaving his body to speak for him.

"I'm only staying here long enough to deal with some business. Even a small shack is enough, and I don't care about the cost. Right over there is fine," he went on, pointing down the hill to an open patch of land across from Erik's farm.

"The inn is up that road." The words were thick and heavy in Kross's mouth, but he had used them before on strangers and had them go away.

"No, I need my own space to work. I'm looking for someone in the area."

'Looking for someone,' buzzed in Kross's ears, trying to get at him. There was only one reason to send a monster hunter this far out into the frontier. For those who kept the peace by dealing with rampaging monsters, there was only one thing worth hunting here.

He didn't want to cooperate. He wanted to be away. If he hadn't been guilty to his bones, Kross might have answered that he was late to see his neighbor, that his unspoken engagement with Raguna was worth more to him than any threat or bribery. But he was guilty, so guilty that it would show through the thin shield of his hair if he stood there long enough.

Kross wished he knew how to build something poorly, how to fit the walls together so that wind could whip in through the cracks, how to set a roof primed to come down at the first moaning of a storm. He didn't. Even the low shack came together neat and sturdy as if that was what Kross was striving for.

Then he was somehow free to make his way to Raguna's farm.

Raguna asked if he had met the newcomer to the village. Apparently his name was Brodik. If he had introduced himself Kross's brain had been hanging on to that symbol too tightly to find the individual behind it.

"He said he was looking for someone named 'Weber.' Was there ever someone in the village with that name?" Raguna asked.

He had known that was the only possible answer, and yet the name was like the final breath to seal a curse.

Kross hardly knew what he said when he answered Raguna's offers for conversation. All he had left were words he had said somewhere before. No one wanted to grow dead grass, words for the end of a season, not the beginning. He had curled himself up in a quiet place inside his head and he didn't want to leave, not for any number of kind words.

 **Autumn 2**

Once again the first thing Kross heard in the morning was Brodik's raised voice and Raguna's calm one outside his house. He wondered if the same day would repeat until Brodik finally saw through his thin disguise.

After a moment of quiet while Kross strained his ears, there was a knock on his door that he recognized as belonging to Raguna. He opened it just a crack, enough to be sure of the smiling face that greeted him.

"Good morning, Kross! I hope it's not too early for me to visit."

"It's fine." Kross's voice was hoarse from unspoken stress. He hoped that would pass without comment as he let Raguna inside.

"How are you? I was worried you didn't feel very well yesterday, so I wanted to check on you."

"I'm fine," Kross answered. He felt faintly stunned by Raguna's concern, even now.

"I'm glad. Of course, you can still have the breakfast I brought for you, if you like it."

Kross surprised himself by finding a smile to answer Raguna's beaming face. He cleared space on the table for them to eat together.

"I'm excited to start cooking with some Autumn ingredients. The mushrooms are from my field. Well, I guess I don't get to brag about that!"

Raguna served him sweet rice, still hot. Kross could at least offer the praise that it tasted good. He didn't have words to explain the comfort he found in the food.

While they ate Raguna shared his hopes for the new season. The wind already brought a comfortable cool after summer's heat. There would be new crops, new festivals, even new constellations he hoped to see. Kross found he loved seeing the familiar season appear so fresh and new in Raguna's eyes.

"Oh, Kross? I noticed Brodik is living right next door to you now. If you were thinking of giving him something to welcome him, it seemed to annoy him when I gave him food. He said he was going to give it to someone else."

Kross just sighed. Raguna didn't seem to realize it wouldn't have occurred to him to offer gifts unless a neighbor was obviously having difficulty. Even then he didn't want to encourage Brodik to stay.

Raguna laughed in response. "If you built his house, that's a much better welcome! I feel like every time I've talked to him so far there's been a misunderstanding. The first time he even thought I was someone else. I don't want him to feel unwelcome because of me."

Kross stopped eating. He felt momentarily paralyzed between a flash of horrible premonition and how utterly unconcerned Raguna seemed. What if Brodik somehow settled on Raguna as the one he was seeking?

"Is Brodik troubling you?" he asked carefully. The only encounters he knew of between the two of them had resulted in shouting on Brodik's side.

"No. I think we got off to a bad start, but I'm sure it will work out."

Kross allowed himself to believe that. There was no reason for anyone to wish any ill against Raguna, after all. There was no way to mistake Raguna for the man Brodik was looking for. One look at Raguna's face should be enough to know that.

Dread still found a small space to crawl in under his heart. Kross had never had the gift of foresight. He hoped that would be true now as well, and his premonition would come to nothing.

 **Autumn 4**

For most of the morning, Brodik had been wandering the south district. When Kross finally moved from the back of his field to tend the front, Brodik seized the opportunity to accost him over the fence.

"Tell me about your neighbor."

Kross kept his head down, focusing on extricating a few stubborn weeds without damaging the new roots of the yam they was trying to grow on top of. He'd forced himself to think about this the last few nights. He didn't want to incite a confrontation if Brodik somehow didn't guess who he was. He didn't want to resort to violence, and goading Brodik into a fight would cause trouble for the whole village.

"If you want to buy seeds he should be available now."

There was a beat of silence before Brodik caught on to his meaning. "Not that one. I'm asking about Weber."

Kross was ready. He didn't flinch at the name. He didn't leave himself open to attack. He only directed a mental prayer towards Stella protesting that he was not lying when he said, "I don't have a neighbor who goes by that name."

"Tell me about the young man who calls himself Raguna. He cornered me in front of your house the other day saying he wanted to welcome me," Brodik finally clarified.

"He's very kind." Kross had spent hours thinking about what he should say and he still didn't know. It seemed so obvious to him that Raguna could not possibly be anyone Brodik could have come hunting.

"How long has he lived here, anyway?"

That was something half the village could tell him. Kross couldn't lie when he knew Raguna would answer the question honestly.

"He came here earlier this year, on the second day of Spring. Everything thawed then." It had been warm. Kross sighed, surprised at how warm and pleasant he remembered the spring sun being. He quickly added, "I believe he came from a place called Kardia." Or at least he had lived there alongside Mist for a short time. Kross had asked her about it, to save himself from having to say certain things.

"I heard he claims to have lost his memory."

Kross couldn't answer. He had hoped Bodik wouldn't find that out, even if Raguna himself would never think to hide it. His brain was a frantic mess even as he extracted long taproots from the soil with steady hands. At least he didn't have to pretend he needed to focus on the task at hand. If he left even a fragment of root in the ground he would be back digging up the exact same weeds in a few days.

Brodik leaned on Kross's fence, staring towards Raguna's homestead in silence for far too long before he asked, "Doesn't that bother you? I mean, he could be anybody."

Kross's heart froze in an instant. Every promise that such a mistake couldn't possibly happen shattered all at once.

"Doesn't it bother you having to do that by hand when someone else has monsters doing their work?"

"He works hard to care for those monsters. He's a patient and kind young man to raise them so well."

'He's nothing like I was back then,' Kross wanted to say. 'If you know anything about Weber you will know Raguna is nothing like him.'

"It sounds like you're fond of him."

Kross finally lifted his head, but Brodik was looking away towards Raguna's farm again. Of course he was fond of Raguna. Everyone was fond of Raguna.

"That's unacceptable," Brodik growled under his breath as he pushed off the fence and walked away. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be heard, because he called a more normal goodbye back to Kross.

For a moment Kross let himself think that no matter how much guilt he carried, no one had a right to pass judgement on that fondness except Raguna himself. It was a precious feeling to Kross, one rooted too deep in his heart to get rid of now.

As he cleared the other patches of weeds out of his field Kross had time to wonder: if Raguna knew his identity, would he show the same kindness to Kross that he did now?

More important than those painful daydreams was the fear he couldn't separate himself from. It seemed Brodik was determined to make a mistake about Raguna's identity. Kross would have to watch him carefully. He could not allow harm to come to Raguna.

 **Autumn 7**

A rainy holiday meant he couldn't spend his morning at Raguna's farm. Even under the calming rush of rain, Kross felt the loss in not seeing him.

He knew it wasn't impossible that Raguna would visit, but a sort of melancholy had come over him. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with himself, but found he wanted to go somewhere. With no better destination in mind, he found himself heading for the bath house.

Kross was in the habit of washing himself at home where it was private and the water was cool. He hadn't been to the bathhouse since the day he built it. Melody didn't seem to mind his long absence. She welcomed him cheerfully.

There was no one else in the changing room, and Kross was grateful. He felt awkward just being there, but at least he was alone. Then he stepped into the bath and found Raguna already there, and he almost turned around and left.

"Kross!" Raguna greeted him happily, and he actually backed up by a step. "Oh, sorry. Um. . . There are thinner towels over there for modesty, if you want one."

Kross hesitated. He wasn't sure he was comfortable showing any of his skin to Raguna. The old scars on his body were a part of him he suddenly didn't want Raguna to notice. He could suddenly feel the ragged scar that stretched across his stomach pulling at his skin.

It was too late to hide himself. Raguna had politely averted his eyes, but he had already seen the marks Kross would have preferred to keep hidden. Covering them or running away now wouldn't erase that fact.

He had wanted to see Raguna. After a moment of indecision, Kross silently joined Raguna in the bath. He wondered if it would be better to say something rather than waiting in dread for questions. The wounds hadn't been that serious (most of them), but magic had gotten into them and chewed them open so they didn't heal right.

Instead of asking any of the obvious questions, Raguna looked at his face and surprised him with something else. "I'm glad I get to see you here today, Kross."

It should have been the same sentiment as any day, but the situation felt different. Kross sank down and put his face under the water. A moment later he felt a light touch and the top of his head and lifted his face again.

"Don't forget to breathe," Raguna teased gently. "Do you mind if I stay here with you for a little while?"

That seemed like enough of a reason for Kross to make himself as comfortable as he could and stay for a little while himself.

He was aware of Raguna looking over at him and then quickly looking away again, though the red in his cheeks must have been from the heat. Curious, Kross returned the glance. Raguna's skin was marked with traces of newly-healed wounds but not marred by permanent scars.

"It's nice to come on a rainy day, isn't it? It's so warm, and the sound of the rain is soothing."

Kross let out a soft sigh, turning his eyes away from Raguna and down at the tile lining the bath. It had been his first time laying tile like that, neater and more delicate than building with stone, and he had enjoyed the experience.

"I don't like hot baths." His head was starting to ache already.

"Don't let Melody hear you say that," Raguna laughed. "That must be why I never see you here. Did you come when it first opened?"

"No. A long time ago I was taken to steam baths. The steam makes me feel like I can't breathe," Kross confessed.

"You don't have to stay if you don't like it," Raguna reassured him. "Is it better with water and not just steam? I always thought hot water was good to relax your muscles after a long day."

"For me, the cool rain does more to relax my mind." The hot water was a little better than he remembered. It might be that he was distracted by the company.

He was making sure not to stare at Raguna and make him uncomfortable, but when Raguna went a while without speaking he looked over and found Raguna was in much worse shape than he was.

Raguna's face was red, his eyes glazed, breath coming in soft pants. He needed to get out of the heat and steam, Kross realized, too late. Raguna's legs buckled and he fell to his knees. "I can't. . ." his voice came out as a gasp before he hit the water with a splash.

Kross fished him out immediately. He needed to hold himself steady with Raguna in his arms, but he couldn't. He nearly dropped Raguna before he had him out in the cool air of the changing room. Had he caused this by distracting Raguna and making him stay in the bath longer?

Even as Raguna stirred and gave him a sheepish smile, he could only seem to cradle Raguna in his arms. He thought he should lay Raguna down somewhere to recover, but his body wasn't obeying.

Melody hurried in before he could figure out what to do.

"I thought it was you again. I keep telling you not to stay in so long," she scolded Raguna. Then she looked past him and exclaimed, "Kross, you're all red!"

Kross flinched. He automatically tried to fold himself up smaller, to hide himself behind Raguna.

"Help him get dried off and I'll get both of you something to drink."

Luckily Raguna was already recovering enough to towel himself off. He did lean on Kross, but didn't ask him to take any liberties. When he was steady enough to stand on his own and change back into his clothes Kross immediately imitated him, ready to escape the bathhouse altogether.

Raguna stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. His face was still flushed from the heat, but on him it mimicked a little glow of exertion, not like Kross's skin printed with red vivid enough to show the water line.

"Kross, your hair is still soaked. Let me grab a fresh towel for you."

Too weak to refuse, Kross found himself sitting on the wooden bench in the changing area while Raguna stood over him, toweling his hair. The feeling of hands rubbing his scalp through the thick towel was more relaxing than anything he could remember. Kross let his eyes fall almost closed. He wanted to purr. He couldn't find a more eloquent way to express his pleasure.

"You need to take care of yourself after a bath too." Melody stepped back into the room, carrying two glasses of water. Raguna turned to thank her, and Kross couldn't help feeling disappointed at losing the touch of Raguna's hands. Melody took his sigh another way. "Sorry you had to cut your bath short, but I'm glad I don't have to pull Raguna out myself this time! Don't take so long to come back again."

A very small part of Kross wanted more time with Raguna, but his head was aching and his skin was still sensitive from the heat. "I don't like the steam," he informed the floor. Any disappointed faces were hidden by the towel.

"You should have said something earlier! Just come back when it's not raining and you can use the outdoor bath. I thought it was something like that."

Surprised by that last comment, Kross lifted his head to find Melody smiling at him. "Everyone has their perfect bath temperature, so you must like it when it's not too hot, right?"

Kross gave a slow nod. He hadn't expected that to be an acceptable preference, but apparently at her bathhouse it was.

 **Autumn 8**

Kross knew the schedules of a few of the villagers. At least he knew when they went to visit Erik or passed him on their way to the lake, and what little he saw while working on his roof. He knew Rosetta went to check Raguna's shipping box every afternoon, but it wasn't normal for her to still be there after six. Raguna didn't seem to be there to distract her from her work, either.

After Brodik's sudden arrival disrupted the new season, Kross had become extremely sensitive to changes in any familiar routine. This was far enough from usual for him to investigate.

Once he crossed the bridge into Raguna's homestead the problem became obvious. Raguna's shipping bin was filled with rocks, and Rosetta was struggling to get them out again.

His suspicions immediately centered on Brodik. It was true that Brodik had done no worse than be rude to Raguna as far as he could see, but who else had shown even a hint of animosity towards Raguna?

He hadn't moved to confront Brodik himself. Kross thought the least he could do would be to try to do damage control for Raguna.

"Hi." Kross wasn't sure what to say, exactly, but he thought he should at least greet Rosetta before trying to work beside her.

Rocks the size of Woolys filled the shipping box. Rosetta had already cleared most of the smaller ones used to fill the gaps between them, leaving them in a pile beside the box. Kross reached for one of the larger rocks.

"Good afternoon. You didn't come over here just to clean out Raguna's shipping box, did you?"

Kross set the rock down on the grass, trying to decide if she thought he was doing something wrong. He sighed. "Raguna wouldn't be happy with this." Not the mess, and definitely not knowing Rosetta had been left to clean it up alone.

"Well, if you want to help I'm not going to stop you!"

Kross felt a definite relief hearing that, but still kept his head down.

Between the two of them they made quick progress. Kross had to climb inside the box itself to get the largest rocks out. Some were awkward to grab in the narrow space. He lifted the first one and then looked at Rosetta's outstretched hands with concern. She was only human and he certainly didn't know her strength.

"It's fine. I have to handle everything people decide to ship out every day, after all."

Kross handed the rock over and Rosetta heaved it to one side, hard enough that it rolled until it landed in the stream. She watched it come to rest with an air of self-satisfaction that made Kross proud of her human strength as well.

"I can't believe Raguna would fill his shipping box with rocks of all things. I don't know what he was thinking."

"He wouldn't. Someone else. . ." Kross trailed off. He wanted to defend Raguna, but would naming who he thought of as the obvious culprit get Raguna in more trouble? He couldn't say he had seen it happen. He had never been good at village politics.

"Who else would do it? Honestly. Everyone likes Raguna, and anyway if someone wanted to bully him they'd put the rocks in his fields, not somewhere for me to deal with."

Kross was silent, but there was a bad feeling creeping through him as he kept working. Raguna worked so hard in his fields. He hated the thought of that as the next step. He was going to move the rocks far away when they were done. No reason to make anything easier for Brodik.

"I know Raguna always means well but he can do the silliest things sometimes." Rosetta paused to guide another rock into their growing pile, then added, "Don't worry. I'm not _that_ mad at him."

Kross looked up and found Rosetta giving him that same satisfied smile. "Oh, were you worried?"

He didn't know how to answer that.

"You're a surprisingly considerate person, Kross. I'm going to tell Raguna he owes you one."

"Please don't."

Kross ducked his head down to focus on dealing with the last rock. It dominated the box, larger than Rosetta and probably weighing three times as much. He could handle the weight but the size made it difficult to get a grip in the small space.

He had no idea how Brodik had gotten it in the box in the first place. He hadn't seen any hints so far that the other man possessed more than human strength, but he couldn't overlook this new potential danger.

At the bottom, crammed up in one corner, were the few goods Raguna had actually placed in the box. There was no produce today, but a small collection of things he had made himself: a pair of silver bracelets, a knit scarf, and a hat with a jaunty bird feather. Kross picked up the pile with great care and passed everything to Rosetta.

"At least I have something to take back now. Thank you. You've been a big help."

Kross climbed out of the shipping box as Rosetta was turning to start back.

"By the way, you should come by Materia sometime. Don't be such a stranger."

". . . Thanks." Kross wasn't sure she heard him.

He turned his attention to moving the rocks well away from Raguna's fields, where they wouldn't be easily collected for some new bit of mischief. He wanted to focus on that, on some small penance to make up for this happening at all.

Even focusing on Raguna, Kross's mind kept cycling back to Rosetta until he understood why her words stuck in his head. It was her treating him like he was a natural part of the village. He had been apprehensive that he would be overstepping some boundary by offering help, but now that was gone.

It felt off to be given the suggestion that he belonged here at a time like this, and yet Kross held the small comment close to his heart.

 **Autumn 10**

Whenever it rained in Trampoli it was always a good, soaking rain that lasted through the day. Kross already anticipated how the sound of it washing over the roof would welcome him into dreamless sleep. From the first day he arrived in Trampoli the rain had given him a feeling of peace.

Back then it was a struggle to grow anything. Erik had been grim surveying his field in the mornings. They used expensive formulas when they could get them, trying to get a harvest before the crops withered and died in the fields. The land was near barren without spirits, they were told, and all they could do was keep tending it and hope it would revive.

Year by year Kross learned how to farm. Year by year he saw the changes as spirits slowly returned to the land. Now, Runeys appeared in every part of the village and Kross could coax a healthy harvest from his fields each season. In the last season there had been such an increase in Runeys that crops had started growing faster than even Erik had ever seen.

Kross paused outside his front door to watch the colored lights, eerie in the rain. The land had revived around him and sometimes he felt it had revived him as well.

On his way to the church he saw Brodik loitering near Raguna's home in spite of the weather, and even under the sound of the rain, a sense of foreboding settled once again in Kross's heart.

From the moment he found a name to give Stella, Kross had decided to settle and build his life here. He still carried who he had been and what he had done, but he considered the bond to his past severed. He would never go back to that life. He had actually let himself believe his past wouldn't come looking for him after all this time.

If only the Empire had forgotten how difficult it was to kill things like him. Any man should have been dead ten times over before reaching this new land and starting a new life. Kross couldn't lay himself to rest so easily. He was still struggling to be reborn even once.

Stella greeted him and spoke a few words of prayer for her audience of one. Her presence lent a sense of peace to the atmosphere of the church.

Kross was left to meditate on her words, on the sound of rain, on himself. He got stuck on the last one. He knew the person he had decided to be. He had believed in the foundation he had built himself on. Why did he feel so wrong simply knowing that someone thought Weber was still alive to find?

Why now? The summer was over. The threat of heat sickness had passed for another year. Why this reminder?

"What if I said I was a monster?" Kross asked, of himself or Stella or the rain, he wasn't sure.

"Hm." Stella gave him a long look, appraising but not unkind. "I seem to remember Raguna having several monsters on his farm. All of them are quite well behaved, even if they don't seem to like the church."

"It's the acoustics," Kross mumbled. It took him a few seasons to get used to it himself. Echoes met each other across the space of the vaulted ceiling like no other place he knew. Innocent sounds touched the back of his neck and made him jump. It was always easier to be here with the rain to dull them.

Stella must have been waiting for more, but he realized too late and the silence settled on him too thick to shake off.

"I am prepared to accept you as a monster, Kross," Stella finally said.

"Not that kind of monster. If only I could become like that." The closest Kross had come was to be a monster in name, a frightening and unstoppable thing. He wasn't the sort of monster that knew itself and lived on instinct, so he wasn't the sort of monster that could be tamed.

"Do you want to become like a monster, Kross?" Stella asked. She was sharp enough to hear his agreement in the silence. "Then think about the qualities of monsters that you believe are missing in your own life. Find the qualities that you wish to emulate. We are meant to grow in many directions. Even if you cannot become a monster, you can always grow as a person."

Was he a person? Sometimes he didn't feel human enough to live with humans. "Humans don't live through things like that." He'd said that to himself so many times he wasn't sure if he said it out loud or not. It was easier to think of himself as something removed, not fully human anymore. He could make better sense of himself that way.

"Humans are resilient," Stella said. Maybe she was answering his words or maybe she had sensed them, or maybe this had always been part of the sermon for today. "We all have the capacity to grow and change, and it is our responsibility to use that to better ourselves. Kross, be thankful you have an idea of what you want to become. You have a path. Even if following it becomes difficult, you have started to see the person you want to become. You are not alone. We all must find ways to grow."

'We,' Stella said, lending him a fragment of her sturdy self. Kross wasn't sure he felt that much more human, but he felt more part of the world she inhabited. He was recognized as part of Trampoli still, and that was one step to ground him once again in the life he had built.

 **Autumn 11**

If Raguna was under any strain thanks to his new neighbor he was doing a very good job of hiding it. He greeted Kross as cheerfully as ever, as if their lives in Trampoli were continuing uninterrupted.

Along with offering his company, Raguna brought chestnut buns to share. Kross realized he could tell by the tone of Raguna's excitement that this must be a brand new recipe, and made sure to praise it properly. It was a little surprising just how happy Raguna was to be told that he enjoyed it. Kross ended up with an extra bun pressed into his hands, which was not unwelcome.

"I keep meaning to ask, Kross, when is your birthday? I'll bring you something, if that's okay."

It didn't matter anymore when his birthday was. Every day was meant to be the same. It was a mystery to him why Raguna would even want to know. "I don't have a birthday because I don't remember it," he finally answered.

"I didn't think you knew how to joke, Kross," Raguna teased, but his expression was still hopeful.

"What day did you come here?" Kross asked, even though he could never forget that day. He had a clear memory of the moment, standing out in front of his house to warm himself in the sunlight when Raguna rushed unexpectedly into his quiet world.

"The second day of Spring."

"What a coincidence. That day is also my birthday. On that day, another man left and I came here to live."

Raguna regarded him with a thoughtful look, but didn't argue. It was true, as much as anything could be true. The life he lived had started on the second day of spring.

It was also true that on that day the Kross who lived every day exactly the same, wishing that each turn of the seasons would bring him nothing new, had gone away. The day Raguna had come into his life also marked a change, one he was still reeling from. It was part of his rebirth here in Trampoli.

 **Autumn 13** (Harvest Festival)

The weeds and debris that accumulated in every field overnight weren't there when Kross woke up. He didn't think too much of it until he reached Raguna's farm.

Raguna's field was in worse shape than it had been after their last storm. He had clearly spent the first few morning hours cleaning up, but there was still a mess of weeds, rocks, and large branches scattered across the field, and some of his crops had been destroyed. When Kross arrived he was in the middle of chopping apart a tree stump that had somehow planted itself in the middle of his bell peppers.

In spite of the damage, Raguna looked up and smiled as he greeted him. "Good morning! I've got a mess to clean up right now, but I'll be over in a minute."

Kross didn't ask what had happened. He thought Raguna would be unwilling to voice any suspicions on that front. He had thought from the first time they met that Raguna was a straightforward young man, but Brodik had revealed one streak of dishonesty.

Without taking time to think about the action, Kross moved away from his usual spot and stepped into the field. He didn't trespass into the section where Raguna had planted his autumn crops, but the area Raguan had left clear to encourage the growth of wild herbs and grasses seemed safe. He began to gather the weeds that had been scattered instead of useful plants.

"You don't have to do that," Raguna protested. "It's your day off. I can clean it up."

"No. . . I think some of these are mine," Kross answered. He wondered how many fields Brodik had cleared of debris just to dump it all on Raguna in the night.

"What do you mean?"

When Kross couldn't answer, Raguna accepted that.

"I don't mean to be ungrateful. Thank you for your help."

Kross looked over at what had been done to Raguna's crops. He ran his gaze over broken eggplant stems and tender spinach crushed under rocks, and he knew he couldn't do anything to repair the damage that mattered.

For a short time Kross almost felt like a monster. He was working for someone who had cared for him and earned his trust. He was focused on one task and nothing else. When there were no weeds left he started to gather scattered branches.

By the time he gathered an armful of wood to carry back to Raguna's lumber pile, Brodik had stolen his usual place at the edge of Raguna's field.

Raguna was already making his way over to talk to Brodik. Even with the damage that had been caused he still had the self control to greet Brodik politely.

Brodik did not return the favor. "What is this? You can't even take care of your own fields? You're even forcing someone else to do your work for you! What kind of farmer forces a neighbor do their work? No one would actually want to help someone like you! You don't deserve to be in this village! Get out of here!"

So far Brodik had made no attempt to harm Raguna directly, and from his comments (often loud enough for Kross to hear from his own fields) it seemed the harassment meant he was unwilling to drive Raguna out of the village by violence. Kross didn't want to fight if he could avoid it, but here Raguna was being berated right in front of him.

Kross tried to focus on the distance between them and how quickly he could cross it. It felt as if Brodik was trying to batter Raguna down with his voice alone. He couldn't tell if Brodik's aggression would escalate to a direct attack, and he still did not have a clear measurement of Brodik's strength. When he thought of that Raguna seemed very far away.

Before he could determine if Raguna needed physical protection, Raguna shouted back, "Don't you dare talk about Kross that way!"

Kross had never heard Raguna raise his voice. Brodik looked similarly stunned, although that might have been because Raguna was not reacting to the obvious offense.

"If you want to say I don't deserve help, that's one thing, but Kross has been kind to me since I came to live here. He decided to help me on his day off even without being asked. Don't you dare belittle his kindness!"

Brodik pulled himself together for a parting shot of, "If you can't even keep your fields clean by yourself, there's no point in you staying in this village!" and retreated back across the stream.

As soon as he was gone Raguna turned and headed not back into his field, but over to where Kross was standing.

"Oh, you're all red. I'm sorry if I said something embarrassing."

It wasn't a matter of embarrassment. Kross was still struggling to uncoil the tension of fight or flight. The threat was gone (except he knew it was still there, just out of sight.) He shuddered, muscles trembling now that the spike of adrenaline had nowhere to go.

"Kross? Are you angry?"

Kross could almost laugh at the idea that he was capable of being angry right now. Raguna reached forward and touched him in concern, fingertips light on his biceps, and that was okay. He no longer had to think about the distance between them. Raguna fit neatly in the small space Kross could control, so he was safe now.

Even as he started to calm, Kross couldn't quite meet those concerned eyes. "It's nothing. I was only surprised to see you angry."

"It's not 'nothing.' It means a lot to me that you decided to help. Acting like your kindness was nothing felt so unfair. Did I say too much?"

When Kross dared to look he found that Raguna's face was a little red and his mouth was set in an almost childish expression of stubbornness. He didn't want to give up his stance even if he was embarrassed.

Kross still felt he had to correct this assumption about his kindness. "I haven't done much. When you first came to live here I didn't help you the way everyone else did."

"That's not true, Kross. You're the one who taught me how to relate to monsters. That was so important to me. It still is. And even the very first time we met you told me you could help if I ever needed extensions or repairs. Maybe you don't realize how kind you are, but I. . ."

Raguna took a deep breath and let it out again. It felt as if there should have been words there, but Raguna pulled away from whatever he might have said to focus on something else. "I. . . I must have upset you by arguing with Brodik. Is that what's wrong? I'm sorry. I'm trying to get along with him. I promise I won't involve you again."

"No. Come to me the moment anything happens. Shout for me if you need to." Kross mirrored Raguna's touch, but he gripped Raguna's arms hard instead of being gentle. Being faced with Brodik paralyzed him, but if he couldn't at least protect Raguna then what was he good for?

"It's okay, Kross. I know I can depend on you. I know."

Kross nodded, and then forced himself to let go. At that moment the texture of Raguna's sleeves under his fingers and the faint smell of Earth and sweat were so important. He wanted to hold Raguna in his arms for a moment, to make his entire world out of that, but he had no right to do so.

"Kross," Raguna whispered, and then found his voice to say more firmly, "That's right, you usually go to church around this time, don't you? Please wait a minute. I wanted to give you something."

Raguna hurried back to his field to fetch a bell pepper from one of the undamaged patches. He brought it back and offered it to Kross with both hands.

For the first time in a long time Kross hesitated before accepting. He didn't want to be paid for his help, but he realized Raguna saw the gesture as a gift. It was likely Raguna had been planning to offer it anyway. Kross could sense only kindness in the gesture.

"I meant to ask: do people in Trampoli not have a tradition of exchanging vegetables for the harvest festival? I was asking around yesterday, but it doesn't seem anyone does it."

Kross paused, looking at the half-eaten pepper in his hands. He could give Raguna something from his own fields, but it seemed like a poor trade. "No, we've never exchanged things for the festival."

"Oh. But I'd still like to share some with everyone. Will they think it's strange?"

"How would it be different from every other day?"

That startled a laugh out of Raguna. Kross was almost used to his sudden laughter by now. Raguna had to put in some extra effort and surprise Kross with his answer. "I don't give everyone vegetables every day."

Was he not aware of his own generosity? Or were his constant presents of food only for Kross?

 **Autumn 15**

Raguna approached him early in the morning as he started to look over his fields.

"Good morning!" Raguna trotted over to where he was waiting before making his request. "You said to come to you for an extension when I tamed as many monsters as could live comfortably in the barn you built. Do you have time to help me with that, Kross?"

"I'll start right away."

When Kross followed Raguna back to his farm he saw the damage Brodik had done had already been repaired, except for a few bare patches where crops had been destroyed and Raguna hadn't replanted yet.

He didn't doubt for an instant that Raguna's monsters would be comfortable, healthy, and well cared for. Raguna led all of them outside so that Kross could begin work on the barn.

Work went slower than usual. Kross couldn't seem to stop himself from glancing over at Raguna, surrounded by his loving menagerie.

His Clucky and Wooly had a brief disagreement over his lap before both decided to snuggle up to him regardless of the company. His Ant pressed close to his side and refused to be moved by their squabble. He had a Ghost looming over him, eerie as a grim reaper until he reached up to scratch under its chin, prompting an adorable cackle.

The rest of his monsters were free to wander, but Kross could see they were too fond of Raguna to stray far. They browsed on the things growing around their barn, his Hornet even flew far enough to investigate the eggplant vines with their purple flowers, but there was no danger of them leaving Raguna.

Kross made himself focus on his work. He would build a barn out of strength and love. The feeling that gnawed at his heart when he thought of that was longing rather than jealousy.

Half of him wanted to tame a monster, to love and care for it every day. Half of him wanted to be a monster, to be loved and given tasks and be sure of who he was. If he were a monster in Raguna's care. . .

At one point Raguna's Minotaur came to see what he was doing and huffed hot breath down the back of his neck. Kross felt shaky with pleasure from the attention, a helpless smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Raguna waited until the Minotaur actually touched his building materials to call it back. Kross wanted to say he didn't mind at all. The darling monster had probably helped Raguna gather that lumber in the first place.

"I'm sorry," Raguna called over to him. "They've been working so hard helping me get everything cleaned up. I think they're still under some stress."

Kross looked over at him soothing the Minotaur, along with a miniature Golem which had taken a turn standing over him. It was more than twice Raguna's size, and it moved with a self-awareness that spoke volumes of its affection for Raguna. They were both alert and agitated, but Kross could tell at a glance it had nothing to do with overwork. They were responding to the stress Raguna had been placed under, standing protectively over him. Had he been Raguna's monster he would have done the same.

Once again Kross designed the barn with everything he knew about monsters. There would be room for even the largest monsters to move around comfortably. The walls between rooms were thick, so the noises of their unseen fellows wouldn't upset them.

Raguna's smile and warm words of thanks were waiting for him when he finished.

"Since there's more room, I think the first thing is to spread everyone out a little so they don't feel crowded."

"You also need to make sure they don't get lonely, now that they're used to living in a group. I mean. . ." Kross let out a low sigh. He expected his advice was unneeded, and therefore unwelcome.

Except Raguna answered, "You're right. Thank you, Kross."

Kross watched him patiently shepherding his monsters into groups.

"The room on the south side will be the warmest," he added softly.

Raguna beamed at him and repeated, "Thank you."

With that bit of information, the move was simple. Raguna led the heat-loving monsters that could be found in the Lava Ruins into the southmost room first. He left Kross outside with the other five, who had gathered around the new barn.

Kross thought he was in heaven. Monsters had been afraid to be around him for so long, but the ones Raguna had tamed only showed curiosity towards him. The Hornet hummed around his head, but Kross could read its movements well enough to know it wasn't ready to sting.

Even if he couldn't tame a monster of his own Kross still remembered them well. He anticipated when the Wooly would trip over its own feet and bent to catch it.

He couldn't have anticipated it wiggling closer and settling on his arm until he had no choice but to pick it up.

Running his hand over soft wool and having the little monster snuggle against him with a squeaky sigh made his throat draw tight with emotion. He hadn't held a happy monster since he was a boy, but now one wanted to nap in his arms. It was the most wonderful blessing he could have asked for.

One of Raguna's Buffamoos lipped at his hair. Kross paused in petting the Wooly to reach over, moving slowly so as not to startle her, and scratched gently along her shoulder.

The second Buffamoo head-butted him in the shoulder hard enough that a weaker man would have been knocked back.

"Sorry," Raguna laughed as he stepped out of the barn again. "Bossy's been here longer, so she's used to getting attention first."

"I don't mind." Kross knew he was reenforcing the behavior by giving Bossy attention as well, but his heart was too full to care.

"All right, everyone, let's get settled in the new home Kross built for you."

Raguna's hand on his shoulder urged him to come inside too. Kross thought it was because he was still carrying his precious bundle, but for some reason Raguna didn't ask him to put the Wooly down. He was too distracted brushing the others and helping them get settled. Kross stole minutes cuddling the warm armful of monster before Raguna got back to him.

"I'm not surprised Sleepy likes you," Raguna told him softly, reaching into his arms to rub behind the Wooly's ears. "You have such a calming presence."

Kross didn't have an answer for that. He didn't know how to explain Raguna was wrong when he was being trapped with happiness like this.

"I know my naming sense is odd," Raguna said, as if that was the reason for the look Kross was giving him.

Kross let himself be guided to lay the Wooly down on one of the soft piles of straw. It opened one eye, then snuggled down in the straw, living up to its name.

"Kross, you have something in your hair," Raguna said. He reached for it before Kross could move.

Raguna's fingers brushed through his hair, combing out a few bits of dried fodder. His cheeks were unexpectedly pink as he took his hand away. "Maybe I should brush you too, after all your hard work."

If Raguna's cheeks were pink, Kross knew his must be flaming red. He struggled with the painful grin trying to stretch his cheeks at the mere thought, ducking his head to hide the grimace behind his hair.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Kross! I didn't mean to make you angry."

Kross sighed, because of course Raguna hadn't been serious. "It's nothing."

"I'm glad for your help. You know so much about monsters."

"I know they're happy in your care."

Raguna didn't answer at first. He took an extra minute to fuss over all of them, making sure they were settled in.

It wasn't until they stepped out of the barn that he confessed, "I'm worried I haven't been taking good enough care of them. About ten days ago I must have left the door open, because they all got out. I don't know how I could have been so careless."

Kross froze at the confession. He didn't believe for a moment that Raguna could have forgotten something like that. He immediately remembered Brodik's comment about Raguna relying on monsters.

"At least none of them were hurt, or lost, but they were all upset. I put off asking you for the extension because I was afraid another change so soon might bother them."

"I can put a lock on the door," Kross offered.

Raguna was biting his lip, refusing to lay blame at the feet of the obviously guilty party, but Kross hoped they both knew Brodik must have been the one to deliberately let them out.

"It doesn't seem right to lock them up. And what if you wanted to visit them?"

Kross drew in a sharp breath, not knowing how to respond. Raguna would accept him wanting to visit his monsters? Although he was sure they wouldn't accept his presence without Raguna close by.

"Anyway, I should have asked your advice first before I asked too much of them. I thought a few hours a day helping me clean up the wood and rocks wouldn't be too much, but now every time I go in the barn they get agitated and want to follow me around." He bowed his head slightly. Kross hoped he hadn't willfully forgotten who was to blame for putting his fields in such a state in the first place.

Kross let out a soft 'heh' of breath. "It's because they care for you. If they sense that anything is threatening you, they will want to protect you. A monster's love is completely pure and honest."

When he looked at Raguna, Kross knew how they felt. Maybe there was something more of a monster in him than his strength after all. He could understand that unwavering love.

"Leave the door unlocked. Tame the strongest panther you can, and teach it to guard the others."

"I'll try that. Thank you for your advice."

Kross hoped Raguna understood the duel use of a guard monster. They would keep the others from wandering, and they would keep human strangers from trespassing.

He was still human enough to be dishonest. Raguna didn't seem to realize he had picked the species most likely to be able to get out of the barn by itself. It would be the monster best able to come to Raguna's aid, if it came to that.

 **Autumn 17**

Kross made a habit of rising earlier each morning, before the time he had first heard Brodik. He needed to keep careful watch on his neighbor. Brodik did not seem to mean any of the other villagers harm, in fact he had shown a soft spot for the children, but he had still decided to center his mission on Raguna.

The first thing Kross did after he left the house was check on Raguna's field, even before his own. The field was just as it should be. Instead, the newest form of harassment was a boulder completely blocking Raguna's front door. Brodik was nowhere to be seen.

No one else was out yet. Even Anette wouldn't arrive for a few minutes. Kross quickly crossed the bridge and approached Raguna's house.

The boulder was bigger than he was. Kross was sure he could shift it. The problem was the person who had put it there.

He had let himself believe Brodik didn't have this kind of strength. He was not just any special agent, but a monster hunter. The Zzyzx military only picked the best trained and most trustworthy for their hunters. They needed to range far in the field and to act without immediate orders. It wasn't a role that could be filled by blunt tools like Kross.

Yet Kross could think of no other way for this boulder to appear in front of Raguna's door, except by Brodik's hand.

Before he could dispose of the boulder, Kross heard Raguna's door open and an exclamation of surprise.

Erik's shock at seeing his raw strength all those years ago burned in his mind, but he couldn't leave Raguna trapped. All he could say was, "I'm sorry, Raguna. . ."

"Why are you apologizing, Kross?"

Kross couldn't look at his face, afraid Raguna would be frightened of him. "I'm sorry."

He braced his hands on the boulder and slowly pushed it out of the way. When he was well past the door he stopped, still leaning his weight against solid stone.

If Brodik had that same strength. . . he didn't know what to do. If he fought Brodik, whether he won or lost it would bring trouble to the village. He would bring harm down upon those who had taken him in and accepted him when he had no place in the world. Even if he threw his life away and fled it was too late to believe that would lead the danger away from Raguna. He didn't have it in him to confess the truth and cooperate quietly.

He didn't want to harm another person ever again. He didn't want to see Raguna come to harm when he could stop it.

"Kross?"

"I'm sorry. My neighbor seems to be bothering you. He seems to be very much like me when I was young."

"So you were a lively child. You really don't look it now." Raguna laughed, teasing and kind.

Kross couldn't share in his happiness. "I wasn't lively at all. . ." The words 'I was dangerous' dissolved into a sigh.

"It's funny. You and Brodik seem like opposites in so many ways. It's hard to imagine you playing pranks, especially when you look after me like this. Thank you, Kross." Raguna touched the rock beside his hand, then slowly moved to cover Kross's hand with his own. "You didn't strain yourself, did you?"

Kross could hear the concern, but he couldn't understand it. "Of course not."

"I knew you were strong, but I never realized you were this strong. You're really amazing."

'Amazing' caught in Kross's brain. It was not a word he was used to having used on him. When he looked Raguna was smiling at him without a trace of fear.

Raguna understood monsters. Kross wasn't whole enough to be a monster, he knew that, but maybe Raguna still understood. Raguna trusted Kross would never harm him, didn't he? Kross wondered how well Raguna could read humans.

"He's playing pranks on you." That was the closest Raguna had come to admitting what was happening. Did he fully realize what was happening?

"I. . . I'm not sure what's going on. It seems like he's frustrated about something. I wish I knew how to get along with him." Raguna paused before adding a few words in Brodik's defense. "I think he's homesick, but he feels like he has to finish what he came here to do. I know he goes out of his way not to trouble the other villagers."

"If you need, I could. . ." Kross wasn't sure what he wanted to offer. He would protect Raguna, if he only knew how.

Raguna nodded, accepting whatever went unspoken, and Kross wondered if Raguna knew what he meant to say better than he himself did.

"I'm glad you're on my side, Kross."

 **Autumn 18**

Kross had another warrior's medal to add to his collection. Raguna had gotten in the habit of bringing them whenever he picked one up while fighting. He would probably keep bringing them as long as Kross kept accepting them, and Kross wasn't going to tell him to stop. He had a row of them lined up near his bed to watch over him as he slept.

He liked the medals. That wasn't the problem. The problem was the growing feeling that he didn't deserve them, not with Brodik going so far as to try to warn him away from Raguna while he stayed quiet and refused to admit he was the dangerous one.

In terms of things he didn't deserve, however, what came next was even worse.

"I also thought you might like this," Raguna offered, his voice bright with pleasure that said he was particularly proud of this present. "It took a lot of practice, but I was finally able to cook it for you."

It was a curry bun, steaming gently in the cool autumn air. Kross stared at it.

"Try it while it's hot," Raguna encouraged. "Or do you not like curry at all? I should have asked."

Flour and curry powder. Deceptively simple, and yet this was something Kross would never be able to make for himself. He probably would have blown up a steamer if he tried.

It tasted too good to describe, spicy and hot inside gummy dough. It warmed his hands and his insides with every bite.

Raguna was waiting to hear if it was good, but Kross couldn't say it. The words choked off in his throat. "Why?" he asked instead. "Why do you keep giving me these things?"

"I thought you should get to try it, even if you can't make it for yourself. Should I not have made it a surprise?"

"Why would you go to so much trouble for me?"

"Because I like you."

"You like everyone." Raguna was kind to everyone. He even went out of his way to try to make peace with Brodik, who was determined to hate him no matter what he did. Yet Kross saw enough of what happened around him to know Raguna treated him differently. No one else got to try every variety of fruit and vegetable fresh from his farm, or new recipes as he mastered them.

"Yeah, I do," Raguna agreed, "But more than anything, I want to find ways to make you smile."

Kross was sure he had smiled more this year than in the last five, and it was all because of Raguna. His world was changing so fast he didn't know which way to throw himself to escape the fallout. He would stay and be buried, because of Raguna.

"Why would you want me to smile?"

"I just told you. It's because I like you."

Raguna was a kind person. Kross knew that. He was still naive, and far too giving. There was no way he could mean what it seemed to Kross he meant. And yet, even knowing that he must be wrong, Kross reached out and took him by the shoulders in a grip tight enough to trap even a strong young man like Raguna.

He reached for Raguna, stepped close to him, and touched a kiss to his mouth as if that might say something his words could not.

When Kross opened his eyes he found sky-blue eyes staring back at him, wide with shock. Raguna didn't try to break free. He simply stood there in frozen silence as Kross released him.

Kross quickly wiped his hand across Raguna's mouth to erase the kiss. "I'm sorry. Please pretend I never did such a thing."

How could he even think to offer someone a kiss? He hadn't kissed anyone since long before he came here. He wasn't fit for that kind of thing anymore.

Maybe he had never been fit to give kisses. He had given his first love a kiss for good luck in the Coming of Age festival, only to see the older boy nearly killed before he could be called a man. On the frontier luck was wound taut as a crossbow and nothing happened without a reason.

Kross rubbed his thumb across Raguna's lips again. He prayed that he hadn't called some curse down on Raguna. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Raguna said, his breathy words no match for what was already in Kross's head. "It's more than okay."

Kross shook his head slowly. Raguna was always too kind, but this sort of thing wasn't okay. "I won't do it again. Please forget me entirely if you need to." He resisted the urge to keep touching Raguna's lips, because now he must be doing more harm than good.

"Kross," Raguna protested.

Unable to think of anything that would convince Raguna to reject him, Kross retreated to his house and locked the door for the night behind him.

 **Autumn 19**

There was no escaping the need to see how Raguna had fared. That overcame all fears and shame until Kross dared to walk over the bridge and into Raguna's homestead in the morning as usual.

He had never thought himself shameless. He had lifetimes of shame saved up, after all. It seemed he had shame enough that even forcing his lips against Raguna's was still only a drop in the bucket.

When he moved to his usual place to admire Raguna's tidy field, Raguna looked up at him before dropping his gaze again. He was on his hands and knees, weeding by hand for once. Kross didn't move, trying to stay a harmless shadow.

Raguna approached him with uncharacteristically slow steps, weeds still clutched in front of his chest like a shield. "Kross, I. . ." he started.

"Is this what you think of me?" Kross asked gloomily as he accepted the weeds. He deserved no better after what he had done.

Weeds tasted like weeds, even the ones that came from Raguna's hands. They weren't even filling.

"No! Kross, don't think I would mean to give you something like that!" Raguna protested. "And don't eat the weeds! I'll give you something else if you're that hungry, anything else." He sighed and lifted one hand, leaving it outstretched in the air between them. "You'll really eat anything I give you, won't you? I don't know if I should be flattered or offended."

Kross was silent, letting Raguna take a moment to pull himself together.

"What I want to say is, that's not what I think of you. I like you, Kross. I mean that just as much as I did yesterday. I mean it the same way I think you did when you kissed me. I should have made myself clear."

"I asked you to forget."

"If you insist on me forgetting, then may I be the first to kiss you?" Raguna asked, teasing and fond. His voice was so warm Kross's heart was going to melt. "Or is this something you won't accept from me?"

"I care for you too much for that."

"I care for you too. Very much."

Raguna's hands crept forward to catch hold of his. Kross watched them do it, because he still didn't know what to think of such a thing. Raguna was holding his hands. Raguna was smiling hopefully at him, ducking down so that they were eye-to-eye in spite of Kross's bowed head.

Then Raguna was kissing him, lips soft and warm as a stolen taste of paradise.

 **Autumn 22**

Kross was on his way to do his morning check on Raguan's homestead when he heard Raguna shout. When he rushed to Raguna's side he found the young farmer clearly panicked, one hand on his sword.

A Golem was in the middle of tearing up his field. Not Raguna's sweet-tempered Golem, of course, but a stranger.

"I can't go around waving weapons in the field! What should I do?!"

Before either of them could act there was the crack of an explosion and a flash of smoke, and the Golem started to break apart on its own. Kross threw one arm around Raguna, intending to shield him, only to have Raguna act on the same instinct at the same time. They ended up huddled together as the Golem crumbed harmlessly where it stood.

Raguna's fingers remained clenched in Kross's shirt for several seconds after, both of them as still as if they expected the Golem to somehow spring back up again.

"I need to speak to Brodik this time," Raguna said as he slowly pulled away. "I know he's been interested in building Golems, but I never expected him to be so irresponsible! Pulling pranks is one thing, but he's going too far."

Brodik was building Golems. Kross felt lightheaded with relief. He hadn't seen any hint of monster strength from Brodik, and now he finally knew what had been doing the heavy lifting for him. Raguna was safe, at least from the threat of a special agent with inhuman strength.

With that thought turning over and over, slowly sinking in past the layer of tension and fear that had become part of his everyday thoughts, Kross moved automatically. He stepped carefully between the rows of damaged vegetables as he carried the heaviest pieces of broken armor out of Raguna's field.

Raguna set aside frustration long enough to join him. The unfamiliar frown on his face let Kross know he was well and truly angry this time. Even by the time they finished cleaning up that anger hadn't dissolved.

It was probably irresponsible to let Raguna confront Brodik on his own, even if he did insist this was something he had to do himself. Kross watched from his roof. He wasn't quite close to hear with the wind blowing the wrong way, but he was close enough to reach Raguna in an instant if Brodik reacted with violence. That was all that mattered to him.

Brodik didn't attack him physically, but when Raguna approached Kross that afternoon he looked tired and defeated.

"Let me help you a little, Kross."

"I appreciate the thought, but this is something I should do for myself."

"But I know you're only behind because you spent so many hours this morning helping me." Raguna knelt beside him, so close that Kross went still. "You really saved me. I know some of the pieces you carried away for me I wouldn't have been able to move by myself, and the monsters would have had trouble doing it so neatly."

"You can feel free to think of me as your monster," Kross offered. He felt the burn of a guilty blush.

"On one condition." Raguna leaned in closer and kissed Kross on the cheek, making him jump inside his skin. "Kross?"

Kross couldn't explain how the soft touch had shocked him. He took a moment to breathe and then tuned his face to present his other cheek to Raguna. "Here."

Raguna gave him a second kiss, just as soft and sweet as the first, and this time he could relax into it.

"What was your condition?"

"It's just that I can't ask any monster to do so much and then not care for them."

If he wanted to be Raguna's monster, he had to let himself be cared for. Kross thought he might be able to live with that.

"Then you can water the yams for me," Kross requested. His voice was hoarse, not quite able to escape the feeling he was doing something wrong.

Raguna smiled and nodded. He hurried to help before Kross could even think of taking the words back.

 **Autumn 23**

Raguna brought dinner to share once again. Kross had never heard of ratatouille before, but he could guess why Raguna had selected the recipe. The dish was heavy with vegetables that Raguna had grown, ones that couldn't be found in Kross's fields. It was the sort of thing Raguna would think about.

Something seemed to be troubling Raguna, but Kross didn't have the words to ask. It wasn't until they were almost finished eating that Raguna opened the subject himself.

"Did Brodik say anything to you recently? Anette said he seemed depressed, and now it seems he's left town, but I don't think he said anything to anyone. I'm a little worried."

Kross shook his head slowly. He had been paranoid of and grateful for Brodik's absence for most of the day. Could he have realized Raguna wasn't the person he was searching for? Kross didn't think he would give up so easily.

"I did the wrong thing by accusing him yesterday. It wasn't fair of me. And with the timing it feels like it's my fault." Raguna looked away guiltily. "I hope he's okay, after leaving so suddenly."

"You're too kind, after what happened," Kross answered.

Raguna truly seemed to be worried. He sat silent as Kross cleared away the dishes. Kross had never expected Raguna would actually miss Brodik. Even if he had never escalated to violence, Kross had seen how he tried to drive Raguna away.

"Is it bad for me to be friendly with people?" Raguna asked.

Kross returned to Raguna's side. Had Brodik said something like that? He must have. Who else would criticize Raguna for that?

"It feels natural. I like the people around me so I want to be friendly. I like being able to do things that make them happy. But I also want people to like me. Is something like that taking advantage? Could I have irritated Brodik so much by behaving that way that he left?"

"You're not taking advantage," Kross promised. Those words were meant for him. If he was able to be like Raguna, to smile and socialize happily with everyone without reservation, maybe that would be wrong. For Raguna he couldn't imagine anything more natural.

"I want to belong here," Raguna confessed. "I had no memories, no home, until I met Mist. After following her here, I just want to belong."

"I understand," Kross answered, surprising himself. He knew the feeling of wanting to build a new life. He had secured his life in the weight of lumber and stone and roots digging down into the earth. Raguna had found a place connected to the people around him.

"Is that wrong?"

"No."

"I also wanted you to like me, you know."

Kross couldn't imagine not liking Raguna now. Raguna's kindness was more than a stream of presents. It was his smile and his company and the earnest way he asked if Kross would accept what he wanted to offer.

Moving closer, Kross left a few close-kept words in Raguna's ear, although he was sure his secret was well known by now. "I like your kindness."

"It meant so much to me when you kissed me. I was afraid if I gave you something and then asked for attention you would feel obligated somehow," Raguna spilled out all in a rush.

Kross touched a kiss to Raguna's check, eyes nearly closed as he digested this confession. It had been unforgivable at the time, but perhaps there was some redeeming value if it told Raguna he was honestly loved.

"Sorry. I didn't realize how deeply Brodik's words hit me until he left." Raguna was smiling when he said it, and for some reason that pulled at Kross's heart.

"He's wrong." Kross didn't know how to set things straight, but he couldn't let Raguna come to harm now that Brodik had finally gone. "You belong here."

"Kross. . . I'm glad I could come here and meet you. You're so kind."

Kross shook his head. He didn't have it in him to be kind, not like Raguna. "If there was someone who didn't belong here, I'm sure he's already gone."

"Don't start saying unkind things!" Raguna exclaimed. He probably thought Kross was talking about Brodik. While the sentiment included Brodik, he was really thinking of his past, of Weber.

"You belong here. That's all," Kross repeated. Perhaps more than he himself did even after these years trying to put down roots. The village and the spirits and the Earth itself all loved Raguna. He must know that.

"Kross," Raguna said again, softly. Kross actually hoped he might be comforted now, but instead he murmured, "I feel like you're not telling me something. And some of the things Brodik said, it was like he recognized me but as someone I don't know. If it's something I don't remember. . . You said it was a good thing to be able to forget, but I don't know that because I don't know what I'm forgetting."

Kross did remember saying something like that before he had gotten to know Raguna. He had never seen Raguna's face like this talking about his lost memories. He had only seen Raguna politely explaining why he couldn't say something about his past or where he came from. Now he was trying to find an answer for the problem of 'Weber.'

"I met you for the first time on the second day of Spring. I wouldn't forget you if I had met you before. I can only picture the person you were being kind and hardworking as you are now," Kross promised. Whatever Raguna's past was, it shouldn't be allowed to hurt him.

Raguna leaned against him until his face rested against Kross's shoulder. "Thank you, Kross. Somehow I feel more at ease hearing you say that."

Kross was grateful that he could at least do that much. He had already said all the words he could think of that might comfort Raguna, and he didn't know what more to offer.

"Can I stay here? Will you hold me for a minute?"

His voice was so small Kross almost missed it. He hesitantly slipped his arms around Raguna. For a moment he was afraid to hold on too tightly, in case Raguna might want to escape.

Raguna relaxed against him, and Kross gathered him closer. Maybe by holding Raguna he could say the things he had run out of words for. 'I want you here,' and, 'I love you.'

 **Autumn 25** (Coming of Age Day)

Before he left home, Kross had promised to be back the next year for his sister's Coming of Age Day. All their lives Clover had been his closest friend, and she had been so furious he was leaving she made him promise a dozen times he would come back.

In his heart Kross must have repeated the promise a hundred times more. He was terrified what might happen to her. He had thought he would have done anything just to know she would be safe.

Every year Kross woke up feeling that broken promise like a heart full of broken glass.

For many years Trampoli had been too small to hold a real adventure contest. This year Kross's heart was heavy with dread.

Raguna finished his morning chores some time before Kross arrived. Kross already knew he had gone to participate in the village's Coming of Age Day festivities. He had almost an hour to resign himself to that fact before Raguna came trotting down the path from the business district.

Perhaps he should say something general about the season or his work. Instead he surprised himself with the truth. "I just can't learn to like the adventure contest," he sighed. "You should never let children carry weapons. You will ruin them if you do."

"The adventure contest is where they go treasure hunting," Raguna corrected him. "Stella set up a scavenger hunt around the village for a golden turnip."

Kross felt a jolt of surprise. Stella had been insistent that the treasure hunt she had planned would be harmless, but that still wasn't what he connected with any Coming of Age ceremony in his mind.

"I guess different places do things differently," Raguna continued, reading too far into Kross's heart. "Kross. . ." he left the unspoken question hanging there a moment too long before he let it go and covered it with something safer. "How old are you?"

"I must have been around your age when I came here." Perhaps even a bit younger. It was hard to say. Kross had stopped numbering his years once he settled in Trampoli. He wasn't sure what landmarks he could use to count backwards through the seasons between his arrival and Raguna's.

"That's not fair! I don't know how long ago you came here. I don't even know how old I am!"

"I had thought of you as an adult." Raguna was able to make his own way in the world. For Kross it had taken several years between coming of age and being able to build a life for himself.

"Thank you. Or are you saying you think I'm too old?" Raguna asked, trying to pretend he was offended. His tone was so playful that even Kross wasn't fooled.

"I suppose you can be childish sometimes too."

Raguna burst out laughing. "Thanks. Then I'm going to play. I wanted to have the chance to participate at least once. I'll see you later, okay?"

It was difficult to contrast a harmless game encouraged by the very sister who had saved and guided him against a memory that rang with pain. Kross couldn't stop himself from remembering the boy who had lived across the river, the one with a smile that lit up the world. He had almost died from the wounds he suffered undergoing the traditional coming of age.

Back then Kross didn't have it in him to think 'this is wrong.' It was only 'this is.' If that was the way of the world, then he could only become strong enough to survive it. Those had been the thoughts that finished his childhood even before his own coming of age.

He didn't want the children of this village to grow up with those wounds that sometimes remained long after the festival.

Yet Raguna had said, 'I'm going to play,' and he hadn't taken his sword in his hand.

Raguna found him in the church later and took a place next to him. His eyes were soft with concern, but if he was worried for Kross he didn't voice those fears.

"I lost. I took too long."

"That's too bad. Just imagine that the golden turnip never existed."

Raguna smiled, and his eyes became easier for Kross to meet. He touched Kross's hand gently, silently asking for permission, then threaded their fingers together.

"It was fun. Maybe next year we can help Stella hide vegetables," he suggested.

Kross still had no intention of learning to like the adventure contest, but knowing what Stella had decided it should be, maybe he could live without dreading this day.

 **Autumn 26**

Winter-proofing had been part of Kross's seasonal work every autumn since the first he spent in Trampoli. Now it felt like a way of confirming for himself that he belonged here. He had put a little of himself into every building in the village, whether in whole extensions or small patches. That was something he could use to steady himself when he started to feel like the person he wanted to be wasn't real.

Kross was only distantly aware of someone watching him finish his work. When he looked up he found Eunice standing a few paces away, holding a tray with a tall glass on it.

"Mom wanted me to give this to you when you finished."

Kross accepted the glass. He was being spoiled with presents this year, but this was the first time he'd had one presented so politely.

"It tastes good," he told her after the first sip. Sweet berry milk was perfect after a day's work, even if it hadn't been particularly hard work. "Did you make it?"

"Yes. Oh, but it's not tricky."

Kross allowed himself a faint smile. "Unlike you, my cooking skills haven't gotten better over the years."

The autumn he built Rita's tavern she'd practically dragged him into the kitchen, insistent that he would not be 'a useless man who doesn't know how to look after himself.' Kross had been intimidated by her, but she was a good teacher. Thanks to her help he was able to coax the occasional simple, hot meal from his crops without setting anything on fire.

At the time Eunice had still been a child, so small for her age she had to stand on a crate to reach the counter top. She had been so timid around him that he became keenly self-conscious of every move he made. He didn't want to be a frightening thing. He had passed her fragments of roasted chestnut whenever he thought he could get away with it, not knowing how else to coax her not to be afraid of him.

Eunice had grown. She no longer seemed nervous around him. Kross hadn't realized enough years had passed for her to grow from a child to a young maiden. She would be only a year away from her own coming of age, at least in the tradition he had grown up with. He sometimes forgot that time moved on for everyone around him, while he was still focused on building permanent foundations where he was.

"You've grown into a very good cook," he told her. It was the best way he could think of to say it. She was a child of the village who had grown up healthy and strong, and it was good to see that even if she wasn't his child.

Eunice flushed and thanked him politely. Kross turned his head, to better hide behind his hair and keep things from becoming too embarrassing for either of them.

He was grateful to be back in his seasonal routine, but seeing Eunice reminded him that over time some things could change for the better.

 **Autumn 29**

Once he was up on the roof it became more evident that the house had been abandoned for years. Raguna was lucky it was in as good of condition as it was. Whoever had built this house had done their work well. It had held up in those years it stood empty, but for winter Kross was determined to see Raguna's home properly storm-proofed.

The sky became dark sooner than it should, but it wasn't until too late that Kross looked up from his work and noticed the clouds moving in. He was still cleaning up when the cloudburst opened right over him.

Raguna was under the eaves of the house when he dropped from the roof and landed heavily. He didn't so much as blink at Kross landing right in front of him.

"Kross, do you have time to come inside for a little while?"

Kross paused for a moment in the cold autumn rain. "I finished my job," he said, in case Raguna thought he had been interrupted mid-repair.

"Thank you," Raguna answered. "I wanted to have dinner with you."

Raguna lay a hand on his arm and Kross looked down at it before silently following Raguna inside. At times he felt those light touches existed to speak Raguna's intentions towards him.

"You're already soaked through," Raguna was saying, moving ahead of Kross the moment they were inside.

He fetched a towel from the chest near his bed.

"Can I help dry your hair?"

Kross looked into Raguna's earnest face, then dipped his head in a slow nod. He stayed slightly bent to make it easier for Raguna to reach, and was completely still when the towel was put over his head.

Raguna's hands were firm, but gentle. He focused first on fluffing up Kross's hair and drying it, then fell to simply massaging his scalp through the towel.

Even as his eyes slid nearly closed with bliss, Kross noticed the smile on Raguna's face. He had found one of Kross's weak spots, but Kross would submit to him exploiting it this way. He stayed still until Raguna's hands were simply running back and forth over his head, and then finally stopped moving.

"May I kiss you?" Raguna whispered.

"If you want to."

Raguna's lips touched softly against his. He let the towel fall to rest around Kross's neck, but kept touching his hair, sliding fingers through it and holding it away from his face. He closed his eyes almost immediately, seemingly content with that much.

Kross put one hand at the back of Raguna's head and pressed a firm kiss to his mouth. He wanted something that felt solid. That was what seemed fitting for Raguna. Raguna might be flustered by it, but he smiled and rested their foreheads together.

"Do you want to borrow some dry clothes?"

"I'll just get wet again," Kross pointed out.

"It might stop. Or you could stay here tonight."

For just a moment the offer hung in the air between them. It had been a long time since Kross had wanted to be with someone so much, and even longer since he felt able to do so. He still hadn't adapted to this.

"Either way, let's have something to eat first," Raguna said quickly, as if he guessed that Kross was about to leave and remove all temptation. "Do you need another towel?" When Kross pulled the damp towel from his neck and rubbed at his shoulders he let it go. "Is there anything in particular you'd like? You can look at my cookbooks."

Kross didn't follow all the way into the kitchen, but that didn't stop Raguna from trying to include him. "Would you like curry? I think there was a good recipe. . . No, don't have all the ingredients," he muttered to himself, checking through the back of the book.

"Something simple," Kross requested. He didn't want Raguna to go to so much trouble for him. He would be happy with something like the grilled fish Raguna had first brought him.

After a moment of thought Raguna paged to the middle of the book to select his recipe. He showed Kross where to find bowls and spoons to set the table, and made a thick vegetable stew for them to share.

Kross didn't think this counted as simple, not compared to his own weak attempts at cooking, but it was delicious and hearty and he wasn't about to do anything other than praise it. It was a harvest stew, perfect for a cool evening at the end of autumn. Raguna had included a vegetable from each season. He wondered if Raguna had made the selection on purpose.

Raguna didn't repeat his offer for Kross to stay the night, though Kross could still feel it hanging over them. Instead he asked about Kross's work, if he made furniture as well. Kross had been busy building so far that year and unable to devote time to crafting. Once winter set in, barring any emergency repairs, he expected to enjoy many long hours working.

Eventually Raguna got around to working on his own crafting while Kross watched. The conversation lapsed occasionally as Raguna had to concentrate, but Kross didn't mind watching in silence. It was different from the work he did with wood. Raguna worked with metal and hide, bringing together seemingly incompatible materials into a whole.

Humming to himself, Raguna modified a knit hat (not unlike one Kross's mother might have made in the winter) by adding extra fur and wool until it was soft and fluffy. By the time he was done it looked like a little Wooly.

"What do you think?" Raguna asked as he tried it on. "I'll need something warmer for winter, plus the Snow Ruins are really cold!"

Kross suddenly felt flustered. It became equally difficult to look Raguna in the eye or look away. It was unfairly cute, like a baby Wooly perched on Raguna's head, and Raguna's cheerful smile only made it that much more overwhelming. "It suits you."

"What do you mean? Is something wrong?" Raguna turned away from his work bench and lifted one hand to Kross's forehead. "Your face is red."

"It's nothing. You look very cute."

"What?" Raguna laughed. "Maybe I should make you one."

"I don't mind the cold."

"Really? But wouldn't you like one, if it's so cute? Besides, it would be good practice for me. I need more experience, since there's something special I need to make."

"What is it?" Perhaps some piece of armor to keep him safe? Kross almost offered to help, even though Raguna spent so much more time exploring and was more likely to come across the materials he needed.

Raguna seemed unexpectedly flustered as he pulled out more materials. "It's a surprise. I promise to show you first once I'm done."

The next craft did not go as well. Raguna's hands were steady as he joined turtle shell and fishbone and added little details in silver, but near the end his grip suddenly slipped, leaving him with a shallow gash along his hand.

Kross moved immediately to catch Raguna's hand. A spare bit of cloth was sacrificed to staunch the blood.

"You should rest." He hadn't noticed until Raguna's concentration slipped how exhausted he was.

"If I don't try to work anymore it would be fine to stay up a little longer."

"You need rest," Kross told him, more forcefully. He still wasn't used to being the one caring for Raguna, but it seemed he was going to have to learn.

"I know. I wanted your company for a little while, but I'm sure you'd rather go home. I'm sorry."

"You want my company?"

"I always do," Raguna said immediately. He leaned against Kross's shoulder, seemingly too exhausted to pick up his head. "I feel uneasy lately, like something's about to happen, but I don't know why. Having you here helps."

Kross accepted the confession, and accepted Raguna leaning into him. "I'll stay," he answered.

"Thank you, Kross." After a few seconds Raguna added, "Although I guess the bed is a little small for two."

Kross sucked in his breath in surprise. He had no idea how to respond to that.

"We'll figure something out. Just having you here is all I want."

Raguna insisted on bringing out every blanket he owned to make Kross comfortable where he chose to sleep, right beside the bed. Kross felt like a guard monster. That was a role Raguna had selected for him, and it was his pleasure to fill it.

He watched until Raguna dropped into a peaceful sleep before letting his own eyes close.

 **Autumn 30**

Kross woke curled up in a soft nest beside Raguna's bed, and for a long moment he lay perfectly still. One of Raguna's arms was hanging over the edge, close enough to innocently brush him.

Before he could make up his mind if he should wake Raguna or just go, Raguna sighed and stretched as he woke up on his own. He shifted out of bed almost immediately, grabbing blindly for the hat he had left on the bedside table. The motion seemed automatic. He paused once he had completed it, blinking sleepily at Kross.

"It sounds like the rain stopped, doesn't it?"

It was silent outside. The sound of rain washing over the roof had gone, and there was nothing to replace it but stillness. There was something in the air that smelled like the first brush of winter, even though it was still autumn. It was already past dawn, but the light through the windows was weak. An old instinct pressed at that back of Kross's mind. He wanted to give Raguna something warm.

"I could make you something," he offered. Even though he had been clear about his lack of cooking skills before, Raguna accepted the offer.

Hot milk was something even he could manage. He offered it with both hands, and watched the smile bloom on Raguna's face.

"This tastes good," Raguna told him, a warm echo of what were sometimes the only words Kross had to offer.

The warm feeling lasted right up until Raguna stepped outside.

"It's snowing. Kross, come look." He stepped out from under the eaves and held his hands out to the snow. "There are only a few clouds, but the sky is so dark."

"The sky is dark. . . this day depresses me every year." Kross didn't look to the sky, but at Raguna's confused face. "Every year that island in the sky blocks the sun so it turns dark and snows."

"I wonder why." Raguna looked up into the sky again. "But the snow seems so peaceful. I guess it's also a warning for us to be ready for winter tomorrow."

By now Kross thought he should have expected Raguna's optimism to brighten anything.

"Good morning!"

Kross jumped as the mail lady screeched to halt in front of Raguna's mailbox. Raguna called a happy greeting back to her, while Kross considered slipping back inside. She never wanted to see him.

"Raguna, there's a letter with your name-" she looked up from rummaging in her mail bag. "Did you have a friend move in with you? You're supposed to fill out a change of address form so we can deliver the mail, remember?"

"No, Kross still lives in the South District."

Raguna had caught his hand to keep him from slouching back into the shadows, and for the first time Anette looked directly at him.

"Oh! It's nice to finally meet you!" Anette smiled brightly at him. "I'm sure I'll remember now. I mean. . ."

Kross wasn't sure if he should mention he didn't mind that she always forgot his name.

"Okay, I have to run. Have a good day, you two." Just as quickly as she had come, Anette was off.

While Raguna was looking through his mail, Kross watched the dust cloud fade. He had never gotten close enough to notice before, but she had a uniquely sweet scent. His senses were dull, only human, but he thought it was something many monsters would be attracted to.

"Does the mail lady have trouble with monsters?"

"She told me they chase her pretty often. I think that's how she got to be so fast. I worry about her sometimes. Once she got this far and she was so worn out she collapsed and had to rest."

Kross wondered if that was the reason, if instincts honed from years of fleeing monsters made it so she didn't want to see him until Raguna made him safe. Was that how much Raguna changed him?

Something had changed. He knew that when Raguna turned and gently squeezed his hand.

"If you want to stay again, even for a little while, you'll always be welcome."

There were too many things said there for Kross to have the words to respond.

Raguna touched his cheek and murmured his name so that the unspoken 'May I?' lay neatly before him. Kross answered with a quick, light kiss and then a longer one.

It took three kisses before Raguna reluctantly stepped back. They both had chores to do to finish up the season, and of course Raguna needed to look after his monsters.

Raguna didn't rush off as usual, and in the doorway of his barn he turned back to give Kross a bright smile. For a moment Kross was tempted to join Raguna in his chores.

The silent snow couldn't wash away all of the thoughts in the back of his head the way the rain did. He could lay out all the choices that had led him to where he was now. He knew everything had been out of a desire to be with Raguna. That couldn't be undone, and Kross realized he didn't want it to be.

Kross headed home. He cleaned and composed himself and returned his tools to their proper places, then made his way to church as he might on any rainy day. When he passed through Raguna's homestead everything was still under the first fall of snow. It was cold and calm, and for once he almost didn't mind the dark sky.


	4. Winter - Season of Promises

I originally said I didn't want to take a year to finish this, so I've been fighting to get this done. When I finished my first draft of chapter 1 I didn't think there was any way it would grow past 35 to 40 thousand words. Now, on the other side, I am so glad I got to spend that much more time building this story.

I want to thank everyone who has favorited or left reviews, or has just taken the time to stop by and enjoy. It means the world to me that other people are enjoying the fic I spent so long with, from plotting to polishing.

This chapter holds all the spoilers for Kross and Brodik's story lines, as well as some spoilers for the main plot.

* * *

 **Winter - Season of Promises**

 **Winter 1**

Snow had covered his fields in a featureless blanket overnight and the air smelled fresh and cold. Winter was a restful season for Kross. The earth would sleep under the snow, and his world had become peaceful enough that it seemed he would be allowed to do the same.

Raguna's homestead was covered in the same soft blanket. Kross spent some time gazing out over the wide field before he realized that Raguna had no reason to be working in his field today, and no reason to be here waiting for him.

Even if Raguna didn't come, Kross refused to change his routine now. He watched the light from the Runeys make soft patches of color on the snow. All he expected of this season was peace and cold. He could fit himself around any little seasonal differences in Raguna's schedule. It should be easy now that nothing was threatening to tear his world apart.

As he was leaving church in the late afternoon there was a commotion by the archive. There was a woman in black that Kross had never seen around the village before. She was carrying Raguna up out of the entrance to the underground Snow Ruins.

Instinct took over the details of getting to where Raguna was while he was still processing the situation. She wasn't hurting Raguna as she moved to lay him down. There was no immediate threat he could see. He startled her when he rushed to crouch over Raguna, but he didn't care.

Raguna was unconscious. There was frost on his clothes and hair and even Kross could sense the prickling wrong of magic aftermath clinging to him, but he didn't seem to be hurt.

"Please don't be rude, Kross." Candy stepped up beside the stranger. She was easily the most calm among the three of them. "Iris is really nice, and she's trying to help Raguna."

"What happened?"

"After Gelwein threw us out, Raguna wouldn't wake up. It wasn't safe to leave him there."

Kross didn't understand. He focused on the fact that Raguna was unconscious and not waking up.

"Is someone injured? What's going on?" Lara must have noticed the commotion. She hurried up the path to where they were gathered around Raguna.

Lara was able to draw a more complete explanation out of the other two. It seemed Raguna, accompanied by Candy and Mist for some reason, had been exploring the ruins and found Iris where she was being held underground by a sorcerer. They had managed to free her, but the sorcerer had escaped and taken Mist with him.

"Now that you can take care of Raguna we'll go back and look for Mist," Candy suggested.

"Absolutely not! Neither of you are going anywhere until I've checked on Raguna. Candy, you're certainly not going back down there!"

Kross allowed Lara to be the voice of reason. He braced his hand beside Raguna's head, a little afraid to touch him. Frost dusting his lashes had melted, giving an impression of tears, but his expression was one of peaceful sleep. If he had been put to sleep by magic, then what could Kross even do?

"It should be safe to move him. Will you help me?" Lara said, breaking into Kross's thoughts.

Kross focused on the small task of carrying Raguna home and laying him in bed to rest. Raguna was warm and heavy in his arms, and any other time Kross would have been drunk on the simple closeness but now he was too worried.

Raguna was fine, Lara reassured them. He simply needed time to wake up on his own.

For a time Kross felt as if there was a small void around him, distorting the sounds of other people's voices before they reached him. Raguna was unhurt and breathing steadily but magic still clung to his clothes and skin, and Kross didn't trust it.

At some point Candy must have fetched her grandfather. Kross felt he had to ask about the magic clinging to Raguna. No one else seemed to notice it.

"That's just residue. It happens when you cast something in a hurry, or are just careless." Kanno did not sound like he thought highly of this unknown sorcerer. "He'll be fine. I'm surprised you're sensitive enough to notice."

As long as it wasn't hurting Raguna. That was all Kross cared about.

Mist was still missing. It was decided that Iris would lead Kanno back underground to look at the door, and Kross decided he had no choice but to go as well. It was clearly dangerous even for Raguna, who made a habit of that sort of thing. He didn't want to see another injury. He decided he didn't want Raguna to wake up to that, either.

It wasn't difficult to find their way safely through the ruins. The monsters all instinctively shied away from Kross. They would rather draw back into the corners to get away than fight. Any other time Kross would have felt loneliness clawing away at him inside his chest, but his errand was too urgent for that.

Iris led them to a stone door set in a small recess. It was closed tight and there was no trace of Mist.

Kross felt his skin crawl just looking at it. If there was a trap, Kanno was careful enough not to activate it. Nothing he did could open the door.

"I'll need to gather more information before proceeding," he finally decided.

Kross assumed they would be safe retracing their steps for the moment.

They were making the assumption that Mist was trapped behind the door. Kross was afraid to touch it himself, but there was rubble scattered here and there, and it was easy to find something to serve as a good battering ram.

The sound was of stone against stone, and the walls shook as if the door was only a carving on solid rock. Kross threw all of his strength against it, but the stone pillar broke in his hands without putting so much as a chip in the door.

He should not have assumed the noise would go unnoticed. He should have expected to look up and find Kanno's eyes round as an owl's behind his glasses. He had been spoiled by having Raguna accept his strength so easily.

Iris, at least, didn't look at him as if he had done something strange.

They returned, defeated by the stone door, to join the small crowd at Raguna's bedside. Raguna breathed slow and steady, still asleep. The traces of magic on him had thankfully faded to nothing.

Kross let himself be chased out by Kanno's questions. He was willing to trust Raguna to Lara's care. Right now he couldn't do anything for Raguna that wasn't already being done. Kross couldn't even serve as his guard monster.

 **Winter 2**

Shortly after Kross closed his door for the night he heard a knock. No one ever came to visit him in the evening, and yet he wasn't surprised to have Raguna on his doorstep. He was out of breath, but he pulled himself up straight to speak to Kross.

"I'm sorry to come so late. I wanted to see you."

"Sure." Kross stepped back automatically to let Raguna in.

"Candy said you brought me home. I meant to come visit you yesterday, but I still needed. . ." Raguna bowed his head slightly. "Thank you. You went looking for Mist, even in the cold."

"It's nothing." Even if the cold had been something to be endured he would have done so.

He coaxed Raguna to follow into his living area. He still had a fire lit to make dinner so it was a little warmer, and it seemed Raguna needed warmth now.

Raguna braced one hand on his bed, looking as if he might be ready to sit or even lie down, but he looked up at Kross and his face reddened slightly. He moved away with a quick, "Sorry. I shouldn't," even though he hadn't done anything.

"It's fine." Raguna was welcome to the bed if he needed it. He looked like he might collapse. Kross guessed he had exhausted himself searching, or perhaps fighting for Mist's sake.

Before he could find the words to ask, Raguna told him what had happened. "I found Mist. I found another way in, and I saw her. She's. . . Gelwein's using her to gather the spirits and I don't think she's even awake. She's trapped and I couldn't _reach_ her."

Kross took a few cautious steps towards Raguna. He tried to telegraph that his intent was comfort as he lay his hand on Raguna's arm.

"I couldn't do anything to help her, and I don't know where Gelwein disappeared to, and I have to wait for Kanno to find more information, but I. . ." Raguna was shaking with emotion, his expression pleading, as if he thought Kross could somehow help when he cried, "She's in pain!"

"She's alive."

There were tears in Raguna's eyes. It was clear it had never occurred to him that she might not be.

"She'll live, until you can find her." Kross moved with the same deliberate care to hold both of Raguna's shoulders. It was the most comforting he knew how to be.

He knew it wasn't enough, but Raguna still fell against his chest and clung to him as he forced out words that weren't quite a sob, "But someone needs to help her and I'm not doing anything."

Sometimes there was nothing to be done. Sometimes the distance was too great, or you weren't strong enough or fast enough to save someone you loved. Kross knew all of that, but he wouldn't say it while Raguna was halfway to crying in his arms. This wasn't a loss long ago etched on his heart. There was still hope, and he wanted Raguna to have that.

"You'll do what you can. Everyone will," Kross promised, not because he had faith in some kindness of fate but because he knew Raguna and he knew the villagers at least that much.

"Kross," Raguna whispered against his shoulder.

He didn't say anything else for several minutes. Kross certainly didn't know what to say. All he knew was Raguna was clinging to his shirt, face pressed into him. He simply held Raguna to him, wishing his hands could press strength and comfort into Raguna's body.

"I should go home. I should eat something and get back to work. I should be ready if I have to fight to get Mist back," Raguna finally said.

He didn't move at first. Kross didn't offer to let go of him, especially not when Raguna seemed to press closer for a moment.

When Raguna did finally ease out of his arms, Kross had to let him go.

"I think this is why I wanted to see you, Kross. I feel calmer now, like I can do what I need to do." Raguna leaned forward one more time and touched a soft kiss to Kross's cheek.

"I'll be here if you need me," Kross managed. If Raguna needed him, he would offer what he could freely.

 **Winter 5**

Kross wasn't used to having company up on a roof with him, but for Raguna he would make an exception. He worked a little more slowly than usual, waiting for Raguna to pass him new shingles as needed. It wasn't an urgent repair job this time, but overdue weather-proofing for the archives to ensure Selphy wouldn't have any trouble when the winter storms really started.

So far the weather had been mild. The afternoon sunshine could still warm his back, although it wasn't strong enough to relax Raguna.

Kross looked at his companion to find him gazing up at Whale Island again. He had spent the last few days fighting until he came back battered and exhausted. Kross suspected he was up here hiding from another one of Lara's worried lectures, but if Raguna was choosing his company he wasn't going to bring that up.

"Have you found anything?" Kross asked. He took a new shingle from the stack near Raguna's hand to replace a loose one. He had promised to look for Mist himself, but he was sure Raguna had already searched through the Snow Ruins, and anyway he hadn't found anything there.

"Kanno thinks he's found a way to get me to where Gelwein's taken Mist," Raguna answered. He pulled something from the pouch at his waist. "He asked me to give these to twelve maidens to grow."

Raguna held two seeds in his palm. The light slid over them oddly, as if they were really bits of polished stone.

"Who will you give them to?"

"The last two I think I should give to Iris Blanche and Iris Noire this evening, if they'll accept them. It seems like the right thing to do." Raguna closed his hand over the seeds and held them to his chest for a moment. "I wish I could grow one myself, but I'm so glad everyone has been helping, trying to get Mist back."

Kross wasn't surprised to see the village coming together to help one of their own. He hoped whatever this plan was it would work, ideally without Raguna recklessly putting himself in danger.

"Thank you, too. For helping to look for Mist."

"I didn't find anything."

"Even so, you still helped. I'm grateful."

Raguna slipped the seeds back into his pouch for safekeeping. When Kross moved up the roof to work on a new section, Raguna came with him. He seemed to have revived a little, looking at the work under their hands instead of staring into the sky. He handed Kross the next shingle and held his nails without prompting.

"I wonder what a crystal flower from Kross's soul would look like," Raguna said. He was smiling when Kross looked over at him.

Kross hadn't seen him smile in four days. It had never occurred to him how long that time could seem.

"What about your soul?" Kross countered.

"Hm, what do you think?"

Kross couldn't imagine distilling a person into a crystal, but when he looked into Raguna's eyes he was reminded of something beautiful. "Iolite."

"Am I that easy?" Raguna laughed. "I don't know what that is."

"Water-sapphire. Sailors use it to find their way," Kross clarified. He had only seen it once, but it had stuck in his mind. A deep blue that changed with the light and found the sun behind clouds so faithfully you could steer by it. As soon as he thought of that nothing else suited Raguna.

"And I still have no idea for you."

Raguna followed as he moved to the next area, meticulously giving attention to even small flaws. No matter what else was happening, nothing would be helped by allowing the archive roof to leak with winter settling in.

"Amber is a gem that comes from tree sap, isn't it? Maybe that's the most fitting for you, Kross." Raguna paused to think. "But I don't think it's a crystal. I don't know, then. If you were a maiden I would give you one of the seeds to find out," he teased.

Kross sighed. Everything else aside, he thought his soul had too many old flaws sunk into it to grow any kind of crystal. It was just as well Raguna couldn't offer him a seed. The result might shatter before it could be of any use.

"Would that be okay?"

"If you wanted to." Kross knew he wouldn't actually refuse if Raguna thought there was something he could do. Mist was part of the village, and he wanted to see her home safe as well.

"Thank you," Raguna said, even though he hadn't done anything at all. Kross felt he should be the one to be grateful, though he didn't know to who or what, because there was hope in Raguna's eyes.

 **Winter 8**

Raguna had not been at his farm on the last holiday, and Kross didn't think he had taken part in the (much subdued) Quiz Contest, either. Without the work of tending his fields to focus on, Kross chose to walk over to Raguna's homestead again, even knowing how unlikely it was that he would be there.

He heard Raguna's voice shouting from up by the clock tower, "I can't just give up like this!"

Raguna rushed by, down the road that ran by his farm towards the beach, and towards Mist's house. Kross followed, his body moving almost before he was aware of it.

They didn't go far. Raguna stopped in front of Mist's house. Kross stopped a few steps behind.

"There has to be some way to figure this out." Raguna turned to Kross as if he might know what to do. "We can't just give up, right?"

"What happened?"

"Even after Kanno found a way and everyone helped grow the crystal flowers we're one flower short, and we have no more seeds to grow another one. It's my fault, Kross."

"Where did you find the seeds?" Kross asked. He might not know anything about magic, but he did understand the simple process of obtaining seeds to grow crops.

Raguna shook his head and admitted, "I ran out without asking. I only know they're rare, but. . ." he trailed off as something caught his eye. He hurried into Mist's yard and stopped in front of a flower that was blooming in spite of the snow. It glittered, like crystal.

"It's the flower Mist was growing. . . Th-this is. . ." Raguna picked the flower and cradled it in both hands as if it were made of glass. "This is a crystal flower. With this we can find Mist!"

Raguna jumped the low fence in his rush to race back to the clock tower. Kross stepped in front of him at the last moment and forced him to stop short.

"You're going to fight a sorcerer."

"If I have to. I'm going to find Mist and bring her home! Kross, she's the only family I have. She's always been. . . Don't you want her to be safe too?"

Kross had a completely rational terror of sorcerers. He was lucky it didn't come up very often. It pushed its way up his spine now, like an impulse to run.

"Take me with you."

"I can't."

"You could take a monster to fight with you, like you do in the dungeons. Take me with you."

"No, Kross. I can't ask you to fight. You could get hurt." Raguna lay a hand on Kross's shoulder, and when he couldn't shift Kross out of the way he stepped around him.

Kross followed until Raguna said to him, very gently, "Will you stay here? Just in case something happens. Will you protect the other villagers, for me?"

Because he couldn't protect Raguna where he was going.

Kross accepted as if Raguna had laid a geas over him. He swallowed his terror-wrapped heart and stayed well back from the spirit energy as Raguna disappeared into an unknown world.

A small eternity passed, and then another. He thought Kanno tried to talk to him, but he could only shake his head. The man he loved had gone to face a sorcerer and he could think of nothing else.

Something like magic pulsed through the air. It stuck to his skin and Kross tried not to breathe deeply, not wanting the chalky feeling in his lungs. He could hear singing coming from far away but he couldn't identify the source.

For a moment Kross feared something really would happen. He had no weapon and his claws were blunted now from years of honest work, but he readied himself to defend his home.

Then Raguna was standing on the pedestal once again. He held Mist's hand tightly in his, leading the way as she stepped out of a shimmer of light and back into the real world.

The sense of magic in the room abruptly dropped until it was at a normal level, something one would only consciously notice during a drastic change.

"We're home!" Mist said it as cheerfully as if it had only been a short trip.

There was the sound of people running down the stairs outside. Before any of them could react the door burst open, spilling Cinnamon, Melody, and Lara into the room.

"You're back," Cinnamon gasped, sounding out of breath.

"We had to make sure. We already interrupted the magic lesson, anyway," Melody added.

"Raguna, you're hurt!" Lara clasped her hands together with concern. Kross thought she was the most reasonable one. Raguna didn't act like he was hampered by his injuries, but he'd clearly had a hard fight.

"That's right. You need to take better care of yourself," Mist scolded, which made Raguna laugh.

"If you come to the infirmary I'll do what I can," Lara told him.

"Thank you." Raguna stumbled as he stepped down from the pedestal and Mist had to support him as he almost fell. Her dreamy smile was lost in a flash of concern. It was obvious he was hurt more badly than he wanted to show.

Kross had been lurking beside the pedestal, watching for a threat that never appeared. Now at least he was close at hand to reach out and support Raguna.

"Oh, Kross! You must be here to help Raguna, right?"

Kross was more startled by Melody smiling at him and expecting the best of him than he had been by them rushing into the room.

"Yes. I can carry him," Kross answered softly. This answer was welcomed by all present. Raguna stretched an arm around his shoulders. Kross lifted him with the utmost care.

It was a very short walk to the infirmary. Lara and Cinnamon hovered around Mist, making sure she was none the worse for her ordeal. Raguna kept his arms around Kross's neck as he offered a token protest that he could at least walk if Kross would help support him.

At the door to the infirmary they met Anette, who rushed up the path so quicky Kross wasn't sure how she stopped without colliding into someone. "You made it back! I just finished my deliveries. I'll let everyone know right away."

"You must think I'm useless if I came back like this," Raguna said as Lara made him hold still so she could deal with his wounds.

"You came back," Kross told him.

"And you brought Mist back," Lara added. "And now we'll make sure you recover."

The infirmary was filling up with people. Selphy came to check on Raguna and was roped into holding bandages for Lara. Eunice kept offering to bring Raguna something to eat or drink, clinging to Uzuki's hand the whole time. He heard Rosetta over the crowd when she cried, "Do you have any idea how worried everyone was?"

"But I wasn't worried. I knew Raguna would find me."

He knew Raguna heard the exchange from the sheepish smile and the way he started to relax at last.

After only a few minutes of this Kross found he desperately wanted to escape. There were too many people and too many voices talking all at once. It felt like half the village had packed themselves into the infirmary.

As Kross was trying to decide on an escape route he heard his name called. Tabatha was standing close but not too close. She might have been there accompanying Bianca, but she was looking at Kross. He recognized in her serene face the gentleness of one looking to soothe a frightened monster.

"Will you please tell Stella what all the commotion is about? I'm sure she's wondering."

She was holding out an excuse to escape and Kross grabbed for it, not caring how awkward he managed to be as he did so.

The church was blessedly quiet without being too far from where Raguna was. At the moment that was very important to Kross.

Raguna followed him after some time. He smoothed a hand down Kross's arm and promised that it had helped to have Kross there as a guard. Kross didn't believe his words but he believed the love in the way Raguna moved to hug him, and that was enough.

Kross took care to hold Raguna gently, mindful of his wounds. Raguna had come back. He had brought Mist safely home. That was enough.

 **Winter 9**

In the morning the sky was heavy with clouds. They had eaten the top of the mountain and swallowed up Whale Island completely. The world was dim and hushed between grey clouds and drifts of snow.

The air didn't smell like snow yet, so Kross opened his windows to clean out the warm, stale air. Somehow he didn't anticipate that the resulting cross breeze would play havoc with his blueprints.

He was still collecting the wayward papers when Raguna arrived. He tried to help, fetching things from the shelf to use as paperweights. Kross noticed that there was soon a warrior medal on his table which had not been part of his collection before. He ran a finger down the outlandish tongue that dominated the carved face, not sure if he should say anything.

"Aren't you cold, Kross? It almost feels colder in here than outside."

"This is comfortable to me."

"You're tougher than I am. Are you from somewhere that gets very cold?"

It was an innocent question, and Kross found it was easy enough to answer even after his recent fears. "Yes. We had much more snow than this each winter. Winter storms could last several days."

"You must have been very busy with weather-proofing."

"I wasn't a carpenter back then. Since coming here, I've had to teach myself many things." What little he knew was not enough. Kross knew he had been a very poor apprentice. He had been set on becoming a monster hunter instead.

When he laid the foundations for his own home, Kross had tried to picture his father's face. He couldn't imagine joy that he had chosen to become a carpenter at last. The expression he saw was neither proud nor critical, too close to the expression his father had worn when told his only son intended to go off to fight. 'You must be sure before you start, Weber. This is not something that will be undone easily.'

Kross was sure of his choice to make his home here. Every year his certainty grew.

"That's really amazing. You know, everyone appreciates your work. You're the very best in Trampoli." Raguna reached for his hand, fingertips hooking with fingertips. His voice was warmed by an embarrassing mix of kindness and sincerity.

Kross sighed, but he wasn't opposed to Raguna's hand catching his.

"I actually wanted to ask you for something, since you are the best carpenter in town," Raguna said, neatly leading Kross away from his memories and back to the present.

"What do you need?"

"Iris is moving to town today. Both of them, I mean. They already have a place to stay at the inn, but I thought they might like some new furniture since the two of them are planning to share one room. I was going to buy them something as a welcome gift. I guess I need to ask for a favor, too. If it's not too much trouble, could you deliver it at night? That's when they're awake."

Kross remembered Iris, at least the one who had carried Raguna out of the Snow Ruins. He could do this small favor for her.

"What do you want me to make?"

Raguna wasn't sure, and ended up describing the set-up of their room. It seemed the two were happy sharing a room and a bed. They were happy sharing everything after so long apart. Rather than make a duplicate of anything, Kross thought it would be best to make them something new. The settee he designed was meant for two, of course. He built a chest into the simple, solid bench, and smoothed the back rest into a graceful but comfortable curve. If there was something he wanted to express it was only 'thank you.' Raguna would take care of welcoming them. He was good at that.

Kross built the simple piece of furniture with the thought that it would endure for many, many years.

When Raguna came back, just as the sun was setting, he happily admired Kross's work. Even if Kross had been commissioned and paid as normal, he wasn't quite used to being praised until his ears burned.

Both Iris Blanche and Iris Noire reminded him of Mist on a level that he couldn't explain even to himself. It was an impression they knew things just beyond human senses. He didn't think it was a bad thing.

Kross ignored the conversation as they got ready for their first night working at the tavern. He simply placed the settee carefully against one wall where space had been made for it.

"This is beautiful. Thank you."

Iris Noire was looking at his work rather than him. That made it easier for Kross. He was suddenly glad he had worked with both dark and light wood. It seemed fitting.

"It was Raguna's idea."

When Kross stepped back Iris Blanche was already moving her easel back into place.

"Did you start a new painting, Iris?"

"Yes. I wanted to paint because of the excitement of moving to town. What do you think?"

Raguna's smile was still kind, but slightly desperate. He started to sweat as if cornered. "It's very nice. Um. . ."

Kross moved to look. It was a bit like staring at clouds trying to find a picture in them. He was reminded of countless times humoring his youngest sister's efforts.

"Whale Island," Kross guessed before he noticed Raguna gesturing for him not to.

"Yes. I wanted to paint the view from town, since I hadn't seen it this way before."

Raguna visibly relaxed. "That's right. Kross is also an artist."

Kross didn't get a chance to ask what that had to do with anything. Raguna somehow led him down to the tavern as the two girls started their night's work. Almost as soon as Kross reluctantly took a place at one of the tables Raguna was stolen away from him.

Iris Blanche placed a cool glass of tomato juice next to him. "I'm glad I'm finally able to meet you. When he talked about Trampoli, Raguna always said you were a very kind person but you were also very quiet."

"Thank you for being a good friend to Raguna," Iris Noire added.

Kross looked up at Raguna in askance, but Raguna didn't notice.

Raguna had told him Iris had been very lonely. (Though he hadn't mentioned talking to them about Kross, of all people.) "If you want to live among people, I'm sure you will be happy here."

Their smiles were identical, lovely as the moon reflected on a calm lake. Kross honestly wanted them to be able to live happily in Trampoli. He just shied away from getting too involved.

Others were starting to come in for the evening. Turner was laughing and teasing Raguna that now he had his farm set up so well he should work on finding a lovely wife.

As Iris moved to look after the other customers, Kross slipped out of the tavern.

Cold, quiet air was a relief to him. Kross lifted his head to feel the wind on his face. Behind him there was the familiar sound of someone running through the snow.

"Kross!" Raguna rushed to catch up to him. His breath steamed the air. "I'm sorry. I know hanging around the tavern isn't what you usually like to do. Thank you for making them feel welcomed."

"It doesn't make any difference. Everyone in the village will welcome them."

"It makes a difference to them. It made a difference to me, you know."

He had said this enough times now that Kross could only believe him. "I'm glad," he whispered, surprising himself with the truth of it.

Yellow light spilled from the tavern's windows and across the path behind Raguna, but where they stood there was only the light of the moon on fresh snow. The world was silent and calm with just the two of them.

Kross put his hands on Raguna's shoulders. When he hesitated, Raguna leaned closer. A whisper of, "Will you kiss me?" was all he needed to finish what he started.

He felt Raguna smile. With the smallest shift, Raguna fit himself in Kross's arms as if he was made to belong there.

"I'm just grateful everyone's okay. Things are finally calming down. It feels like everything's going to be all right now."

Kross could certainly appreciate this. He let out a sigh of agreement and then kissed Raguna again.

For a little while he was able to monopolize Raguna, the two of them clinging close together in the peaceful night.

 **Winter 10**

Kross took one look back, long enough to catch a glance and a smile from Raguna. He had to trust that Raguna would be all right.

If it had been Brodik that Raguna was fighting, he never could have left Raguna there alone. Such a large Golem was dangerous, of course, but nothing close to the danger Kross had feared he would find when he followed Raguna into the Green Ruins. When Brodik returned to finally challenge Raguna to a fight he could not stand back and let that happen. He had arrived just in time to see Brodik incapacitated by his own monster.

He knew Raguna was strong from exploring and fighting monsters nearly every day. Kross told himself that Raguna would come back safely, and concentrated on getting Brodik out of the ruins and to the infirmary, as he had promised.

Lara looked up in surprise when he stepped into the infirmary with Brodik slung over one shoulder.

"What happened? Is he unconscious? Lay him down here, Kross."

Kross lay Brodik down (more gently than he might have, in difference to Lara's concern) and stepped out of the way to let her check the bump on his head.

"What happened?" she asked again, looking to him for an answer.

For a moment Kross considered holding his tongue. He doubted Raguna would lie, but he would likely try to downplay certain things so as not to cause trouble for Brodik. He knew Raguna would want to keep the peace, but Kross still told what he knew.

"He challenged Raguna to fight him in the Green Ruins. He was waiting with a Golem, but when he told it to attack Raguna, it hit him instead." Raguna would not have wanted him to put it so bluntly, but he had already let this go too far without saying anything. "Raguna is still fighting the Golem. He'll be here soon."

Lara looked up from selecting herbs from her stock with open dismay on her face. "You were there with Raguna, weren't you? It's not like you to leave him behind!"

"I went to make sure of Raguna's safety," Kross admitted. Even this morning he hadn't let himself be completely sure of Brodik's strength. He had worried about the outcome if Raguna held back for fear of hurting Brodik when Brodik had no reason to do the same. Against that Golem he knew Raguna would triumph. Kross let out a hint of a self-deprecating laugh. "He's strong. I'm going to have faith in him."

"I suppose you're right. I do wish he wouldn't get into such dangerous situations," Lara sighed.

Kross retreated to being a silent shadow against the wall.

After a moment of mutual silence as she went through the steps to make up some sort of poultice for the wound on Brodik's head, Lara spoke again. "I'm being unfair to you. I'm grateful you got Brodik here safely. I can't expect you to carry both of them back."

He could have, though being harassed by a Golem at the same time might have been a bit too much. Kross didn't mention this.

"I'm sure Raguna will come here as soon as he's finished," Lara said, with an air of confidence that bolstered Kross's own.

Stella came in after a few minutes. Lara had probably told her what was happening when she went to fetch more herbs, but Kross had known her long enough to imagine that she simply knew when one of the villagers was injured.

He waited for Raguna to come back and he waited for Brodik to wake. Of course, it didn't take long for Raguna to deal with the Golem and rush to the infirmary. Kross hadn't expected that it would.

"How is Brodik?"

"He's asleep. Fortunately, his injuries aren't too bad. He should be able to recover after resting a little."

"That's good to hear." Raguna moved in between Lara and Stella to get a better look. Then he looked up at Kross and smiled. He didn't even notice the expectant look Stella was fixing him with at first.

"What happened?" Stella asked. She was perfectly calm and yet Raguna shifted guiltily.

Kross sighed. He knew he couldn't hide anymore. He had known from the moment he saw that Brodik had challenged Raguna to fight at last. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault."

Raguna looked at him, but Kross suddenly couldn't meet his eyes. "Kross. . . ? Why are you apologizing?"

"He. . . Brodik is a special agent from the Zzyzx Empire."

"What's a special agent from Zzyzx doing here?" Stella's question reminded Kross that he hadn't deceived only Raguna.

"A few years ago, a soldier defected from the army. He was in the special agent unit, but he was sick of his work. Sick of deceiving and hurting. . . He drifted to a small village in the frontier lands and wanted to live in peace on a farm. But the Zzyzx Empire would not let him off so easily. They believed it would be bad if sensitive information were leaked so they sent someone after him."

"And that's Brodik?"

"Yes. But, he made one crucial mistake. He thinks you, Raguna, are that escaped soldier. The real one is elsewhere."

Perhaps Brodik had already been awake during his whole explanation, but he only came alive at those words. "It can't be!"

"Brodik! You'll reopen your wounds if you do that!" Lara moved to push him back into bed, but he didn't seem to notice. He ignored Lara and Stella, ignored Kross as if he were no more than a ghost. He still had eyes only for Raguna.

"If the real AWOL soldier isn't him, then what are you, Raguna?!"

"Raguna is just a civilian."

"But the search bulletin said the man had dark hair, blue eyes, and was skilled with the sword."

"There is another person in this village that fits that description."

"Then. . ." Brodik finally let himself be pushed back. He seemed to have lost the will to fight.

"Yes. Former Zzyzx Empire special agent, Weber. That is _my_ previous name, Brodik."

Finally, Brodik dragged his eyes away from Raguna. He looked at Kross, and for the first time looked past the thin curtain of his hair and truly saw him. "But. . . Then what have I been doing all this time. . . ?"

"If only I had told you sooner." Kross looked away from Brodik to Raguna. "I really must apologize to you, Raguna."

Brodik, Stella, and Raguna. Kross felt his fate lay in the hands of those three, and now they all knew the truth. He couldn't hide anymore. He could only submit to their judgement now.

For the moment Brodik had been left reeling. "But that. . . I'm sorry. . . Please leave me alone for now."

When Raguna moved to speak to Brodik, Kross lay a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

"But," he protested softly, looking to Kross instead. Perhaps he thought Kross had more answers, but Kross was spent.

As he guided Raguna out of the infirmary, urging him through the passage into the church, he was surprised to realize he didn't want to run. He only wanted to take their judgements one at a time, if he could.

"Kross, are you all right?" He somehow didn't expect Raguna looking at him as if he might need help. He wasn't the one who'd been called out and forced to fight a Golem.

Kross let out a long sigh. "I suppose you know the truth now."

"Kross?"

That was the name he had taken for himself, the man he had decided to become. He had abandoned his old self. He couldn't forget, but he had hoped to remove himself from his past and set down his roots where he could live in peace.

His past had come looking for him, and he couldn't duck his head and hide anymore. He owed that much to Raguna, if no one else. "Now you know about the man named Weber, who he was, and who he is now." He knew Brodik had called Raguna by that name, and he had not confessed then. "You must think him a coward, who fled the army and lied to you."

"I'm not sure I know someone named Weber," Raguna said thoughtfully. "Although, I don't think I have a very good description to go on. An ex-solider who wanted to be a farmer. A man with dark hair and blue eyes, who was very strong. I suppose I could say I know a farmer like that."

Kross was frozen, expecting condemnation, but Raguna continued without cutting him down, "You might not even notice his blue eyes at first, if he doesn't look up. He's the kind of person who works seriously in his fields without stopping. He's amazingly strong, and he uses that strength to build wonderful things.

"He's not perfect, of course. He works himself into heat exhaustion sometimes. Sometimes I worry he forgets to eat. He never comes to festivals, and he rarely looks for company. People almost forget about him, like he's a ghost on the edge of town. But when you get to know him he's kind, and he's thoughtful. I know with everything he builds he thinks of those who will live there, humans and monsters. He's a good man, though I'm not sure he realizes that." Raguna slowly moved closer until he was speaking almost into Kross's ear "And this man I know. . . I have to confess, I love him."

Kross let out a soft grunt, as if he had been punched in the gut. He didn't move. He closed his eyes, feeling Raguna's breath against the side of his face.

"I do love him," Raguna repeated, "Very much. I suppose it's not impossible he is the same person, but I can only tell you about the man I know."

Kross felt struck down by Raguna's tender words. It should have been easier with Raguna speaking as if he were only himself, not his past. Maybe it was easier, but at a time like this it was almost unbearable to have Raguna describe him as the person he had wanted to be through all his seasons in Trampoli.

"It was a terrible description to go looking for someone with, wasn't it?" Raguna added after a moment, gently inviting him to laugh. "No wonder he thought it was me."

"You wouldn't have liked Weber."

He wondered if Raguna would have recognized him. Weber was a man who had walked into Hell on Earth through stubborn loyalty and saw nothing come of it. Kross remembered Weber as a man who took too long to step away from being a weapon and choose something good and right.

Remembering himself as Weber reminded him that he was something incompatible with being a farmer, or a carpenter, or a lover. But even if he wasn't made for any of those things, even if they weren't meant for him, those were the places Kross lost himself and found himself again. He was rooted in earth and wood, and that was the closest he had to belonging.

Raguna paused for a second, and Kross tensed, waiting for him to try to smooth this over as well, but instead he stepped back as if to better study Kross. Kross had to meet his eyes again, and he could only think that those beautiful eyes never should have been mistaken for his.

"Maybe I wouldn't, since it seems there are parts of him you aren't fond of. But I like you. That's what I'm trying to tell you. When I look at you I don't see this person you think I won't like. I see the person I know."

It felt like a blessing. It was the life he had worked for laid out clearly before him.

Stella cleared her throat and saved him from trying to kiss Raguna in the church.

"Raguna, please wait a moment. I have something for you."

Kross met Stella's gaze evenly. He was prepared to be judged. She had never asked him about his past since the day he woke up in her church. The most he had told her was that he couldn't continue as the person he had been and he was looking for a place to start over.

Somehow he had gained a place without ever attending a confessional or laying out the nature of his sins for Stella to see. He knew she hated dishonesty and she hated violence. She would already know that he had hurt others in the past. Now he would see what would change with his past brought to light.

"Thank you for bringing Brodik here. We'll see he recovers from this bout of idiocy. And thank you for looking after Raguna."

Kross waited to be condemned, but when no judgement came he finally had to ask, "Do you regret harboring a soldier who told you nothing of his past?"

"I believe that if a man wanted to start a new life in a farming village, the best thing he could do would be to care for those around him. That is exactly what I would have hoped for you to do, Kross. You are welcome here."

Tears stung in his eyes. He had never expected to feel like he was being accepted all over again.

"If you are still troubled, you can always speak to me."

Kross was not surprised that she knew he still wasn't ready to speak in detail. He might never be, but she was offering him the time he needed. "Thank you, Sister."

Raguna hesitated, then moved to talk to Stella. Kross expected that he would be receiving a few stiff reminders not to be so reckless, and left to give him some privacy. Stella was forgiving, but she worried about the villagers even more firmly than Lara.

Once outside Kross stopped. He didn't mean to stop and wait, but he did. His feet didn't want to move. He gazed up into the grey sky with his mind almost meditatively blank, letting snowflakes brush his face.

A few minutes later Raguna came trotting out of the church, nearly tripping over his own feet as he stuffed a paper in his bag. He looked up, caught Kross looking at him, and his face suddenly went red.

In spite of his embarrassment, he caught Kross's hand. He let Kross adjust once again to the fact of his hand being held.

"Thank you for waiting."

 **Winter 11**

Kross saw Brodik give Anette the letter, and it wasn't difficult to guess who and what it was for. He at least understood stubborn pride. He understood the need to see things through.

He didn't intercept the letter. He didn't interfere.

He did make his own way to the Green Ruins a second time. He had been there often in the first few years he had lived in Trampoli. They stayed warm even under the frozen ground, locked in eternal spring. He had gone to scavenge bamboo shoots and wild grasses when he hadn't been able to grow enough to survive the winter. Every so often he'd even had the luck to find spring vegetables or rice.

Wild monsters ran away from him. He moved slowly to give them time to escape, and soon nothing stood between him and the arena where Brodik waited.

"I know you didn't come to take his place, and I doubt he asked you to be his second. The sister said you were a pacifist." Brodik glanced at Kross, but most of his attention stayed on the doorway where Raguna could be expected to appear. His hand remained on his hilt, as if his opponent might burst in and immediately start the battle.

Kross could have ignored the obvious question, but there didn't seem to be a point to retreating into himself anymore. "I came to watch your duel."

"Seems like you want to interfere again."

"Do you intend to kill him?"

"No!" Brodik bellowed at him. The ruins echoed his denial for several seconds.

Kross had known without asking. He could sense the Retornen worked into Brodik's blade, meant for dealing with monsters and almost-monsters, not for harming humans.

"Then you have nothing to fear from me."

Brodik let out a sharp bark of a laugh. "You really did became a pacifist, huh? And they told me the man I was hunting was dangerous."

The way he said that got Kross's curiosity up, but he didn't comment. He would rather wonder if Brodik ever knew what he was than ask and make sure that he did.

"In case you think not bringing you back with me is a concession because of my mistake: I don't feel any pang of conscience leaving you here. Obviously you're just another farmer living peacefully alongside his neighbors. I can't see you as a danger. That's the only reason."

Kross's laugh surprised even him. He had thought monster hunters were skilled at identifying dangerous elements. Maybe Brodik's assessment was right. He had settled himself into this life without violence or anger, after all. He would never wish to harm one of the people who lived around him.

"My sister told me the only good men were farmers and craftsmen." Noel, ever aware of her position as the oldest and therefore only mature one, had lectured him with a mix of love and frustration. It was true that their father had been a carpenter, a good and dependable man. Her husband had been a farmer, with all the same virtues. But it was obvious all that mattered was that he not become a soldier. She had been afraid he would never come home, and she had been right.

Brodik's only comment was a low grunt.

They both fell silent after that. There didn't seem to be anything to say, so they listened to the small sounds of the monsters living in the ruins.

Then Kross heard the familiar sound of running footsteps. He had never doubted Raguna would appear to meet Brodik's challenge. Perhaps it was unfair of him to ask this of Raguna, but he could see that fighting him would have no meaning for Brodik now.

If he feared for Raguna's life, that would have been different. He could no longer find the fear that had lived under his breastbone through last autumn.

It was a duel between two men who were more accustomed to fighting monsters than other humans. They read each other's movements, countered, rebounded, circled each other. In the future Kross would be able to picture Raguna fighting, strong and agile. He would also be able to picture the vulnerable places in Raguna's guard.

There was no temptation to break his word and interfere. Raguna managed a decisive victory.

He didn't need to worry about Brodik, either, judging by the loud laughter after he was knocked to the ground. By the time Kross made his way back to the platform Brodik had already dragged himself to his feet, ignoring Raguna's hand.

"Sorry to have caused you so much trouble. I'll just report to my superiors that our target wasn't here."

Even if he had said something similar before, Kross had trouble believing it. "Are you sure? If another person comes and finds me, it will be bad for you."

Brodik started laughing again. "I lived next to you all this time and didn't notice. I doubt others will find you any easier!"

Kross didn't know how to respond to that when he knew the price of his invisibility.

"See ya, Raguna. I'll write to you when things settle down."

As Brodik turned to go, Raguna called after him, "Brodik! Take care."

"You, too."

Kross felt lightheaded, but at the same time there was still a weight on his heart. It was over now, but Raguna had been so kind to him. He had put off passing judgement for so long. "Raguna, I really caused you so much trouble. I don't know how to apologize to you."

"It's nothing! I'm just glad the misunderstanding is cleared up. Besides, I feel like I got to know you a little better, Kross." Raguna's hand caught his and laced their fingers together. "Let's go home."

Raguna must have noticed how the monsters scurried out of their way, but he didn't say anything. He simply kept moving, half a step ahead as if he was leading Kross up to the light of day.

"You want to know more about me?"

"Of course I do. Is that okay? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Ask."

Raguna hesitated before picking a question from what must have been an impossible number. "You were a special agent, like Brodik. Is that why you're so strong?"

"I'm not like Brodik. You saw the tattoo on his arm. That crest means he's a monster hunter. He protects people by dealing with rampaging monsters and other dangerous things. I. . ." Kross didn't know how to explain, where to begin. 'Special agent' meant something different for him. It did say that he was strong, a thing apart, but not the same way.

"That's right. He did say there was a dragon nearby he wanted to deal with."

Raguna gave him a stretch of silence, time to struggle with the old thoughts littering his mind. When he didn't say anything more Raguna stepped in front of him and turned all in one motion, so that Kross walked into his arms.

"It's okay."

Kross let out a short, mirthless laugh, but hugged Raguna in return.

"It's okay," Raguna repeated firmly. "You belong here. You're home."

"This is your home," Kross responded. At that moment they were on Raguna's homestead, across from his barn.

"You know what I mean."

Kross wasn't surprised to find that yes, he thought he understood very well.

 **Winter 12**

Raguna was watching him mending his fence. Kross was enjoying the company, especially since this meant Raguna didn't mind being with him even after a night to think things over.

"Kross?" Raguna finally called to get his attention. "You said one of the extensions you could make on the house would be a bedroom. Um, I don't know if you have any plans drawn up already, but if there's something you think would be suitable I would like that."

Kross paused in his work and lifted his head to look at Raguna. He only had one set of plans for this prepared. "I could do that. With a second floor expansion I could move you bedroom upstairs. It would be much roomier." A second floor seemed more private, though he thought the price and the lumber involved might turn Raguna away.

"I think I'm running out of things I can ask you to build," Raguna told him, instead.

It seemed he was still enjoying living in a house improved by Kross's hands. Kross wouldn't mind remodeling one section after another until the entire farmhouse was a patchwork of his plans. Then he would rest on the thought that Raguna lived in a house he had rebuilt piece by piece.

For now he would be sufficiently pleased just knowing Raguna slept in an extension he had built himself. He focused on something clean and homey, not open like the space Raguna had been sleeping in before, but not claustrophobic. He wanted to build his thoughts into the wood itself, let this be a place where Raguna could rest until even the worst exhaustion was gone.

Kross waited until he was done to spare a thought for the possibility that he might spend another night here someday, if Raguna would have him.

 **Winter 13**

Snow was falling in fat, soft flakes from the moment Kross woke up. He intended to stay home and do some carpentry work on such a peaceful day. Rita wanted some new chairs for the tavern, and he thought he would finish them today.

In the middle of the afternoon Raguna interrupted to admire his work. He loved how sturdy the things Kross made were. His smile still managed to fluster Kross enough that it was difficult to respond. (Even more so when Raguna realized he was a distraction for Kross and laughed and kissed him in apology.)

Finally Raguna extended the invitation that had led him there in the first place. "Melody said we can use the outside bath, even though it's snowing today. I thought this way there would be no steam to bother you. And if it's too hot you can just climb out into the snow. You like the snow, right?"

Kross wasn't sure he wanted another hot bath, but he decided he was willing to try it one more time if he was going with Raguna.

It was easier to breathe outside. Snowflakes drifted down, melting before they touched the water. Kross tilted his head back to watch them fall as he held Raguna's hand tightly under the water.

There was a long scar down Raguna's back that hadn't been there before, from his fight to rescue Mist. There was a part of Kross that wanted to touch it and whisper his thanks that Raguna had survived and healed. He couldn't do such a thing when Raguna was being so gentle with him by not asking about his own scars.

"The snow is so beautiful. It's nice to be able to enjoy it while staying nice and warm, isn't it?" Raguna said, getting his attention before he moved closer so that his shoulder pressed against Kross's.

"I've never minded the cold. It feels comfortable to me. Heat is what makes me feel weak." Perhaps it came from being born in the mountains, and in the middle of a storm.

Heat brought him back to the worst times. It weakened his body and muddled his senses, so that something could hit him wrong and knock him out of his life and into his memory.

"Hm. If you were a monster, I suppose you would be resistant to cold. I might find you in the Snow Ruins."

Kross instinctively ducked to hide his smile, only to feel Raguna push his hair back just enough to expose him.

"I wonder if I could tame Kross and take him home," Raguna teased.

"I'm sure you could. Heh. . . Would you want to?"

"Of course I would want to." Raguna leaned close enough to kiss the tip of Kross's nose. "I'll have to take very good care of my dear Kross in the summer."

Kross couldn't even try to hide the smile pulling at his mouth.

He didn't feel sick this time. He survived, even if his skin did flush red. He thought it was because he could breathe properly. He even let Raguna kiss his arm and chest with his skin still sensitive from the heat.

"I wanted to tell you, thanks to the extension you built I was able to buy a bigger bed from Lute. Now if you want to stay over again there's room for you."

Kross couldn't look at Raguna. He didn't want to think about the emotions working their way across his face.

Raguna didn't seem to mind. He slipped deftly in front of Kross, his smile deceptively innocent. "I just wanted to offer, so you know you're welcome any time."

 **Winter 16**

Kross woke to the unfamiliar warmth of another person's body heat. Raguna was still sleeping beside him, his arm draped over Kross's waist.

Last night the snow had been falling hard enough for them to guess there would be a storm, but that wasn't what had convinced him to stay the night. The feeling of Raguna's arms around him had made a far better case.

The last thing Kross remembered from the night before was Raguna pulling the comforter up over his shoulders. It was cold, and it would be warmer with two. In spite of his feelings of trepidation, Kross had slept deeply at Raguna's side, lulled by the sound of the wind. His dreams had been no more than the dim grey shapes of ghosts.

Raguna finally stirred and touched a sleepy kiss to his cheek.

"I don't think we're going outside for a little while. What do you want to do today?"

Honestly, Kross wasn't sure he wanted to let go of Raguna at all. After another minute of cuddling he was thwarted by Raguna laughing and squirming free.

"Come on. I'm going to warm up some breakfast."

Apple pie for breakfast seemed extravagant to Kross, but Raguna insisted it was fine since this was their day off.

As Kross licked his finger and picked up the last stray flecks of crust from his plate he had a moment to think that this was his life now, settled as a farmer and a carpenter, and quietly eating breakfast with someone he loved. It wasn't something he might have imagined in any of the phases of his life that had come before. It wasn't something he would trade away for any of his old dreams, either.

"I actually wanted to send some with Brodik when he left, but of course I made too much. I think it's the only thing I gave him that he actually liked. Well, he was still annoyed, but I think that's just his habit now. But it made me think, if there's something you miss eating maybe I could . . ." They were sitting close together at the corner of the table, so it was easy for Raguna to reach over and touch his hand. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to push."

Kross had not expected to be shaken by such a small comment, but to have Raguna notice was a much bigger surprise.

"It's fine."

"I want to know more about you, but I don't even know what I want to ask. I don't know what you'd be willing to tell me. Maybe I shouldn't ask at all. Isn't it better if I wait until you can choose what you want to tell me?"

"What if I choose not to tell you anything?"

"That's your right. You wanted to start a new life here. Knowing the person you are now is more important to me."

"You're free to ask, although I might not answer," Kross sighed, taking a moment to steady himself. He had already let Raguna past his outer defenses. He still wasn't used to having someone so close.

"Why did you chose the name 'Kross?'" Raguna asked, probably thinking it was a question with an easy answer.

"The man who was named Kross also had dark hair and blue eyes," he told Raguna. "No one could have mistaken him for me, but we had that in common." When he had been struggling to think of a name to give Stella he had remembered Kross pointing to his eyes and saying, 'That's rare around here. I was the only one with blue eyes back home.' They were alike only by the vaguest description, but he had hoped that one common detail might be enough to convince God to pass over the deception.

There was no inherent connection between them that anyone outside would see. No one would ever link him back to another undistinguished corpse. There might not be anyone left alive who would remember Kross apart from him.

"Was he a friend of yours?"

"He was the kind of person that monsters liked. He was the one I told I wanted to leave and start a farm somewhere peaceful. He always wanted to find a place like that too. I promised I would build him a barn." Kross had been brash and pigheaded, but always dependable. Kross had laughed the loudest, both in joy and in grim determination. Kross had dreamed of a barn full of healthy monsters he raised himself, until that dream had been burned to ash along with everything else.

That Kross was long dead. Only his name was left behind, taken by the man who would never be Weber again.

"He sounds like a good person," Raguna murmured.

Kross watched Raguna reach towards him again and then pause. I wasn't until then that he realized he had gone tense. He couldn't seem to force himself to relax, to show Raguna that he was safe to touch. He had to resort to whispered words, "It's all right. You can touch me if you want."

Raguna still moved slowly, letting Kross track him every inch of the way until he lay his hand on Kross's arm. There was kindness and sympathy there Kross doubted he had it in him to fully understand. He wouldn't feel threatened by Raguna's hands, leaving aside moments when he was dizzy with heat sickness. These were the steady hands of a farmer. He saw them farming, tending, cooking, crafting. . . these were hands that encouraged plants and tamed monsters.

"I never saw you as a swordsman." That had been bothering him for some time. How could Brodik see Raguna as someone like Weber when he only held out his hands in kindness to neighbors and strangers? "I can't understand how Brodik could have picked you."

"I haven't seen you hold a sword since I met you," Raguna reminded him. "I'm not sure anyone else in the village has, either. I'm the only one who carries a sword around. It's not strange that he focused on me, is it?"

When Kross was silent, settling his world around this new realization, Raguna gave him a playful smile. "Or are you offended he mistook an amateur swordsman like me for you?"

"You fought well." Maybe Raguna's self-taught style wasn't perfect, but he had approached the fight seriously and worn Brodik down without injuring him.

Kross didn't think he had the right to say he had gone to that particular fight armed. Even though he had said he thought this was something that needed to be settled, he would not have watched it end with Raguna injured.

He didn't want to kill Brodik, even with the danger he presented, but somehow it was easier to place the mercy at Raguna's feet. He loved Raguna so deeply, and Raguna wouldn't want to see Brodik killed, so Kross had gone armed. A weapon charmed with Retornen couldn't seriously harm Brodik the way his raw strength would.

"How do you think of me?" Raguna asked. Kross had gone off in thought about who he might be for Raguna, and Raguna had to prompt him, "If you never saw me as a swordsman, how did you think of me?"

"Someone who tends. . ." they had a word for that here, didn't they? "Earthmate. Someone who tenderly raises crops and monsters. Everything good comes from your hands."

"That's a little embarrassing. Sometimes you think too highly of me."

Kross didn't believe that for a second, and Raguna's hand rubbing soothingly over his arm didn't change his mind.

"I see you the same way, Kross. Good things come from your hands. You're always building or farming. I'm glad you were able to come here and start your farm, and I'm glad I met you."

Kross didn't protest. He wanted it to be true.

 **Winter 17**

The second time he woke in Raguna's arms it was still disorienting. He lay for a little while in the stillness that came with gentle snow, enjoying the simple feeling of being close to Raguna. Kross was happy to stay where he was until Raguna woke and stretched.

The simple routine of getting ready for the day was scattered with many more kisses than Kross had expected, but he wasn't complaining. He was willing to be tempted into an hour of shared affection.

"Would you come help me look after the monsters?" Raguna asked as they cleaned up from breakfast.

"I'm not sure I should. . ." He wouldn't want to upset Raguna's monsters for anything, but the last time hadn't they accepted his presence because Raguna was there?

"There are some new ones I'd like you to meet, if you have time. Please?"

Kross vowed to stay close to Raguna, and gave in to temptation.

They were greeted by one of the new barn inhabitants. Raguna sighed and went to pet the Blood Panther sitting in the middle of the front room. "Good morning, Beauty. I hope you stay inside with your friends sometimes." As the panther pushed her head into his hand like an affectionate kitten he told Kross, "She always comes out here to greet me, not just when I have a guest. She just phases sideways through the door to her room. At first I was worried she was too warm, but. . ."

"She's your guard monster. This is a good place for her to be."

"I know, but there's nothing to guard against right now."

Kross felt vindicated to know that Raguna was aware there had been something to guard against before. He had worried about that.

"She cares for you." Normally it would take a long time to gain the trust of such a powerful monster, and this one was older and scarred from past battles, but Raguna seemed to have completely won her over. He could relate.

Raguna smiled, sheepish but still happy. "Lets go in so you can meet everyone, okay?"

There were two Woolys now, curled up in one bundle of fuzz. Kross remembered how even with their large barn to spread out in the Woolys his mother raised would all fall asleep in a pile.

Most of the monsters perked up the moment Raguna entered the room. They didn't push or fight for his attention, but each oriented hopefully towards him to be brushed and fussed over. Kross stayed close and was sure not to make any sudden moves. A few of the new arrivals looked at him as if he was some strange new creature their human had found on a whim, not a frightening thing.

"Here, Kross. You can give Bossy her treat. She likes you."

She liked him at least enough to daintily take the treat from his hand and then shove her nose against his chest in search of more. Raguna's smaller Buffamoo, Fussy, leaned heavily against his side, having apparently decided he must have a treat for her as well. Kross petted both of them, scritching his fingers gently thought wiry manes.

He only turned to ask Raguna for another treat because Fussy was looking at him so tragically. He must have moved too suddenly or gotten too close. He didn't know. All he knew was that one of Raguna's monsters, a diminutive red dragon, suddenly shrieked and snapped at him.

Kross backed up as abruptly as he could while surrounded by monsters, some of which were already shying away from the startling disturbance.

In a moment Raguna was there between them, kneeling in front of his monster. It was in the middle of a threat display with no attention to spare for anyone but Kross, the enemy.

"Kross, are you hurt? Did he bite you?" Raguna looked back at him, eyes wide with shock.

Kross couldn't stay any longer. He retreated from the room, even as Raguna called after him to wait.

He knew Raguna wouldn't follow when his monsters needed him more. He knew it made him a coward to take advantage of that and run.

Kross almost forgot that there was a monster still in the entryway. As the door swung shut, cutting off Raguna's voice pleading for him not to go, Beauty phased sideways away from him in a cloud of smoke.

This put her directly between Kross and the front door.

Kross hardened his heart and took a step towards her, then another, expecting her to bolt away from him. He knew it would only prove he didn't belong near Raguna's monsters. Then he could leave and never return.

Not only did Beauty not flee from him, she sat down where she was. She was the picture of a perfect guard monster. It was as if she knew he would never be able to force her from her post.

"You're supposed to keep things like me out, not in." Did she understand that Raguna didn't want him to go? Or was she merely suspicious of his movements when he was unchaperoned? Shouldn't she be protecting Raguna and the others from him?

Kross stopped close enough to touch her, but he didn't dare do so.

"Why aren't you afraid of me?" Kross whispered, his voice stretched thin enough to break.

The next moment Raguna caught up to him.

"I'm so sorry, Kross. Are you hurt anywhere?"

There was a wound on his hand, barely more than a scratch and already closed up. Raguna found it and kissed it.

Kross retrieved his hand. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have come."

"No, it's not. It's because I only just tamed him. I thought he had settled in, but he must not have been ready to meet someone new. It's not your fault, Kross. I should have been more careful."

"This is normal. Monsters can't stand to be around me."

Beauty brushed by his leg on her way to shove herself against Raguna's knee in a demand for attention.

"That's not true. I've never seen them unhappy around you. I wouldn't have asked you to come if I thought it would upset them. You know that."

Kross shook his head. He knew Raguna would never do something cruel to his monsters and yet it couldn't be true. It must be a mistake. He could only whisper, "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong. It's okay, Kross. It's going to be okay."

Kross's eyes burned. He could barely breathe. Raguna was stroking his hair and his back and cooing reassurances over and over, and the next thing he knew he was on his knees, cradled against Raguna's chest.

This must be how it felt to be tamed, Kross thought distantly. It was like his heart had been emptied out and filled up again with an overwhelming certainty that he was loved.

"I'm here," Raguna was whispering. "What's wrong? What can I do to help?"

Kross didn't want to pull himself away from the quiet, meditative place he had fallen into. He heard Raguna fussing over the monster beside him, telling her what a good guard she was and brushing her head as she wiggled in delight. She was so close Kross could have laid a hand on her side. She didn't care how close Kross was while Raguna was there.

"I don't understand. Monsters have been afraid of me for so long. Why only yours. . . ?"

"Maybe it's only wild monsters, ones that aren't used to humans?"

"No. Francoise doesn't like having me around. It was always the same before. I was so used to it, I forgot how much it hurt."

"Oh, Kross."

"Is it because you love me? Is it because you tell them I'm safe?" He could read it in Raguna's body language that Raguna cared for him and trusted him. It was such a natural thing, he didn't think Raguna was even aware of what he was doing.

Raguna laughed softly. "I'm not sure. It would make me happy, though, for everyone to love you. I guess it's because I love you that I can't help thinking it must be you. You deserve to be loved."

Kross clung to Raguna's shoulders. He knew this wasn't a happiness he could find on his own, and yet he had felt it. It was real. Having one monster react badly to him finally drove home the fact that the others didn't.

"It's all because of you."

"Kross. . ."

"I thought I would never be close to monsters again, and you made it possible."

"Then I hope you'll come again. I'll put Scorch in a different room just to be safe. I want you to be able to visit. I can tell how much you love the monsters."

Kross nodded once. His head felt so heavy he needed to rest against Raguna's shoulder after that.

He could see the monsters again. With Raguna there, he truly believed that.

 **Winter 19** (Hotpot Convention)

Raguna understood by now that Kross didn't take part in the festivals. Instead of asking Kross to come with him, he pulled Kross into his warm barn to spend the morning surrounded by contented monsters. (He was deliberately working to see Kross and his monsters getting along now, and Kross might not be able to repay that but he had stopped resisting.)

When Raguna asked for something he had grown, if there was anything Kross could spare, he should have known Kross would have given him anything. Raguna had to promise that turnips for the communal hotpot and a kiss for himself were more than enough.

Kross was allowed to keep his comfortable routine and come home to find Raguna waiting. The kiss he had given that morning was returned. His small contribution was answered with a bowl of the stew that had been put together by the entire village.

"I don't think Tabatha would have let me leave without something for you," Raguna told him as he ate.

He knew the boiled egg was Raguna's contribution, but he found himself wondering which tastes represented a contribution from which villager. There was a hearty mix of fish and vegetables. Herbs he couldn't name mixed with sweet chunks of apple.

"It's an interesting mix, isn't it? You didn't get to see it put together, so I'm curious what you can taste." Raguna invited him to play along.

Kross did pause and try to untangle the taste in his mouth. Some rich almost-familiar flavor mixed in with the soup stock. "Chocolate?"

He had to be wrong. Raguna was laughing.

"I wouldn't have thought you could tell! It does have an interesting taste, doesn't it?"

"Lute?" Kross guessed.

"Nope! That was Erik's idea."

To please his friend, Kross assumed. That made it more complex. If people weren't putting in their own favorite foods (and so few of the villagers he knew anything about their likes or dislikes anyway), but were instead choosing something to please someone else. . .

"I think because someone told him chocolate cake is Lara's favorite."

This game required too much information Kross did not have access to. He decided to retire the field and focus on his dinner while Raguna shared bits of news. Kross found he didn't mind listening. Cinnamon had finally taken pity on Raguna and taught him how to fish through a hole in the frozen lake. Lute had finished his newest painting.

The stew was more enjoyable to taste as a whole, rather than trying to pick it apart. He didn't have to know every detail to appreciate it.

"I'm glad you get a chance to taste it too."

That was only possible because of Raguna, he thought. Except this wasn't just a gift from Raguna. No one had protested his absence from the festival, yet it seemed he was still accepted as a part of the village, if a distant one.

It was strange and familiar all at once. He had thought of himself as having lost any sense of community, yet the fragments were still there. He listened to Stella. He spoke to Erik at least once a season to buy seeds and to the other villagers perhaps once a year when they needed repairs. Strangely, he had gotten into the habit of exchanging a few stray words with Lara and Tabatha on holidays. It did not startle him so badly if someone greeted him when their paths crossed. He lived among people.

He saw Raguna every day. He wanted to see Raguna every day.

When he finished eating, Raguna's hand crept forward and fingers curled around his. "Kross?" he called softly.

Kross gripped his hand in return. "I was reminded of something, from where I grew up."

"Did your village have a winter festival like this?"

"No, not in winter. We couldn't know when we would be snowbound. It was in the first days of spring, when the ground finally thaws but it feels like so long to the first harvest."

Raguna listened quietly. Raguna's hand was warm in his.

"Almost every year the bridge would wash out with the spring thaw. It cut the village in half, and we would call to each other across the water, 'throw something over the river.'"

For a moment Kross could almost see the boy who would be standing on the other side. He remembered the leather pouch landing in his hands, and the proud voice calling, 'I saved those for you all winter!' He had roasted the handful of chestnuts in the embers of their fire. His little sisters had teased him mercilessly until he shared. Now it was almost like a story that had happened to someone else.

Raguna's hand was warm in his. Raguna was smiling at him. That was his lifeline back from a time he didn't belong in anymore.

He should say something to remind Raguna it was long past, to remind himself he couldn't go back now.

When he didn't say anything more, Raguna offered a few words. "I like hearing little things about you. Whenever you feel like sharing." The little things he shared. Not the things that had been forced out by circumstance. Not asking that Kross be cut open so his life could be read like the rings of a tree.

Kross let out a soft noise that wanted to be a laugh and didn't quite make it. He sometimes thought it would be better to lose all memory of his former life. The bad memories tried to choke him and the good ones ached in his bones, but for now he found he had a sense of peace.

This was also home. Weber's home was out of reach, but Kross had a place where he belonged.

 **Winter 21**

Kross was the one who sent Raguna to look at the bookcase. He was building a wardrobe for Anette and suddenly decided he wanted to check his notes again. It didn't occur to him what might happen until he heard Raguna's startled voice.

"Huh? The bookcase moves."

Kross looked up to find Raguna holding the bookcase with one hand, looking up at the crack that revealed there was no solid wall behind it. Maybe Kross had failed to close it securely the last time he opened it.

"Raguna, you shouldn't pry into people's secrets like that. There are times when knowing what you shouldn't brings tremendous pain."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you by prying." Raguna took his hand back and turned away from the bookcase with Kross's notes.

Who would be in pain if Raguna found the truth? He could say he was warning Raguna away from whatever disappointment or fear might come, but he was the one who stood to truly lose something.

Raguna returned to where he had been watching Kross work and handed over the notes. Kross took them and lay them beside his hammer without a glance.

"Do you want to know?"

"I want to know," Raguna admitted, "But after everything that's happened lately, I want you to be able to choose what you tell me."

"If you only wait I may never tell you anything. Sometimes curiosity can make a person strong. I think you have the right to know." Kross didn't know if this would make him stronger, or Raguna. He could offer this secret up only to Raguna. He stood and went to push the bookcase aside before Raguna could say anything to stop him.

The room behind the bookcase was narrow. From the outside it simply looked like a part of his tool shed. There only needed to be enough room for one rack to hold Kross's collection of swords, spears, and shields.

He kept the room sealed most of the time, even before Brodik's stay in the village drove him to hide. To Kross's eyes it was easy to tell from the dust which sword had recently been taken from its place and returned again.

Raguna stepped inside. Kross could see how he studied everything, but when he looked around there was no judgement on his face, as if he did not yet understand.

"What is this?"

"Odd, huh? I came here to escape the constant fighting, but I've hidden these here. I. . . I'm a coward." He didn't know how to explain his fears, only that this was proof he had given in.

"No, you're not!" Raguna stepped out of the little room, turning his back on the weapons to face Kross properly. "All these weapons have Retornen cast on them, right? And I know Retornen is a magic created with the firm conviction not to hurt anyone. I can't consider someone who only has such weapons a coward."

"Raguna. . ." Kross let out a long sigh. He had expected pain rather than understanding, as he had every time Raguna saw a little more of him. He thought it was past time he learned to trust a little more. "You are a strange young man. You've managed to melt even my hardened heart. Thank you, Raguna. I won't hide anything anymore. I'll even leave this room open. That is a sign of the trust I have in you."

If he was going to trust Raguna, if Raguna said he wanted to know whatever Kross chose to tell him, then there was something that he would choose to tell Raguna now. Raguna knew something of his past and who he was now. It felt like this was the time to fill in the gap between the two.

"I think you may truly know who I am, and yet I have never told you what I am."

"What do you mean?"

"After my coming of age I joined the army. I was younger than you then, but I was strong and I was good with a sword." He had been sixteen and foolish, but to his village he was an adult and that was enough. "They wanted to make us stronger. Using magic as a weapon was seen as too unpredictable, but using that power to create a weapon was an honorable experiment. I don't know how many of us were selected, or how many survived. I was one of those sent out to be tested alongside ordinary soldiers."

"How many. . . Kross, what happened?"

How strange. He heard a fear in Raguna's voice that he had set aside a decade ago. There had been so many of them that no one took the time to tell them what would happen to them.

"I won't tell you what happened." In his mind that memory was still as the surface of the lake, but Kross knew if he touched it there would be something lurking underneath that he never wanted to see again. "I became stronger. Since then, monsters run away from me. They can sense what I am."

"What are you?" Raguna asked. He would have to, wouldn't he?

Kross made a noise that was a distant cousin to laughter. He had invited that question, but he didn't have the answer.

"I'm not human. I gained the strength of a monster, but I'm not a monster either. They gave us the things a weapon needs, not the things a monster needs. Yet I don't want to think of myself as a weapon. Sometimes I think I'm only trying to be human because I don't know what else to be."

"Kross-"

"I'm not human," Kross repeated. He had thought about this so many times. "Humans don't survive the things I have. Humans are fragile, so they cling close to other humans. I became something that wasn't fragile, so I was able to survive things no human could. To gain that, I must have lost something."

"Even if you say that, Kross. . ." Raguna obviously had to stop himself, to put aside whatever he wanted to say and start over. "Is that why you want to become more like a monster? You said you don't have the things a monster needs, but I think you would be a wonderful monster. I don't mean because you're strong. You show your feelings rather than saying them. You're loyal and dependable and honest. I think that's something wonderful about you."

"I'm not honest."

Raguna reached for Kross's hands and folded his own around them with the utmost care, as if Kross might startle like an untamed monster. "You don't have to tell me every detail to be honest. Being yourself is honesty. Even if there are things you don't want to tell me. . . Thank you for telling me this, Kross. Thank you for trusting me."

Kross thought he should have known that this would have been impossible to explain, and yet he tried again. "What if I tell you if you took one of those swords and cut me with it you could injure me? The magic on them harms me."

"But weapons like that aren't meant to harm people or monsters!" Raguna protested.

"Then what am I? I've looked for the answer. Kross was the one who realized it must be because I am both and I am neither. I am in between and so that magic cuts me apart."

"Kross, your friend who liked monsters," Raguna said softly.

He managed to nod. He felt the scar across his stomach, suddenly aching and tender as if it was new. It had hurt in a way cold steel had never hurt, like he was being torn away around the edges, but he had remained in this world. He had disdained carrying scars as a boy, but after that he had learned that scars meant he had survived.

The others had been fascinated by the sword that harmed no one but him. He remembered lying at his friend's side, barely able to breathe, hanging on to that familiar voice. 'That's a sword for hunting monsters. You're like a monster, Weber. I knew there was a reason I liked you.'

"It must have been an accident," Raguna said softly. "I promise I'll always be careful, since you've told me."

For a moment Kross didn't understand the earnest sympathy all over Raguna's face and the tears in the corners of his eyes, and then he did and that was worse. Raguna, empathetic and naive, imagined that perhaps his friend had injured him by accident. As if anyone would use such a weapon in battle without good reason.

"There was no accident. Someone simply realized I wasn't human."

"Oh, Kross."

"There's no need for sympathy. It was a long time ago and I bear him no ill will. He's dead and I'm alive."

"I'm so glad you're alive."

"That's right. I almost forget, sometimes, to be glad I'm alive. I'm glad I have you here to say selfish things like that."

He expected Raguan to protest it wasn't selfish to be glad for one life when so many others had been lost. He was plainly offended.

"I don't care if it's selfish! I'm sorry for all the bad things that happened to bring you here, but I'm still happy that you're here. I'm still happy I was able to meet you. I'm grateful for the good things that have happened."

Kross couldn't say anything. Maybe it was also selfish to be glad that Raguna had come to him when Raguna had first lost his home and his memories. He found he didn't care if it was selfish either.

"Even after you've told me all this, I don't know what to do. I can only say I love the person you have made of yourself."

"The person I have made of myself," Kross repeated. "I like the sound of that."

Raguna leaned close until their foreheads bumped together. His sigh sounded suspiciously like, "Love you," and that was more than enough.

Kross was only willing to let go of Raguna's hands so that he could pull Raguna into an embrace. He found he didn't want to let go. Raguna clung to him tightly, as if there was some chance of him going away.

His work would have to wait for another time.

 **Winter 22**

Even with no crops to tend, Kross couldn't completely ignore his fields for the season. The winter wind blew in debris, mostly dead branches from the nearby forest, and each day he dutifully cleaned it away.

Raguna came to visit while he was sorting through the day's debris, separating what might be useful for his work from scraps that would go with the firewood.

Ever since Raguna had made the comment about running out of extensions he could ask for, Kross had been thinking about if there was something he could make as a gift. He was having difficulty thinking of anything Raguna might need. The wood he kept turning over in his hands was not inspiring a stroke of brilliance, and the sight of Raguna calling to him over his fence only inspired a happy flutter in his heart.

"Kross! Do you have a minute? I made something for you."

"Oh. Thank you." Kross couldn't imagine what it could be, but he was happy already.

Kross stepped in through his back door and Raguna through the front so they met in the middle of the main room.

Raguna avoided his eyes by digging in his pack, before shyly holding out a cat's tail. "I wanted to make one nice enough for you. I hope you like it."

I was not possible to imagine Raguna's gift being less than perfect. It was even soft to mimic natural fur.

"W-won't it be weird if I wear this. . . ?" He almost couldn't believe Raguna had remembered his wish for the accessory, the small hope this could bring him closer to being a monster. He felt paralyzed with mingled embarrassment and pleasure, but pleasure won. Before Raguna could change his mind, he rushed to say, "I was joking. Don't mind what I just said."

"I hope you will wear it, if it will make you happy. I think it suits you."

There might have been something more embarrassing that Raguna could have said, but Kross could not imagine what it would be.

He wasn't sure he felt more like a monster when he tried it on. Would a monster hesitate, searching for the right response to such clear kindness? Could a monster feel embarrassed and shy about its own happiness?

No matter how shy he felt, Kross was incredibly happy. He spent the rest of the afternoon with Raguna in his arms, offering him endless kisses. Raguna ran fingers through his hair, always careful not to dislodge the cat ears he'd convinced Kross to put on as part of a set.

Monster or not, Kross's feelings were strong and clear. He loved and was loved in return. He couldn't ask for more than that.

 **Winter 24** (Night of Holies)

Kross waited a few steps inside the forest. Snowflakes fell soft and steady and stuck in his hair. The time when he might have been surprised that Raguna had asked him on a date was long gone. Of course he had accepted.

Before he had time to get lost in his own thoughts there was the sound of Raguna's hurrying footsteps, slightly muffled by fresh snow. He put on an extra bust of speed when he saw Kross waiting for him, and slid to a clumsy stop so that Kross put a hand on his arm to catch him.

"I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

"I don't mind."

Raguna laughed at that. "I would have come earlier if I'd known you were here already. It's a beautiful night."

"I always loved winter nights like this," Kross agreed. He was quiet enough that Raguna could have pretended not to hear when he added, "I'd like to walk with you."

They walked away from the deserted road and into the forest. Raguna took his hand and laughed when he said Kross's fingers were like ice, but didn't let go. His hand was warm, and Kross felt an urge to kiss it.

The trees were mantled in snow and silence. They might have been the only two people in the world, with all else sleeping under the snow and waiting for spring.

When they came to a clearing with a beautiful forest giant and paused, Kross found himself whispering words that he had shaped very lovingly in his head and never intended to say.

"On these quiet winter nights I always feel as if I'm alone in the world. Now I'm glad to be here with you instead."

"I'm glad too. It feels like we're in a dream."

It wasn't the sort of dream Kross knew. This was a little like the peaceful bliss when there were no dreams.

"I want to give you something."

Raguna let go of his hand, and then he was suddenly offering a bouquet of blue roses. There were other flowers tangled in among them, but the scent of roses seemed to overpower everything else, even thought.

Kross thanked Raguna automatically, not knowing what other words to use. He was momentarily trapped by the weight of flowers in his hands, or the weight of the feelings associated with them.

"I love you. Will you marry me?"

Kross grunted as if the gift had come with a punch in the gut. This was not something Raguna could ask of him. If Raguna had only thought about it first.

"You haven't thought about what this means. I'll pretend we didn't have this talk. You shouldn't do anything at all if you're not sure what to do."

"But I am sure, Kross. I love you." Raguna's expression became earnest in his distress. "You know I love you, right?"

"If you tell me that then I'll believe you. However, I can't marry you. I can't put myself in your home and live as your husband."

"I don't understand. If you don't want to that's one thing, but there's no reason you can't."

For a long moment Kross was silent except for a sigh that disappeared into the cold air. He couldn't mesh his life with Raguna's, not so completely or so suddenly. He couldn't leave his home or his field now. He knew if he said that Raguna would offer up anything to take the place of whatever he left behind, but he still needed the space he had made for himself.

Maybe someday, he told himself. Maybe when he learned to take love for granted again. Maybe never.

"I suppose I'm too afraid to tell you I don't want to."

"I'm sorry, Kross. I didn't mean to make you unhappy."

When he gave the bouquet back Kross realized that his grip had broken the tough baleen serving as its backbone, ruining it. He had thought he would accept any token of Raguna's feelings, but he couldn't accept this.

"You haven't made me unhappy. If the stream between our homes ever rises, I'll accept. No. If that happens I'll beg you to marry me."

"The way you say that makes it sound like something that will never happen," Raguna said. He had to make an obvious effort to blink back tears.

"It hasn't happened yet," Kross confirmed. "Thank you for inviting me."

"Of course, Kross. I. . . thank you for joining me," Raguna said softly. Kross could tell there was more he would like to say, but he only moved to kiss Kross goodnight.

He wouldn't understand Kross's meaning, and Kross couldn't explain. If there was anything that he feared would cut him off from Raguna he might have accepted in desperation, and that would be bad for both of them. Right now he was free to say what he needed to. He was grateful for that, and grateful to Raguna for accepting his answer.

 **Winter 25**

Raguna was waiting outside his door the next morning. He was hiding something behind his back.

"Good morning, Kross. I want to give you something, but first please promise me you won't eat it."

"If you want," Kross answered hoarsely.

Raguna drew a blue rose from behind his back. Not a bouquet this time, but a single flower with a rich scent.

"When I grew these I was reminded of that song you shared with me, about wanting to find a lovely monster that you could tuck a rose in its fluffy fur. Is this all right?" Raguna asked.

"Ah." Kross couldn't seem to keep his mouth from pulling into an awkward smile. If he reminded Raguna of that type of monster after everything, that was a wonderful feeling. "Thank you. I will treasure it."

Raguna moved to tuck the rose in his hair. Kross realized the thorns had been trimmed away so they wouldn't scratch his scalp.

"I want to be with you, Kross. I wanted another chance to tell you. You don't have to marry me or move in with me, but I still want to make that promise to you. Sometimes I worry you don't believe how much I love you. I never want you to have to doubt my feelings for you."

"I don't doubt you." Raguna was kind and straightforward. Kross had known that from the first. If Raguna confessed to loving him he had to believe it.

Kross reached up to touch the rose. Raguna's hand was still there, fingers tangled in his hair, and so Kross lay his hand over Raguna's.

"You know I can't give you the love you deserve. You deserve better." Sometimes he felt like he was reaching out, wanting to give everything and not knowing how. How much of that was how he had been changed and how much was the scars life had left on him? Did it even matter, if he couldn't offer his love properly?

"I don't want 'better.' I want you. I won't let you say you're somehow less than I deserve when you're everything to me. I just want us to be part of each other's lives. If I just say I want to see you every day, and to be with you through good times and bad, can you tell me if you want that too?"

"I do."

There was a part of Kross that wanted Raguna to be happy and a part that wanted to hold him forever and they overlapped so much it seemed to be all one whole. He let go of Raguna's hand so he could fold Raguna into his arms.

It took Kross a moment to realize that what had passed between them sounded very much like a vow. He wasn't sure if it was intentional. Raguna seemed to be content just being held.

"Then, in good times and bad, do you want to be with me from now on?" he asked, voice hoarse and soft, although he already knew the answer.

"I do," Raguna answered without hesitation. He snuggled against Kross and it took another few seconds for him to open his eyes again and look up at Kross in surprise.

Kross smiled and ducked his head sheepishly. Raguna had started it, after all.

"May I kiss you now?"

"Yes."

Raguna was free to kiss Kross as much as he wanted. He seemed to know, perhaps taking the hint from the way Kross cupped his cheek and pressed closer. Raguna kissed him and laughed breathlessly and kissed him again.

Even if he could never bring himself to say wedding vows before God and Stella, Kross would never forget the vow that he had given to Raguna.

 **Winter 27**

The days when it snowed seemed to make the world muffled and silent. Kross sometimes felt his senses numbed, a soft blanket of memory draped over him. Cold memories were distant glimpses of childhood and home. They made him want to curl up and sleep.

Maybe it was those safe memories wrapped in stillness that made him speak up when Stella politely bid him good morning.

"I stole my name. There was a man named Kross, and I took his name when I needed one to give you," he said softly, then let out a sigh, because what good would it do to confess that? His head ached, but the heat couldn't get through the cold, soft blanket of snow.

"Kross," Stella said, kind but firm. "Do you think he would begrudge you using his name if he were here?"

Kross knew if he were here he would have understood. If he were here he also would have said they can't both have the same name. He would have found a new one, for a new life. Kross tried to explain this. The Kross who was gone had been good at naming monsters.

"Do you want to tell me about him?"

"He had dark hair and blue eyes. Heh. We didn't look a thing like each other. He wasn't a fighter. He tamed monsters." Kross left a moment of silence for all of the things he didn't know how to describe. "He was my friend."

Stella nodded solemnly. Even from his few ragged words she seemed to understand the dizzying lightness of loss.

There were suddenly too many things to say. Words got caught in a jumble in his throat and came out in a noise that sounded like tears.

"Kross," Stella called him. "Come here, and we'll talk as much as you need to."

She beckoned him to sit on the first pew and sat beside him, instead of calling to each other as preacher and devotee. The distance seemed much smaller to send feeble words across, but for a moment Kross still couldn't speak.

"Know I do not expect you to explain yourself. I know the man you have been in the years you've lived here, and that man belongs here as part of this community. You are free to share your burden with me as you choose."

Kross let out a long breath. His throat cleared, but the words were gone again.

"It sounds like you are honoring your friend's memory by taking his name. Does it feel that way?"

The things he still wanted to change could not be changed. Kross had spent many sleepless hours untangling the mess of himself. He could not change _what_ he was, only _who_ , and he was not always sure how well he had done at that. But his name was part of the life he lived now. It felt more like belonging than mourning.

"I would remember him anyway. I think. . . I fear I'm the only one who remembers him now. His village was gone and everyone from back then is dead now. I'm the only one left."

"Kross-"

"When I found him," he interrupted, because remembering Kross also meant remembering losing him. "When I found him burned. . . That was the only time I killed in anger," he whispered, as if that meant something. As if that meant more or less than doing what he was ordered to do, what he was made to do.

Kross dropped his head. The air was sharp in his lungs. Strange, when the church didn't seem cold. Perhaps it was the audible intake of breath from Stella. She wouldn't want to hear that any more than he wanted to think about it, but there it was.

"His monsters were crying. I sent them back to the Forest so they wouldn't have to fight anymore." It had been hard. It had been cruel to get so close when they were so afraid of him, but it was the only thing he could do for them. They had been grieving just as much as him.

"Kross," Stella called again.

He didn't want to look at her, but when she held out a hand he could look at that. It was just as much part of her identity as her face, with round palms and thick-jointed fingers. Something deep inside his core was shaking, though he hadn't been cold enough to shiver in a long time. This wasn't like being trapped in a heat haze and halfway back. Memory stretched like a tunnel, with distant thoughts shockingly sharp and clear.

"You came out of that, didn't you? You left and came to make a life here. Would you like to tell me how that happened?" Stella gave him a comfortable silence to speak into, waiting for him to find the words. When he didn't she added, "I think you need to walk away from this for now. Tell me how you did that before."

'Walk away' triggered something in Kross's brain. "There was a boy." He closed his eyes and then snapped them open again when that was too close. He could never have come near this in summer. He could almost smell scorched flesh as it was. No one had been safe from that indiscriminate fire. Kross tried to focus on one small point. Harsh breathing in the silence. A boy shielded under his fallen comrades.

"I think he was fifteen. Not much younger than I was when I enlisted, but he seemed so young." Kross could see him, with the gangling limbs of a teen not yet grown into himself. He had seemed so small and so vulnerably human. "He couldn't stand because of the wounds on his legs, but he was alive. I found him. He was the enemy. I bound up his wounds. I carried him."

Now Kross could close his eyes. He could see the countryside, still dry and dusty in the drought, but not ripped up and trampled and burned to death. "He was a good boy. He asked my name, and talked to me, even though he was in pain." He could almost hear the boy who had insisted on using his name over and over, as if they both needed reminding he was close enough to human to have one.

"I carried him until we were deep enough past the border to find a place that would care for him. I kept walking. I never looked back."

"And you found your way here," Stella finished for him.

And now he was here, Kross added in his own head. He had walked away, even if it was far too late. He had walked away.

"How do you feel, Kross?"

"My chest is light." He didn't know what that meant. There was a place inside of him that suddenly felt bird-bone-hollow. It wasn't enough to fly, but it was freeing.

Stella offered her hand again, and this time Kross laid his in her palm. Her skin was cool and soft. He remembered how she had saved him when he collapsed outside her village. She was the one who had given him his hoe so he could farm. In a way, to him, she was something like family. In another way she was something like a saint.

"The weight of memories can be exhausting to go through. Give yourself permission to rest," she instructed. It had the tone of one of her lectures, but more gentle.

"I think I would rather leave memories where they are." If only his mind would let him. If only he could sink them in the lake like rocks.

"That is your choice. Remember, I will still be here if you feel you need to talk. Next time maybe I can help you tread more carefully."

Kross didn't answer. He didn't think he needed to. Now the dam had been cracked, he didn't think he would live long enough to outlast the press of memory if she didn't expressly forbid him from talking about it. Words would come again some time, as they had started to slip out when he was with Raguna, but for now he had drained out enough words to felt light. He felt that he could wear the name he had taken, and that was enough to give him peace.

That night he slept as deeply as he would have under the sound of falling rain.

 **Winter 28**

Raguna had slowly introduced him to most of the monsters living in his barn. Everyone seemed to be living happily, and Raguna had expressed his thanks more than once that the barn kept the monsters, especially the heat-loving ones, safe and warm even in winter storms. He was so pleased with his barn that Kross had thought perhaps this could be the answer to his wish to give Raguna some sort of gift.

Beauty was there at the door. She seemed to remember him, because she gave him no more than a perfunctory sniff before deciding he passed security.

Raguna had given up on trying to get her to stay in one of the rooms, so long as she stayed within the barn itself. Kross's first gift was for her, a modification to the entryway so she had her own sleeping perch.

The big muck, another new monster, got a corner where the earthen floor was dug out just enough to be damp and comfortable. The Buffamoos got a post mostly made up of a section of a downed tree with rough bark still in place. Once they realized it was there for them to scratch themselves on there was a good deal of snorting and shoving to decide who got the first turn. Raguna stayed well back, laughing.

Many of the monsters he couldn't give anything special. What they wanted most was spring and the chance to go outside again. For the ones he could he built all the little upgrades he could think of, drawing on everything he could remember about their likes and their natural habitats.

He saved the Woolys for last. For them he made a low, loose box to gather hay and soft bits of cloth into a nest they could curl up in after being sheered. He had made something similar when he was young, one of the first things he had made on his own. He watched as they investigated and found the bed was soft enough to burrow into.

One butted its head against his hand before it subsided with a squeaky noise of contentment. For just a moment Kross couldn't breathe with happiness.

"They like you," Raguna told him, fondness clear in his voice.

"My mother raised Woolys. When I was a boy I used to sneak into the barn to be with them." It was a happy memory, and the loss ached in his bones. He had missed their company very much.

And now here he was again, surrounded by the familiar smells and sounds. He kept himself alert for the slightest signs of distress, but Raguna's monsters weren't frightened of him. If anything, they seemed to be growing accustomed to his presence.

One of Raguna's Buffamoos suddenly nosed at his back, knocking him off-balance.

"Bossy, stop that," Raguna scolded. He moved to keep her from attempting to nibble Kross's hair and petted her nose gently. "Be nice to Kross."

"I don't mind."

"I know. You're always so kind to them. Thank you, Kross, for doing this. Everything you've made it so beautiful. I can already see how much they love your improvements."

"You've given me so much more."

"Stop that. It's not a contest." Raguna was obviously doing his best to give Kross a stern look. Within seconds it dissolved again as he affectionately smoothed Kross's hair down. "Besides, this is the most wonderful thing. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Raguna kissed his hair and then his cheek, and Kross could tell that was another way of whispering 'thank you.' Kross could only answer by tuning to offer another kiss back.

"I was going to let some of them out to play in the snow. Will you come with us?"

Kross didn't have it in him to refuse.

 **Winter 30** (Year End Festival)

The last day of the year unfolded peacefully. Kross was grateful for the moment to stop and appreciate that they had all survived the year.

He had Raguna with him. Both of them had cleaned out their fields as best they could before the ground properly thawed. Now they had time to simply be together. Kross was sorely tempted to stay there all night if Raguna would have him. He was throughly trapped by Raguna playing with his hair, and there was nowhere he would rather be.

Outside the last snow of the year was falling as if it meant to bury the world too deeply for spring to thaw out. It was nothing compared to the winter storms in the mountains where Kross had been born.

Kross disturbed the silence to ask, "Do you celebrate your birthday?"

"I can't. I don't remember when it is."

That was the answer Kross had expected. He was only thinking of it because today happened to stir up a memory. Every year his mother had mock-scolded him because he couldn't wait until spring to be born.

"You should have one."

Raguna's hand stilled for a moment, and when he went back to petting Kross's hair the touch was slower and softer.

Kross wanted to offer that Raguna take his birthday. He would happily offer any parts of himself if they would compensate for anything Raguna might have forgotten.

Would he be offering bad luck to Raguna? They said children born during storms could never settle down.

"What about tomorrow?" Raguna suggested after some thought. "That was the day Mist first gave me my name. I think that makes as much sense as anything."

"It suits you."

The cold had never troubled Kross, but even he loved the first gentle warmth of spring.


	5. Spring - Season of Rebirth (again)

Just a few last days to wrap things up. Thank you again to everyone for reading! I hope you have enjoyed this story as much as I have enjoyed writing it!

* * *

 **Spring - Season of Rebirth**

 **Spring 1** (New Years Festival)

On the first day of the new year, Kross woke up in Raguna's arms. It felt like a good omen.

For a little while he stayed as still as possible, resting his head against Raguna's chest to listen to his heartbeat. If he could spend another year living quietly here with Raguna at his side, that was all he would ask of fate.

When Raguna stirred and pulled himself out of sleep, the first thing he did was touch a kiss to the top of Kross's head and tell him good morning.

"I feel really lucky, because you're the first thing I get to see in the morning, Kross. It's a good way to start the year, right?"

Kross nodded and shifted up to more easily hug Raguna back. For a moment he was happy just to cuddle, trading soft kisses and feeling Raguna smile every time. Then Raguna rolled over to get out of bed and Kross instinctively tightened his grip.

Before he could let go Raguna had started laughing and rolled back into him.

"Sorry," Kross whispered hoarsely.

Raguna kissed the tip of his nose. "I think it's okay to stay here with you a little longer."

For a little while they forgot about time. Raguna stroked fingers through Kross's hair and let Kross touch soft kisses to his face, his neck, his arms, anywhere he could reach without pulling away from that touch.

When they finally did get out of bed, Kross had a calm, quiet space in his mind.

Raguna had picked up an extra new mochi for him without him realizing. Kross found himself led to the public square to take part in the New Years Festival for the first time.

When he took his turn with the hammer, Raguna's hands covered his.

"You don't have to hit it too hard, okay?" There was a teasing glint in his eye, suggesting he knew Kross would have put his full strength into it without the reminder.

They smashed the new mochi together. Kross would have been more alarmed at how satisfying it was if he didn't have Raguna laughing next to him.

"Who will you give them to?" Raguna asked as they started on the path back towards the south district.

"Stella," Kross answered automatically. It seemed fitting to give one to Erik as well. And Lara, who he hoped would stay another year. And Tabatha, since he had been glad not to see her depart at the end of summer. It might also be appropriate to give Mist something in belated acknowledgment of her safe return. (It was not, he told himself, a marriage token to Raguna's self-proclaimed family. Food might be traditional but if he ever went down that path he wanted something that would last past all of their lifetimes.)

Kross found himself with the surprising problem that there might be more people whom he wished to see in the next year than he had mochi in his hands for.

Raguna seemed to be working on the same problem. "I'm going to make more."

"Wait," Kross called before Raguna could head back to his kitchen. He picked out one of the mochi for Raguna. "Happy birthday."

Raguna's arms were too full to accept it at that moment, and mochi was not the best food for hand feeding, but they made do. Raguna beamed and kissed his fingers and Kross felt his heart melt faster than the last patches of snow.

"Thank you for remembering."

Kross knew he was being teased. Raguna had only picked his birthday yesterday. Then Raguna kissed him and Kross decided he was too happy to care.

"I can't wait to spend another year with you."

 **Spring 2**

The last chill of winter had been cleared away by stiff spring breezes. With his fields cleared and planted, Kross took a moment to simply enjoy the spring sunlight.

He recognized the enthusiastic patter of approaching footfalls, and a smile had crept onto his face even before he turned to watch Raguna hurrying towards him.

"Kross! Happy birthday!" Raguna stopped a few paces in front of him, grinning cheerfully with his hands behind his back.

Pulling Raguna to him and clasping him close, Kross let out a deep sigh.

"Don't you want your present?"

"I don't need. . ." Kross sighed, unsure how to express that all he wanted was Raguna's company. He finally murmured, "Thank you."

Raguna laughed and wiggled in his arms, and Kross could hear him slipping whatever it was into his bag. The next moment he threw his arms around Kross in return.

"Happy birthday," Raguna repeated, relaxing into his embrace.

The day he was born no longer held meaning for Kross, but today he thought he could celebrate a rebirth. This was the day he had begun his life in Trampoli, and now the anniversary of the day Raguna had come into his life.

It was the start of another year. Kross felt at peace thinking of the rise and fall of the seasons and the familiar changes they would bring. This was where he belonged. Here he could build and farm with his own two hands in the place he had made home, alongside the people he loved.

Kross didn't know exactly how it had happened, but he found himself looking forward to the future.


End file.
